Running From Sarah Palin And Your Pro Football Picks

Dippy and I are hiding out from the goons that Sarah Palin have sent to kill us both for last night's post. I can't tell you where we are for fear that they will find us. They have sent black helicopters and Terminator robots from the future to come and get us. This is worse than that Easter Bunny that came after me last Easter. I have never seen an Easter Bunny with an semi-automatic handgun. I am not clear why they would want Dippy except for the fact that he made sexual references towards the governor of Alaska, which is both disturbed and apparently illegal. Dippy has let me know that the government is bailing out large banks with bad debt. So not only I have to pay off my bad debt I now have to pay off some bank's debt so that their CEO can continue to keep his yacht and stable of hookers? This is Capitalism Gone Wild. These banks may have survived the Great Depression, but there is no surviving being utterly stupid. If you are stupid enough to give out a loan or mortgage to someone who by all accounts can not afford it, then you are stupid and do not deserve being bailed out by taxpayers. Everyone out there has their own "Bill" out there. "Bill" is that friend or family member who is always asking for money, but everyone knows based on his track record that he is not going to pay it back. Everyone around "Bill" who knows him knows that by giving him money that is simply giving money away. Then "Bill" meets "Tom" who ignores all of this and thinks they're going to be smart and make a profit off of "Bill" by charging weird interest rates that change as time goes on and he goes ahead and gives him money. Years later, "Bill" has not given much of the money back and never will...mainly because he never has. Not necessarily because "Bill" is a freeloader. It's just with all his good intentions he just can't do it. These banks and loaners that give away these loans and mortgages and now are sucking the rest of us dry by being bailed out by us, they are the "Tom"s. So the US government, horribly in debt, is now taking on the horrible debt of large banks. How does this not end in total disaster?

Oh, well. Dippy and I need to make our professional football picks.

Miami at New England (er, the Evil Empire, -12.5)

Fox: Everyone needs to remember that the Evil Empire has the easiest schedule in the league. Everyone must remember that Joey Porter can not keep his mouth shut. As a result, the Evil Empire has bulletin board material and a college team to play against this week. I wonder who would win between Miami and USC on a neutral field. As Tom Brady is trying to impregnate Brooke Hogan, the Patriots will roll all over the Dolphins. Take the Pats, er, Evil Empire.

Dippy: Miami is better than you think. And Miami has lots of good cocaine available. The Pats might win, but they won't cover. Take Miami.

Dallas at Green Bay (+3)

Dippy: Interesting game. Rodgers is playing well so far, but he is not playing the Lions this week. You have to look at the fact that the two teams the Packers have beaten are a combined 0-4. Dallas is so much better talent wise than Green Bay. It is not time enough yet for them to self-destruct. It's not frigid in Green Bay right now. Take Dallas as T.O. and Pac-Man score touchdowns this weekend.

Fox: Anyone else notice that Cowboys are now the new Raiders? The Cowboys have made it habit for well over a decade of bringing in malcontents and locker room cancers in order to reform them enough to win. The Cowboys now are that team. Even Tony Romo is like Ken Stabler. It's crazy. I really want to take the Packers in this game, however, I just can't. The Packers are one of the weakest 2-0 teams and it will show this weekend. Dallas it is.

Arizona at Washington (-3)

Dippy: You ever hear from Kidnapper 47?

Fox: No, I have not heard from him or her for awhile. Since you were released.

Dippy: I really connected with that guy.

Fox: Dippy, he or she doped you up like crazy and kept you captive for over a month threatening to kill you if I didn't drop Atlanta sports teams in favor of Washington's. He or she also killed your resistance puppy, er uh, drug dog. You probably have Stockholm Syndrome.

Dippy: I don't buy all that. I just wondering if Kidnapper 47 was around so I could talk to him. That's all.

Fox: Whatever then. Any sighting of those Terminator robots?

Dippy: No.

Fox: I told you not to make those sexual comments about Palin. I knew we'd end up on the run.

Dippy: It was you that called her a fraud. They are after you....you, I said. Ehhhh....ehhh....ehhh..

Fox: I knew you would crack under the pressure. Well, anyways I am taking the Cardinals in this game as they will outscore the Washington offense. The Cardinals will not have the same secondary as the Saints. Campbell is not going to roll up 300 plus yards again. The Redskins are vulnerable to the pass. The Cardinals have a good quarterback and two great receivers. Take the Cardinals.

Dippy: In honor of Kidnapper 47, I am going to take the Redskins. Matter of fact, I am taking the Redskins in every single game for the rest of the season no matter what happens. Take the Redskins. Redskins 287 Cardinals 2.

Fox: Geez.

New York Jets at San Diego (-9.5)

Dippy: The Jets are a factor with Favre, but they are so over-rated. The Chargers psyche is destroyed. Just gone. Blown game last week because the referee was on the take with the line being San Diego by one point. That ref couldn't let the Chargers cover. So the quick whistle trick. Boom, Denver wins. Boom, outta here. Take the Chargers who may be psyched out, but they are also pissed off and the Jets are not really that good.

Fox: Too many points for a team that is 0-2 and lost two straight heartbreaker games. The Jets will be in every game as long as Favre is still standing. I am not sure that the Jets can win, but the Chargers are not going to win by more than ten.

Kansas City at Atlanta (-5.5)

Dippy: Can you believe that Atlanta is favored in this game? I thought you said that they would not be favored in any game this year.

Fox: This is all because the Chiefs are worse than Sarah Palin on a water diet. They are awful. When you lose to the Raiders who are owned by a dead guy by as badly as they did, then you are the worst team close to ever. I am not sure how Coach Edwards keeps his job after this week. I think, on the other hand, the spread is too high. I think Atlanta will win, but only by a field goal at the end. Elam will kill the Chiefs again just like he did when he was with Denver, but take the Chiefs.

Dippy: Uh. I am so sick of picking Atlanta games. The Chiefs are truly bad. They don't have an offense or a defense. I did not really think that anyone would be as bad as Atlanta, but then the Chiefs came along. I think if the Hawks played the Chiefs they would win. Take Atlanta and excuse me while I run from the approaching Terminator robot that looks just like Sarah Palin. RUN!!!!