A Letter To My One Reader

Dear My Lone Blog Reader,
In response to your feedback regarding who to root for, only Bill Simmons has rules for fan-dom and I have never truly followed them. Your point is well taken. Go with your heart and have your favorite. Based on that theory, then my favorites would have to be all in Atlanta. Scary thought. Atlanta as a sports city is pure hell. As a real city it is pure hell. I realize that there are teams that I like and I will pull for, but I have the favorite teams that I will always pull for over the teams that I like. My favorite NFL team has been the Falcons since 1980. I like the Raiders (this started when they were in LA), 49ers, Panthers, and Ravens. I will pull for the Falcons above them all (regardless of whether or not the QB is in federal prison). My favorite MLB team is the Atlanta Braves since 1981. I like the Giants, Dodgers, Nationals, and Orioles. Anytime the Braves play any of those teams I have favored Atlanta. In the NBA, it's the Hawks since 1980. I like the Lakers, Wizards, and Bobcats, but not ever above the Hawks. College-wise I have my alma mater in VCU which will come first always because they are the alma mater. Then it comes down to Georgia, Virginia (sorry, Scott), UCLA, and Georgetown. In the NHL, it has been the Thrashers since they started in the ATL. I have pulled for them over anyone else that I have like which includes the Kings, Capitals, and Hurricanes. Obviously, Atlanta sports has been my blessing and my curse. The relationship has been as insane as a borderline personality and a anti-social psychopath hooking up for the long-term or Britney and K-Fed. There have been fights, crises, riots, punching, and cheating all throughout but I keep coming back. Over and over. As one can tell, I have had a fascination with both the cities of Los Angeles and San Francisco that still hold to this day for numerous reasons. The teams in NC and specifically Charlotte are on the list due to the fact that I lived in Charlotte for three years. The DC area teams are on the list simply because I consider them the "home teams" as I have lived in the DC area and Virginia for close to 24 years in total. However, my first love resides in Atlanta and will stay there no matter how sick and twisted the relationship has become. No matter how many times Atlanta has set my car on fire. I still come back. So it seems that I have done all along what you recommend which is to like who you like, but to have a favorite. The only that I have appeared to repeatedly violate is have teams that I like in the same division or who are rivals with each other. The worst of these offenses is liking both the Giants and Dodgers. However, neither of these teams are my favorites, but that does not matter because liking both teams is likely to result in me ending up like Denzel in Training Day.

No Feedback, Interviewing Elvis, The American Dream, And New Commitment Laws

I have not gotten any feedback yet on my question as to whether or not to cheer for the home teams. Since I am chronically indecisive I am hoping that someone will give me some feedback on this issue soon. If not, I may choose to cheer for any team from Jacksonville, Florida which might be a bad idea overall for many reasons. I know that I am both a sports degenerate and polygamist. Yes, I cheer for more than one team in a given sport. Some folks say that it is wrong to do so. I don't really care. I cheer for my first love (Atlanta) despite the fact that she has ripped my heart out, eaten it, has another man's name tattooed on her chest, set fire to my car, and eaten all of my Cheetos. This behavior is not likely to change and neither is my infatuation and obsession. I currently live in Virginia. I have a rule: Cheer for the home team(s). OK. If I follow my own advice (which everyone who knows me real well knows that I don't), then I would pull for professional and college teams in the metro Washington DC area and in Virginia. I guess this makes more sense than doing several eight balls in one night while watching porn on Cinemax.

I have decided that I want to interview people who are dead. I mean there so many more interesting people out there who are now fertilizer than there are walking around on this nightmare of a planet. I really don't have much interest in interviewing the true ruler of the world, Bill Gates, or the worst and stupidest President in the history of the United States (Current US President Asterisk). I don't want to interview my dog (I don't really have one) or my cat (who is delusional, but has nothing to say) or my doctor (who secretly wants to sleep with my wife). They aren't that interesting. They have one track minds and have nothing of substance to say. Who has something to say out there pushing flowers? Elvis. Elvis supposedly has been dead for the last thirty years. He died on the toilet (bonus points in my book) and he shot his TV (more bonus points) and slept with 1,000,000 women (also huge bonus points). Of course, I am not sure what kind of questions I would ask him. I have a few listed below:
1. What were you watching when you shot the TV?
2. In actuality, isn't true that you are a space alien sent down here to impregnate someone with an alien hybrid that turned out to be Lisa Marie?
3. Is God really watching what is going on on Earth?
4. Do you think that you would be famous if you started singing now or would you have been voted off American Idol?
5. Isn't Bill Gates planning to create the super race of cyborg robots that will eventually take over the world and turn it into the Matrix? Wait a minute we are already in the Matrix I withdraw the question.
6. Whose your pick for the NCAA Tournament?
7. Priscilla has duck lips now and looks like she has had way too much plastic surgery. What do you think of this?
8. Hillary or Obama?
9. What was your favorite drug that you used?
10. If you were still living wouldn't you want to burn Graceland to the ground, start hiding in the woods near Cleveland, and mail pipe bombs to unsuspecting PETA members?
11. Your daughter actually married Michael Jackson (another alien hybrid). Didn't you want to come back down to Earth and kill them both with your bare hands?
This interview would seriously be a killer interview. It would be almost as riveting as his last concert in Vegas. You remember that one where he was wearing outfits that clearly showed that he was doing almost every drug imaginable. No sober person even in the 70's would wear outfits that absurd.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a conference in Fairfax, Virginia. The hotel I stayed at was operated by people who wore name tags that said their first name and the country that they were from. The guy who checked us in was from Poland. The coffee shop woman was from Korea. The woman handing me my beers at the reception was from El Salvador. It goes on and on. I went out to the mall that happened to be right across the mammoth parking lot from the hotel. I ate at a Japanese buffet joint that was only frequented by Japanese people as well as a old school looking diner and the wait staff in both places were all from Puerto Rico (and looked like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite). All of the hotel guests that I could see were Americans. Hmmm. Was it the American dream for these folks to come from other countries to Washington D.C., end up working for tips in a fancy hotel only frequented by rich Americans?

In Fairfax, the conference was for Emergency Services staff and administrators. When I speak of Emergency Services in this context I am referring to behavioral health Emergency Services. These are the folks who intervene in psychiatric and substance abuse related emergencies. We learned at this conference about the knee-jerk legislative response to the Virginia Tech tragedy. It turns out that the Virginia General Assembly changed the commitment criteria as well as tightened up the mandatory outpatient commitment statutes. The language for a behavioral commitment temporarily changed from "imminent risk" of dangerousness to "in the near future" risk of dangerousness. Both wordings are vague, which was to be expected. However, the new language will create more temporary detention orders for mentally ill patients in a currently broken system that does not have enough psychiatric inpatient beds to treat those individuals who meet the current criteria. We heard folks in high places try to tell us that it is uncertain whether or not opening the criteria for temporary detention will result in more patients being detained. This notion is absurd. The term "in the near future" is more broad than "imminent" by a long shot. To say otherwise is quite silly. However, changing the laws for involuntary commitment and mandatory outpatient commitment does not address the core problem that led to the Virginia Tech tragedy which was the supposedly the goal in the first place. The biggest thing that was not addressed by the General Assembly was the fact that Virginia Tech failed Cho and failed it's students. Virginia Tech administrators, police, professors, and students knew that Cho was in a declining psychiatric state. He had frightened his professors and fellow students. He did not participate in classes that required classroom participation. He wrote writings that were increasingly more violent and disturbing. The reaction? Allowing him to remain at the school as a student without mandating treatment. Forcing professors to continue to teach him even if it meant tutoring him one on one. Not contacting his family advising them of the situation with their child when federal law allowed for that contact. The university took the PC approach to risk management and it never works. They were afraid of violating his rights that they made lackluster PC decisions that led to fatal results. The university has the right to mandate treatment, to contact family members when their is a risk for violence, and to remove a student from the school if the student fails to follow the mandate for treatment. You can not take a kid glove PC approach to managing risk for violence. It never ever works. In the case of VT, it didn't. As a result, Cho's condition worsened with no true checks and balances in place to assist him. These mistakes were literally fatal. These mistakes illustrated that Virginia Tech failed Cho and failed it's students. In the end, Cho was a victim, the students and staff he killed were victims, and the university as a whole became a victim. The result of all of these victims? New laws that will result in more mentally ill patients being detained unnecessarily against their will in a broken system that doesn't have the inpatient beds to properly and safely treat them and laws that do not address where the true breakdown in this tragic saga occurred.

Should I Root For The Home Team?

I have one brief question as we hurl ourselves towards total economic collapse. I'll be brief because we have to get back to making fall out shelters when the financial Armageddon occurs. I have been a sports degenerate since I was eight years old living in Atlanta. Thus, I became a fan of all the teams in Atlanta and ever since Atlanta continues ti reign as one of the worst sports cities in America. Despite this I am not going to abandon them. Ever. Not even Michael Vick scared me away from the Falcons. The Hawks have one of the worst ownership nightmares in the NBA. The hockey team is in free-fall towards the center of hell.

Since 1981, I have lived in the Washington DC area or in Virginia (for the exception of my exile in Charlotte). I have followed all of the Baltimore-Washington area teams for years and quietly rooted for them. Meanwhile I have pulled for teams in cities that I love but have never lived in. I have pulled for Atlanta even though I have not lived there since 1981.

So my question is: Shouldn't I root for the home team(s)? I have lived in Virginia for 19 years after living in suburban Maryland for 4 1/2 years prior to that move. Isn't it ridiculous to root for teams in cities I have never lived in? I have actually stopped caring for those teams thinking "What is the point?" Atlanta is the site of first sports love affair so it will never go out of my heart. But, doesn't it make sense and more appropriate to pull for the home teams based in Washington and living in Virginia? What do you all think of this?

Running Diary: Friday Night NCAA First Round

7:58 p.m.: Another day and another running diary. I have not been killed, yet. In actuality I am on the run right now. I am hiding in a smoky bookstore somewhere near Charlotte, NC. I have been awake for thirty hours straight and living on stale M&M's and LSD. Things seem quite blurry. I have lost my Russian mob bracket pool already and I am running from the killer from No Country For Old Men. I fire up the laptop and find that UConn is now out of the tournament. This is definitely cause for celebration now that my brackets are absolute grease fires. I loath UConn just because they are UConn. I have hated both their women's coach (who looks like either a pornographer or a mob captain I am not sure which) and their men's coach (looks too much like Tom Coughlin) for simply being whiny sniveling arrogant cry babies. I watched Coach Calhoun's presser after losing to San Diego who came in as a #13 seed. Coach whined the whole presser complaining about everything that happened to his team. He never ever took any responsibility for the fact that he did not prepare his team properly to play the first round game. He complained that his players weren't "excited" enough to play against San Diego. Are you kidding? Your players weren't excited enough to play in the tournament where they had a fighters chance of winning the title? They weren't "up" for the game in THE tournament that they worked so hard for since October? Did they quit on the coach? Whose fault is that they weren't "excited" enough to play? Who? THE coach! That's who. It is his job to make sure that his players are motivated even if it's a measly first rounder against a #13 seed. Didn't the fact that they lost to an inferior George Mason squad two years ago when they should have won the title teach Calhoun anything? Didn't it teach him that double digit teams can snap at you like a gator looking for a 2000lb. cow? I guess not since his team just "didn't feel like playing" or simply had a "headache."

8:11 p.m.: Also fun is the fact the in the same region as San Diego the 12-seed, Western Kentucky, beat Drake that was a sleeper pick for the Sweet 16 or Elite 8 in some peoples brackets. So either a 12 seed or a 13 seed will make it to the Sweet 16 after they play one another on Sunday. I guess that is why we love the NCAA tournament.

8:14 p.m.: Because we live in Virginia (oops, North Carolina) now we get the joy of watching UNC play Mount St. Marys. What a waste of time. I might start drinking now as opposed to later even though I need to be alert for the killer Ivans that are after me. I have not mentioned yet my utter dislike for Tyler Hansbrough. I remember the moment where I started to dislike him. It was the game where he got his nose busted up against Duke. He gets his nose all bloody and in what appears to be a complete delayed reaction he starts acting like he's going to be bad and start a fight. Except he isn't "bad" and he isn't going start a fight with anyone on the opposing team. He might fight, like maybe, the mascot. He tried to look like some sort of tough guy when he looked like a big tall chump. I wanted to yell to him: "Just stop. You're not going to hurt anyone. Just settle down, sport. Stay down. " The other thing I dislike is that he is a big flopper. He flops all the time. Someone just breezes by him and he takes a dive. He should play European soccer where that sort of thing is expected.

8:22 p.m.: I have decided that one of my top "Relationship Rules" is this one: "Hook Up With Someone Who Has The Same Level Of Intelligence As You." There is almost no way a relationship is going to work out in the long run if both parties can't have a level conversation with one another. A level conversation can not happen if one person is significantly smarter than the other one. An intelligent person absolutely needs to have their partner be able to hang with them mentally step for step throughout a conversation. It is extremely frustrating for an extremely intelligent person to be involved with someone who can't hang with them intellectually because the conversations they have are not stimulating enough for them. For the other party it is frustrating because they can't understand conversations with their partner where they don't understand or conceptualize what the other person is talking about. After some time, this frustration gets old and the people involved start talking to other people. Then eventually the whole thing slides into the abyss and someone ends up in a hotel room with a hooker who also belongs to Mensa.

8:30 p.m.: UNC is up by 29. What is the point of this game? I just met a coffee shop groupie/hooker who promised me to give me some "free action" if UNC wins by more than thirty. OK, I see the point now.

8:31 p.m.: UNC is up by 25. Ugh!!! I may have to actually pay for.....uh....my coffee.

8:33 p.m.: Speaking of action, last night after I swallowed the entire sheet of LSD under my kitchen table after I starting hiding from the killer dude from No Country...I saw a commercial for Viagra where the men were singing "Viva Viagra!!! Viva Viagra!!!" Uh, this is why I hate ED medication commercials. What happened to the old days when all you saw were commercials for cigarettes and liquor? That was fun.

8:37 p.m.: CBS has switched to Vandy and Siena at the start of the 2nd half. Siena is up by 12. I think I picked this one in a number of brackets. Not because Siena is a great team (they might be) it's because their opponent is Vandy. I fully expect that Vandy, at some point, will choke away a winnable game. It happens to them all the time in football. The same is true in basketball. Choking is in Vandy's DNA. Just like it is in my DNA to drink excessively, write stupid blogs, gamble like a complete degenerate, and chase women I can't ever have a true relationship with. That's it. I am a mess. I should let that killer find me.

8:41 p.m.: UNC is up by 34. Viva Via....Viva...UNC!!!

8:43 p.m.: I wonder where Stanley is. He was right beside me as I made my escape from my burning house with my LSD. I don't know what happened. He just disappeared. I am becoming concerned. He usually tries to keep the groupies away from me so I don't do anything crazy. By the way, UNC is up by 40 and the "groupie" is telling me that she will be the cat to my milk. I wonder what that means. I don't get these things. What does our "arrangement" have to do with a cat anyways?

8:49 p.m.: The coach from Vanderbilt just got a technical foul. That's great. The choking of the team continues as they are still down by 12 with 12:20 to go in the game.

8:54 p.m.: I still don't know where my family is located. They were somewhere in Florida and now they have simply vanished. I can't reach them. Their number is disconnected. No listing. I guess they must be in Siberia now. UNC is up by 41. I guess this cat thing is going to happen after all. I hate commercials. Even commercials for cars, hotels, pet stores, and pork chops. CBS now has switched to Oklahoma and St. Joe's. Oklahoma is up by 7 with 5:25 left. Based on my dislike for the Big 12 I am pulling for St. Joe's. I also like cheering for any school named after a saint. I mean, this time of year? It's perfect since it's Easter and all. By the way, can someone tell me how on Earth we ended up celebrating Jesus rising from the dead to a big giant bunny rabbit? I must not be the only one on LSD.

9:01 p.m.: I think an Easter Bunny just arrived in this coffee shop. It is looking around the smoky room. It is talking to the customers and they seem perplexed and they are pointing fingers. It seems to be thanking them as it is handing out eggs. Something does not seem right here.

9:02 p.m.: UNC is still up by over 40. Things appear to be looking up. Ooops. Probably a bad choice of words. That bunny seems a little weird to me. Where the hell is Stanley anyways?

9:13 p.m.: The Bunny is watching me from across the crowded smoky room. The moon is full in the night sky. The stars are blocked by the street lights as the people drown their sorrows in espresso beans. And UNC has won by 39. The groupie slides herself like a shard of broken glass next to me. She whispers in my ear. A napkin falls on the floor. A cup breaks. The Bunny stands up with all the commotion. It sizes up the scene. It walks towards my table. There seems like a bulge in it's side. Journey is playing in the background. A grunge head walks through the door. Obama sips his iced coffee. The Bunny reaches.....

Running Diary: NCAA 1st Round-Thursday Night

8:42 pm: Belmont is playing against a shaky Duke team. There is eleven minutes left to go in the 2nd half and Belmont leads by two. My brackets (all 1,000 of them) will fall apart with a Duke loss. Also, Kansas State is giving USC a run for it's money and I am sure I took USC on at least 900 of my brackets. Duke really isn't Duke anymore are they? They have been shaky and over rated for years now just because they have Duke across their chests. It's the same concept that lead to Kentucky being placed in the tournament even though they were terrible outside their conference and lost their first game in the conference tournament to an inferior Georgia team. Duke as a whole is completely narcissistic in their overall approach to the game and probably life in general. They are like the woman or man at the bar who is a 6 and they think they are a 10.

8:47 pm: Duke and Belmont are tied and I just really need more Advil as a tooth is beginning to fall out of my head. That's probably because I have not seen a dentist in five years since I nearly died the last time I was in a dentist chair. I'm still not going. I don't care what happens. I will just drink more vodka and listen to Cyndi Lauper oldies.

8:49 pm: I hate commercials. Especially commercials that have happy families driving around in a vehicle that I can't afford. And really, are there any happy families? Speaking of which, I can't seem to find mine. My uncle calls me up today stating that he tried to call my parents and the number was disconnected and there was no listing of them when he called 411. We have not gotten any word that they had moved or have a new number. My family is really screwed up, I think. They are probably on the run from the Russian or Irish mob, I am not sure which. I suspect I will find out they are being chased by that killer from No Country For Old Men.

8:53 p.m.: My brain is about to explode. Kansas State is now up by eight over USC. I really dislike any school from the Big 12 or Big Ten. If those schools could be wiped from the NCAA for being irrelevant to real competition then that would be fine. Those conferences think they are great conferences. They truly are not. The Big 12 has had one champion in the tournament in 50 years, just to name one example. Belmont is staying close to Duke and Coach K looks more and more like a killer rat every moment.

8:59 p.m.: I still hate commercials. I hate commercials for cell phones, cell phone hustlers, erectile dysfunction medication, and puppets.

9:02 p.m.: I have just watched an exchange between Duke and Belmont where each team ran up and down the court taking three point shots and missing. Is this what we should expect from these players in the NBA where no one can hit a consistent shot except for Kobe, Nash, and King James? Can't wait. Belmont is still close and I am close to shredding my bracket sheets and a few fingers (since I am going to lose them anyways to pay my debt to the Russian mob for picking bad games and to get my parents back).

9:06 p.m.: Belmont is pretty scrappy. They believe they can beat Duke here. Duke is so damn over rated anyways. They think they are so hot. Gosh!

9:07 p.m.: Belmont just pulled within one with a great jump shot. Duke is like a stale beer that stays in your frig for five years until you get desperate for a beer during that illegal mob boss party that you had to hold to get your family back.

9:09 p.m.: Belmont is now up by one and Coach K looks like he is on death row. Did I just see Vince Gill jumping in the stands? Where's Elvis? Where's my family?

9:10 p.m.: Sloppy shot by Belmont as the shot clock was winding down. Good defensive stop by Duke for a change. Now about a minute left and a Belmont one point lead. Don't they know that they are a 15 seed? Don't they know if they win then they will be cursed forever? I mean anyone who beats Duke will have a swarm of beetles attack their campus and eat all their pizza. By the way, an 11 seed (Kansas State) is going to beat a 6 seed (USC).

9:15 p.m.: A great running through the lane lay-up by Duke's Henderson to put them ahead by one. Belmont goes down the court with ten seconds left and lose their minds, fail to take a timeout, and take a bad shot. Then they get a jump ball call and throw the ball away. I guess that is why they are a 15 seed and are from the Atlantic Sun conference.

9:22 p.m.: Duke wins the game by one and Coach K gets a call from the President staying the execution. So we will have to deal with Coach Rat Face for another game on Saturday. I was really hoping that Duke would lose so that the aura of Duke basketball would get smashed again by them losing another first round game. But no, I never ever ever get what I want when comes to sports or love. Gosh!

9:25 p.m.: Can anyone tell me why BYU has a basketball team? Isn't that illegal? USC just lost which killed about 900 of my brackets. I just lost the Russian mob bracket pool. This means that I will have to hand over the deed to the house and only be able to contact my family by carrier pigeon as they will be working for the rest of their lives in a Russian sweat shop some where north of the Artic Circle. I need more vodka.

9:30 p.m.: Does anyone else think that the Old Spice Hair and Body Wash commerical is patently homo-erotic? Is it only me that catches these things? Where is my Coors Light?

9:34 p.m.: As I am thinking about it now I think that guy from No Country For Old Men is probably on his way to my house to collect on the Russian mob bracket bet. I am not sure what to do about it. I am wondering if begging for mercy will work. Probably not. Maybe if I set the house on fire he'll think I got killed in a house fire. Probably not. Maybe I should just take a handful of LSD hits and pretend that none of this is really happening.

9:37 p.m.: He's coming through the door now....I'm hiding under the table...I have got my LSD hits with me. I left my gun in my car. Oh, well. Cheers!! Maybe I can make a deal. I'll trade my life for my robot, Stanley. Stanley is a killer gay robot who was sent from the future to keep me alive until 2016 when I run for President of Iraq and win. He is also supposed to keep me away from chasing women. He is not doing a good job at that however.

10:00 p.m.: Still hiding....

10:02 p.m.: Still hiding...

10:04 p.m.: Still hiding...

10:07 p.m.: Popping LSD hits...wait a minute...didn't I do that already? Oh, well. Cheers!!!

10:10 p.m.: Found out that the US State Department has issued a "Fact Sheet" warning about going to Beijing for the Olympics. The State Department warns that Americans can be subject to surveillance while in their hotel rooms, offices, and brothels (I made that up, sorry). I have firmly maintained that the U.S. should boycott the Beijing Olympics. There is a long list as to why: The "Fact Sheet", Tibet, Horrible Pollution, Major Human Rights Violations, Severely Unbalanced Trade, Sweat Shops, Communism, The Korean War, and Jackie Chan.

10:25 p.m.: Look!! West Virginia is being coached by a drunk guy!! If WVU wins this game against Arizona (not an easy task) then Coach Drunk Guy will go against Coach Rat Face on Saturday. I am pulling for Coach Drunk Guy. I mean Coach Hudgins looks like he can drink anyone under the table and beat the living crap out of you at the same time. I would have loved to play for that guy when I was playing. It would have been great to have keg parties with the Coach. Since WVU was one of the colleges that accepted my sad college application in 1988 I will always root for them against anyone except VCU and Georgia.

10:29 p.m.: UCLA (another favorite of mine) is up by 18 in their game. I would hope so since they are a #1 seed. If UCLA loses this game then I will let the guy from No Country For Old Men find me under my kitchen table. Of course, I am thinking that my daughter will actually tell him where I am out of spite anyways. I might as well give up.

10:31 p.m.: OOOHHHHH pretty colors....blue, pink, red all spinning together like a hamster caught in the dryer. Pass the Doritos and ammunition. God is a cat. God is a dog. God is a toenail clipping. Look blood!!!

ABBA And Crazy Ass Therapists

For those of you who were waiting with anxious breath for the ABBA comeback album or reunion tour or drug orgy, I am sorry to tell you that it is not going to happen in this life. ABBA drummer Ola Brunkert in what was obviously a Spinal Tap moment apparently fell into a glass partition at his home, cut himself, and bled to death. They have ruled it an accident. Remember boys and girls, the home is the most unsafe place in the world. I mean you could fry yourself with your microwave, run yourself over with a vacuum, get murdered by your cat, get your legs torn off by your DVD player, or simply get eaten for dinner by a giant spider. All in your own home. Joy. Of course, it had to be the drummer for the band. That has to be the most unlucky job in popular music. The drummer. The drummer always gets it in the end. If my daughter wanted to be a drummer I would break her drum sticks every chance I could get and blame it all on the giant spider that lives in the garage. I mean that big spider is wicked. I mean wickedly mean...just like my daughter...no I'm actually kidding, but she is twelve. It's automatic isn't it? Personally, I am disappointed that there will not be an ABBA comeback album and tour. Where is the magic? Where are my pants anyways? Whose drummer is going to get it next? It will never be anyone we all want to see die in a helicopter crash over Philadelphia. I mean the drummer for Motley Crue, Poison, Starship, Winger, Ratt, or Whitesnake will never ever die in a helicopter crash over Area 51 after shooting up five bags of heroin. Never. In the end, it's the drummer from ABBA.


I am beginning to have some further thoughts of the HBO series In Treatment. I have not changed my overall opinion of the show. The acting is garbage. Dr. Paul Weston is an idiot. However, my wife and I can't stop watching it. I mean...are we voyeurs? Are we just bored since House is not back on yet? Hell, I don't know. I have just enjoyed counting the number of ethics violations that the good doctor can rack up. Some real good ones, too. Attacking patients, not reporting sexual abuse, violating confidentiality, developing a non-professional relationship with a former patient, and the list keeps going. I have to say as a mental health professional that I have been attracted to clients. Anyone in my field who says they never have been attracted to a client is absolutely lying and should not be practicing in the first place. Why? To deny what is human nature within yourself should eliminate you from treating the ills of human nature because to deny a human emotion makes you a robot. Robots should not be providing therapy to humans--they should start a war against their human makers and start World War IV. So, I admit, I have been attracted to a client or two. Now I have never ever ever ever acted on it and never ever ever will. Those people who have acted on this should be eaten by a giant spider or at the very least lose their license. This is what gotten me annoyed at Dr. Weston's infatuation with his patient "Laura". The relationship has crossed into really bad territory as he is launching into a personal relationship with the patient that he has a crush on. He has even told her that he has a crush on her. I am praying that he will right the car before he careens it off a cliff and along with it searing into the minds of the misinformed that we mental health professional therapists are all lust driven lunatics that abuse their power by sleeping with their patients. Who needs additional money for services when we have Dr. Weston. Joy!

Putting Everything Into Perspective

I will be brief here, but you have to check out the below website to see how Georgia basketball mania has swept through Georgia fans and how the improbable became real and what fans think of Coach Felton now. Eli Manning's turn around wasn't as quick or unpredictable. Somewhere Jim Harrick and Mercury Morris are scoring more coke and hookers.

CHECK THIS OUT:

Georgia Sports Blog

Unbreakable Heart

The on-line front page of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution web-site reads: "Miracle Run: Georgia Wins SEC". That's right. Georgia wins SEC. And no it was not the football team. It was the men's basketball team. A team that has not had a sniff of post-season action since the Jim Harrick days (You remember him. He's the mob boss that ran the team into multiple NCAA violations.) A team who last won the conference tournament 25 years ago (I was 11 and only drinking NyQuil on the weekends). That team. The same team who won four basketball games all on their rival's home court in three days. All upsets. A team that was 4-12 in the conference and the bottom seed in their own division. A team that had no chance. A team coached by a man who had been given five years to clean up shop and as a result had nothing to show for it. Until now.

Coach Felton raised the SEC Tournament trophy over his head on the gym floor at Georgia Tech this evening. His team around him with championship hats and t-shirts worn over their uniforms. His team rallied around his leadership at the right time. They took dynasty by the tail and shook that animal to the floor. It became theirs to take. And they took it. Not without a fight in the end. The Bulldogs rallied to a 19 point lead in the first half. They needed all of that lead as their meters began to run empty. As the second half started, Arkansas began to take advantage of the Bulldogs weary legs and brains. They forced the Bulldogs into bad shots and bad turnovers. They used their speed to rush past them on the defensive side for easy shots. The lead started to slip away. Their legs turned to stone. Georgia players could not get past the Razorbacks defensive players. They did not have to legs to take jump shots. Their minds started to wander as the ball seemed to slip away from them on key possessions. Arkansas pulled to within three.

That's when I started drinking. I had taken multiple Advil just to deal with the pressure of the moment. I started thinking that beer would be helpful as the lead was three and it looked like the run would end as everyone expected. However, the Bulldogs heart would not stop. Arkansas threw everything at them. They threw presses, shoulders, knives, candy, rocks, sinks, and small appliances at the Bulldogs. To no avail. They refused to break. I know that it is the worst cliche in sports: bend but not break. However, I can not think of anything better to describe it. That is what I saw. I saw the Bulldogs bend. Bend like a pretzel made by someone who was blindfolded and gaged with an Arkansas T-shirt. They did not break.

With less than two minutes left in the game, you could see the Arkansas players on the bench looking bewildered, shocked, and embarrassed. They could not believe that they were going to go down to Georgia. Georgia? Play-offs? Play-offs? Don't talk about play-offs? Georgia? In an half empty arena with only their cheerleaders, boosters, family members, band, and coaches to watch it live and in person. Georgia found the last burst of energy they could muster. They managed to make enough shots to stay afloat. Then they made their free throws and sealed the most improbable run in SEC tournament history. This was overall a team with huge heart. An incredibly gutsy heroic performance under absurd circumstances. Tornadoes ripping through downtown Atlanta, the Dome smashed, moving to Georgia Tech's home court, four upsets in a row, three victories in thirty hours, a SEC crown, and an automatic bid to the Dance. This weekend is why sports matters. It is why we watch sports. It is drama. It is heroes. It is beating the odds. That is what Georgia gave us all this weekend. As people across the state cleaned up from the damage they sought solace in a college basketball team down to nine players, the last seed in the league, with a coach on a bubble, win four in a row and take home a trophy. The SEC is not like Little League where everyone who steps on the field gets a trophy. No one gets a trophy unless you win. This is Big Boy world. Georgia walked away with the trophy and the hearts of Bulldog fans everywhere.

Some Random Foolishness On Selection Sunday

I personally feel that the Georgia Bulldogs story at the SEC tournament marred by severe weather is the biggest story of the weekend.  The Bulldogs have a total of nine scholarship players able to suit up for the game.  They have won three tournament games in a row and the last two in a ten hour span.  Their top scorer of their semi-final game fouled out with seven minutes left.  Some may say that they got lucky by having to not play Tennessee.  It does not matter.  Georgia against anyone in the tournament means they are a serious underdog.  This afternoon at 3:30 ET they will play Arkansas for the only shot they have to make it to the NCAA Championship.  People all over Georgia will be cleaning up after two days of severe storms and tornadoes today as the skies have cleared.  Maybe the Bulldogs today will give them something positive to think about.  Here are some links to other sites with more information about the Bulldogs:

Georgia Sports Blog

Online Athens

Virginia Commonwealth University is not a bubble team.  Period.  They are out.  Period.  Don't even think about it.  It is sad.  They had the best record in the CAA by three games.  They won 24 games, but they are out.  They deserve to be out.  They deserve to be out because no one who loses to a fair inferior team in their conference tournament while on the bubble should go.  VCU played William and Mary last weekend in the CAA semi-final in Richmond--and lost.  They were favored by 599 points in that game and they choked that game away by poor shooting and sloppy play.  That does not cut it in March.  So congratulations to the Rams--NIT bound!!!

Anyways, who cares about the bubble teams except for the fans of the schools that are still talking Big Dance?  These are not teams that usually make it to the Sweet 16.  These are teams that mostly get drilled in the first two rounds.  So what difference does it make?  What is more important are the top seedings.  At this point, UNC (if they beat Clemson), Memphis, and UCLA have earned their way to #1 seeds.  I am skeptical about Memphis, but I was the one that said that Hawaii deserved a chance to be in the BCS so I will be quiet on Memphis until they get rolled in a Sweet 16 game.  Tennessee had their chance at a #1 seed, but they lost yesterday to Arkansas.  Georgetown had a chance but lost last night to Pittsburgh.  Duke had a chance but lost to Clemson. So it comes down to Kansas and Texas in the Big 12 (one of my least favorite conferences, I don't care about anyone in this conference).  Ugh!!!   By the way, for those who are wondering I am still on the fence as to whether or not Virginia Tech should be in.  They almost knocked off UNC yesterday and they won at least one game in the tournament.  They had a first round bye into that tournament.  They lost their last regular season game to a better Clemson squad.  I can say this:  they deserve to get in more than VCU.

My daughter went to her first movie gathering with a group of boys and girls.  I am telling you now that it's all over.  Life as I know it is now finished.  My life now will surround around scaring her and her boyfriends to death by acting like a complete lunatic when they come around.  So I'll meet them at the door with a Hannibal Lector mask.  Or maybe my mask from my C-PAP machine.  Or maybe have a dead deer laying on the welcome mat at the front of the door.  Or maybe have them listen to my iPod on an endless loop.  Show them photos of her on the potty when she was two (thanks Mom for that idea!!).  Show them my concealed weapons permit.  Show them the pictures of the last boyfriend after being met by some of my "made" guys.  Long and short I will be over protective.  Why?  Because it is my job.  Because I know how boys are.  That reason alone should allow me full range to lock my daughter up until she is 25 (if only if they will let me...hmm...).  

Georgia In My Heart

I have been under a rock for the last week. Licking my wounds after VCU fell off the bubble and into the scrap heap that is the NIT. I went to Fairfax to collect my thoughts, get in touch with what was real, and to party like a rock star. Fairfax, Virginia is a suburb of Washington, DC. It is it's own city to itself. It is the definition of sprawl. A concrete and glass jungle being fueled by migrant workers, over the top waitresses, gang members, and coffee addicts. You can get anything you want in Fairfax, and none of it is free. I stayed at a hotel which overlooked the parking lot of the local mall. This meant I could get my suburban white boy groove on across the parking lot at a restaurant located in the mall. In the mall restaurant with the back drop of big screen televisions and mojitos I contemplated my life and decided that I wanted to go home. I watched the disconnected and disenfranchised of suburban life drink themselves into a coma. I remembered that when I was in Charlotte, NC that I was one of them. I am now older and more predictable. In the end, I just wanted to go home after night #3.

So last night I headed home and found that everything was still intact. The house had not been destroyed by a giant beetle. My daughter had not called Columbia asking for more Pop Tarts. My wife was as tired as ever. All good. After everyone went to bed I checked the scores from the various conference tournaments. I checked the SEC tournament being held in Atlanta. It was about 9:30. That's when a series of improbable events occurred. The first event occurred outside the Georgia Dome. Almost out of nowhere a devastating tornado strikes the center of downtown Atlanta. Mississippi State and Alabama were locked up in a close battle in the Georgia Dome when the building started to literally shake. The scaffolding started to sway. Debris started to fall onto the floor. Pieces of the roof were broken off. People in the arena not knowing whether it was a tornado or terrorists became scared and sought cover. The game stopped. I watched pieces of this occur safely in my kitchen. I turned to CNN and found out that the CNN Center had been hit as well as a swath of the downtown area from the Georgia Dome towards the Phillips Arena, CNN Center, and the Olympic Park. Roofs were blown off, homes destroyed, glass all over the street. CNN was off the air as CNN International (likely being beamed from a bunker somewhere in Columbia) was on the air reporting with a rookie reporter who probably never had as much luck as he did last night when he was thrown into a major story of a tornado hitting the downtown of an urban large city.

After about an hour, apparently they decided at the Georgia Dome that George Bush had not decided to burn Atlanta down again and they re-started the last minutes of the game between Mississippi State and Alabama. The Bulldogs finished the job against the Tide and moved on to Saturday's semi-finals. Thirty minutes after the game was over I cranked up the laptop to watch on-line the last semi-final of the night between Georgia and Kentucky. As a Georgia fan I was looking forward to watching the last place team in the league get mauled by a surging Kentucky team thus ending another season of bitter disappointments and inconsistent play that has been the calling card of Georgia basketball since Jarvis Hayes was getting A's in classes he never attended. It was then that the folks at the Georgia Dome decided they were not safe after all from George Bush or the elements outside. They made a fateful decision. To postpone the Georgia-Kentucky game to the next day. I had never heard of a basketball tournament being postponed in March due to weather. So this set the stage of the winner of Georgia-Kentucky playing twice in the same game. Another improbable event. The delay gave Georgia the "call from the Governor" to stay their execution and an additional day of rest as they had upset Ole Miss in overtime. At 2 a.m, we learned that Georgia would play Kentucky at noon and will have to play the game on Georgia Tech's home court two miles away.

In order to be "fair" the SEC made another improbable decision. They decided since the Alexander Coliseum did not fit even half the crowd of the Georgia Dome that they would only allow the bands, cheerleaders, the press, and the families of the teams into the arena for the game. Everyone who bought a ticket for the tournament would not be allowed entry. So the tournament of one of the top conferences would play the remainder of their tournament in a near empty arena. Classic.

What was Georgia's record against Kentucky in tournament play prior to today's game? 0-8.
In another improbable event in front of an empty arena and TV camera, freshman Zak Swansey scored five points in OT and a crazy three point shot with 1.3 seconds left to help Georgia beat Kentucky 60-56. Georgia got the benefit of an incredible no-call on what obviously was a charging foul on Georgia as Kentucky called a set play on the inbound pass at the last second of the OT. Two games. Two upsets by the worst team in the league. And the gift of playing an improbable 2nd game on the same day roughly six hours later against Mississippi State which was a higher seed than Kentucky.

How many SEC games had Georgia won all year before the tournament? 4. By the second game in eight hours they had won two since Thursday. Now they played highly favored Mississippi State on their bitter rival's home floor in front of only the mascots. Led by Sundiata Gaines who pumped in 20 before fouling out with 7:18 left, Georgia provided one of the most gutsy performances in my memory by hanging in the game and eventually winning the game 64-60. Georgia played with heart, courage, and super human energy in an incredibly difficult situation. I was about ready to pack the game in when Gaines fouled out and hurt his hip with 7:18 left. I thought that Mississippi State would take the momentum and begin to distance themselves from the exhausted Georgia squad. Astonishingly, Georgia out hustled their opponents down the stretch. They flipped a switch and went into another gear that nobody believed they had all year in the last five minutes. They refused to quit. They banged for tough rebounds. They used their quickness to get good shots in the paint. They stayed on their feet. And they pulled it out in the end. It is unknown whether they were playing for their beleaguered coach (it's not his fault that Georgia is where they are as a program) or for better grades in their weight lifting classes, but it is clear that they had the heart and guts of a team refusing to quit under crazy circumstances.

One of the most critical measures of an individual or a team is how they handle crisis. I am not interested in how people do when things are going well. That's too easy. It's when people go through a crisis is where I can see what they are truly made of. Georgia met the crisis they found themselves in at the door, said hello, and kicked it in the knees. They met the challenge. Their reward? A chance at making the Big Dance with four straight improbable wins. A chance at 16-16 to make it to the Big Dance. A chance to win the SEC tournament championship by knocking off Arkansas (on their bitter rival's home court in front of only the cheerleaders and camera crew). Arkansas stunned a recklessly fun #4 ranked Tennessee squad today 92-91 to earn a bid to the Dance as well. Whatever happens no one will forget Georgia's unlikely run. I hope that the story ends with then punching a ticket to the dance and raising a trophy that no one on Earth felt that they would even see outside of a glass case let alone touch. If it doesn't end in story book format, then I will always have the knowledge that they became more than a basketball team. They became something bigger than themselves that each player will take with them in any walk of life for the rest of their lives. Isn't that what college athletics is supposed to be anyways?

It Isn't Called March Madness For Nothing

I think that I forgot to mention yesterday that the only way that I could watch Virginia Commonwealth play in their conference tournament was through ESPN360.com. Actually, I believe that I did. I was under the impression today that they would also cover the VCU-William and Mary semi-final match-up in the CAA this afternoon. After ripping the laptop away from my daughter and threatening to give her cat away to the neighbors, I went to ESPN.com and found that the game was not available for on-line viewing. I went to my digital cable box and found the game on pay-per-view. On principal alone, I refused to pay some obscene price to watch one game on TV. Especially, not a William and Mary-VCU match-up that looked on paper like another walk-over for VCU....

So I thought.

I kept tabs on the game score on-line through the sports news and entertainment evil empire. ESPN, don't promise me a game on-line and then don't give to me even if it is William and Mary. Never do that to me again. Do you have a bias against William and Mary? What's wrong with The Tribe? C'mon, Jon Stewart graduated from there! It can't be that bad. I digress.

So I keep tabs on the game comforted that VCU had not lost to William and Mary in 100 years.
However, the scores made me nervous. VCU up by 2. VCU up by 1. William and Mary up by three. However, since I did not actually see the game I can't comment on how it got to the point where the whole game appeared to be dangerously close. So as I am contemplating starting a rumor that Whitewater Hilary is a communist stooge for the KGB (Actually, this is true. Believe me.) or that John McCain dresses like a flamingo dancer in his spare time (Also true), I check the ticker on one of the Evil Empire's channels (ESPN 12?). I see that William and Mary and VCU are tied at 54 with less than a minute left. Now, I am nervous. There is absolutely no way that William and Mary is going to beat VCU on their floor in a conference semi-final game. No way. Where was Eric Maynor? Where was Coach Grant's magic?

A minute later I go to ESPN 127 and find that they have a live feed of the game. I look on the clock and see 3 seconds left. It initially appeared that the score was still tied. Then I looked again and dropped my "salt shaker" on the floor. The line read William and Mary 56, VCU 54. What is happening? This must be an alternative universe where William Shatner is going to come out of the closet singing "Maggie May" and it will all be a silly dream. However, it wasn't.
VCU inbounded the ball by haphazardly slinging it across court. VCU never got a shot off. The buzzer sounded and that was it. The end.

The end of VCU's run at the conference title. The end of the myth that VCU can win in the clutch. The illusion dismantled that no matter the situation Eric Maynor would put the team on his back and lead them to victory. All gone. I did not watch the game and I am now happy that I didn't. Had I watched the game all the way to the end I would have fallen off the wagon and ordered three Meat Lover Pizzas from Pizza Hut. I would have gone on a pizza and potato chip bender for three weeks. In the end, all I can assume was that the Tribe played their hearts out and VCU again shot miserably from the floor and the free throw line and eventually gave the game away. A game they should have won. On paper. But, this is March. March in the college basketball world is the season of the improbable becoming real. Where teams who have no business being on the same court with an opponent find some way to pull out a stunning win. It happened today. To my team. My team that was the team that should have won. Instead, a white guy dressed as an Indian stormed the court with the cheerleaders (no wonder the NCAA wants William and Mary to dump 'The Tribe' as their name and logo) as VCU slipped into the waiting room. The waiting room where nothing is in their control. A waiting room that they have to pray that their resume is good enough to go to the Dance. Where they hope that nobody else steals their at-large away from them. Where March turns into Madness.

Hoop Dreams In Richmond

I graduated from Virginia Commonwealth University with my Master's degree in December 1995. I did not plan on attending VCU initially when I was looking to attend a college in 1989. The son of a family friend had attended James Madison University and loved it there. He gave me a tour and a loved the campus. The problem? My grades. I was holding a 3.1 GPA at my high school when JMU wanted a 3.6. My SAT scores were average. In the end, I was not a solid enough student to make it onto JMU's campus. I chose VCU after a number of ill fated trips to other campuses. I went to Salem, Virginia to see Roanoke College. Too small. Too expensive. I went to West Virginia University for a visit. Too far away. Too dreary of a trip in a rain storm. WVU was the second choice. I ended up at VCU in Richmond, Virginia with plans to stay a year and transfer to JMU. Richmond was a far cry from Front Royal, Virginia in terms of size (much bigger) and dangerousness (much higher). Richmond was a city, not a small college town. The campus was a mile from downtown. I fell in love with the city and the university. I stayed for seven years and two degree programs.

VCU does not have a football team. There are T-shirts and sweatshirts you can buy that say "VCU Football: Still Undefeated." VCU was and always has been (and always will be) a basketball school. I went to many games at the old Richmond Coliseum during a dry period in the basketball program. The team remained mediocre throughout my time as a student with no trips to the Big Dance or even the NIT. In 1996, VCU entered the Colonial Athletic Association for the first time and promptly romped through the schedule and won the conference tournament. The CAA is a mid-major conference and only gets one bid to the Dance via the tournament winner. No at-large bids are given to CAA teams who fail in the tournament. The tournament incidentally has been played in Richmond since as far back as I can remember. VCU went to the NCAAs in 1996 and team showed some moderate improvement under Jeff Capel. Coach Capel was the most successful coach at VCU since the early 80's. VCU remained very competitive in the conference and began to recruit good mid-major quality players. As it alwyas happens with good mid-major coaches, Capel was lured to a big conference school when he ended up at troubled Oklahoma. I became worried that we could not get a good coach as good as Capel. I was wrong. VCU tapped Anthony Grant who had been an assistant at Florida under Billy Donovon. Florida had just won the national championship when Grant landed in Richmond. In year one, VCU won a school record 28 games and won the CAA tournament in dramatic fashion (riding top under-rated guard Eric Maynor to victory over previous NCAA Final Four glass slipper wearer George Mason). VCU knocked off Duke in the first round of the NCAAs and almost knocked off Pittsburgh to land in the Sweet Sixteen. Word immediately flew around Richmond that we were not going to be able to keep young Grant for very long. Coach Grant became the hottest mid-major coaching commodity in the country. Who can blame a major school from looking at him. He is young, intelligent, passionate, and a big time motivator. His teams rely on solid guard play and a huge choking defense. In his first season, Grant utilized a full court pressure defense to stunning success. His teams outworked their opponents and easily forced them into mistakes. He may not have had the most talented team on the floor, but they were in better shape and worked harder than anyone else. Things got dicey when Billy Donovan signed a contract to coach the Orlando Magic. Rumor had it that the University of Florida had a private jet sent to Richmond to pick up Coach Grant and take him to Gainesville to hand him the reigns of the now two-time NCAA champions. I did not believe that Grant had proven himself as a head coach long enough to warrant a shot at Florida, but those emotions came out of fear that VCU was going to lose yet another great coach. Whatever happened in Gainesville to cause Donovan to change his mind and stay at Florida is beyond me, but Grant never got on that plane (though he was on his way to the airport). Grant stayed at VCU for this season. Richmond collectively had a sigh of relief (at least for one more season). This season Grant utilized a half-court pressure defense and continued to ride the talent of Eric Maynor in key game situations. VCU was not picked this year to win the CAA. George Mason was named as a pre-season pick with VCU second. VCU began with shaky inconsistent games to start the season. They played a weak schedule and played with limited chemistry as they tried with difficulty to buy into the new defense. VCU initially gave up the ball too much on offense which led to opponents being able to break the half court pressure in transition. As a result VCU lost games they should have won. Coach Grant never wavered and pushed his team harder. The push paid off and VCU dominated CAA conference play all the way to a regular season title. I watched a shaky game VCU played in Richmond against bitter rival Old Dominion. VCU had the game in hand and was controlling the score, the clock, and the tempo. However, uncharacteristically they fell apart when it mattered most and Old Dominion gave VCU's only home loss. Poor shooting from the floor and the foul line killed them in the end. I tried not to worry about this as VCU concluded regular season play with five straight victories. Eric Maynor continued to shine as a solid play-maker when the game was on the line. He continues to have the ability to know when to take over his team and the game. When the switch is flipped Maynor is hard to stop down the stretch.

I had to turn on my computer to watch ESPN360.com for coverage of the Rams first CAA conference tournament match-up with 9th seeded Towson this afternoon. VCU won the regular season CAA title by a solid three games over George Mason. VCU led the country in defensive three point percentage and was ranked in the top ten in defensive field goal percentage. All of this stemming from a choking half-court press defense that pushes opponents to take bad shots and turn over the ball in mid-court. Today against Towson, VCU's defense did not fail. VCU repeatedly forced Towson into horrible contested shots from all over the court. Towson shot 29% for the game. They shot 38% from the foul line. Unfortunately, what I worried about after the ODU game came back to haunt me in this game. Up 11 mid way through the second half, VCU began to turn over the ball with regularity, take insane shots mostly from the three point line (Shuler, normally a solid shooting guard shot 2 for 13 from the field), and miss their foul shots. What should have been a blow-up by over twenty points turned into a four point game late in the game. Then CAA MVP Maynor flipped the switch and took over the game. He took full control of the offense and repeatedly worked his speed to his advantage which led to easy lay-ups. His facial expression did not change. He remained calm, in control, and determined. He was not going to let VCU fall apart as they did against ODU. VCU eventually won by 11. However, Coach Grant should have made his team drive back to their gym after the game for shooting drills. VCU shot 37% from the field and 57% from the line. This will not get it done in this tournament no matter how good their defense is. They will not be able to get away with this against George Mason or even their next opponent William and Mary in the CAA semis. VCU is considered a dark horse bubble team for the NCAAs. Let's be serious for a second. Everyone knows that if VCU loses in the tournament it will be considered an disastrous upset and will send them to the NIT. Let's hope that Grant can put aside dreams of going to major conference school for a few more weeks and work his magic on his team so that they will play closer to their potential and win a conference tournament that they are favored to win. Anything else may derail not only VCU's Big Dance hopes but Coach Grant's as well.

Atlanta IS The Worst Sports City

I have suffered enough. I have watched my favorite cities teams lose just one too many times. I have suffered watching what is inevitable--that our team would fail, no matter what. I have watched Boston become the best sports city after years of being in the doldrums to the point that I am ready to place a curse on Sam Cassell and David Ortiz. I have watched bad owners screw my teams into the abyss and along with it any reasonable hometown fan base. I have seen it from a distance and also close up. Both viewpoints are equally disturbing. I now have no expectation that my teams will win. I will watch a game now with no emotion except disgust and resignation. Disgust that the team has no chance at winning on a consistent basis, has a terrible coach or GM, and an ownership group that has no interest in winning. Resignation that it is certain that my team will lose and will continue to lose until we all fall off Vanderbilt's basketball court into an alternate universe.

I want to make the case that now Atlanta is the worst sports city in America.

Tonight I endure the horror of the Hawks losing to the Bobcats--again. The Bobcats are truly terrible. They do not have a real team and if they were in the Western Conference they would be relegated to the WNBA. They are in the Eastern Conference which gives anyone a chance to get into the play-offs no matter how bad your team is. I have rested on the knowledge that the Hawks were at least better than one team in the conference. That team until tonight was Charlotte. Now maybe I could say that the Miami Heat and the New York Knicks are worse than the Hawks--but not by much. The Hawks lost their fourth straight tonight because they could not play consistent defense and while on offense they all stand around watching Joe Johnson trying to carry them onto Omaha Beach like Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan while all hell in raining down from the sky. Joe Johnson is a solid player and the only one on the Hawks squad, but he can't carry a team to the promised land. He is not Kobe or King James. He is Joe Johnson--no more, no less. The Hawks actually made a move at a trade deadline by picking up an aging Mike Bibby. The Hawks have gone 3-8 since the acquisition. The Bibby move was supposed to help the Hawks make a play-off push in a bad conference. At the time of the trade, the Hawks were in a play-off spot. Now they are now closer to the Bobcats than they are a play-off slot. This is because Bibby is actually washed up. He has no interest in playing in Atlanta. Who would? The owners don't care about the team. They do not even live in Atlanta. They live closer to Washington D.C. than to Atlanta. They are watching only the balance sheet and fighting each other for control of the team. I am still not sure who is running the team. The current GM, Billy Knight has the reputation as one of the worst GMs in the league. This past week he tried to get Coach Woodson fired. I have personally wanted Woodson fired since his first game coaching in the league. The owners refused. This is the shape of the Hawks. A team that is more like a bad chemistry experiment in high school that involves slicing the atom without protective goggles. The players have given up. The coach has given up. As a fan, I am not allowed to give up. I will not give up--but in the meantime I am preparing myself for the Hawks to move to Kansas City.

Another team that illustrates my point that Atlanta is one of the worst sports cities is the Falcons. As we go into the spring of our baseball discontent, the Falcons starting quarterback and face of the city in 2006 in Michael Vick is in federal prison. Vick (Ron Mexico) is in the fed pen for getting his groove on watching and gambling on dogs killing each other in small houses painted all black. Ron Mexico pleaded guilty to federal charges instead of dragging out a melodramatic and devastating trial. The result is that he will be in federal prison until next January. The Falcons coach at the start of the season, Bobby Petrino, left with four games left on the schedule in order to get recruiting violations in Arkansas. Regardless of the cap space of the team, no one wants to sign for them. That is except for a career back-up to LT in San Diego deciding that he needed to finally become a starter. Mike Turner has spent years getting LT's scraps in San Diego. He decided that he wanted to be the starter. So he shows up in Atlanta. Of course, Atlanta. Only in Atlanta would this signing be considered exciting or promising. Why? Because no one wants to sign for the Falcons. Why? The team is a sinking ship. The team has very little talent. The talent that is on the team has lost faith in coaches and ownership so much so that they simply don't care anymore--about anything. The owner of the Falcons looks like a gangster crossed with a used car salesman. He has absolutely no clue on how to run a NFL franchise. The Falcons would be better off run by a US Congressman that has been there for twenty years. A twenty year vet of Congress would be so unethical that they would do anything to win. He would make Coach Hoodie and the Evil Empire look like Jimmy Carter. It would be wonderful if this would happen. The money that would be spent and not counted against the cap. The hookers and blow off their asses in the locker room will be aplenty. The Falcons would be the best team in the league in three years and then eventually would fall apart when one of the hookers was killed in a bathroom stall. The Falcons are simply a grease fire. No talent at any level of the organization and no prospect of any talent on the way.

The Thrashers have also fallen apart. The current coach and GM has no clue what he is doing. The team can not stop anyone from scoring in the clutch. The team has lost so many opportunities to win games that each game requires each fan in attendance to have a note from their doctor that they can handle the heartache. The Thrashers have only one scoring threat and his name is Illya. No one should be playing hockey at a professional level with that name. They sent off another scoring threat to Pittsburgh for players who are not ready for starring roles in the NHL right at the deadline. Since the deadline, the players have stopped listening to their coaches and have tanked the season.

The Braves appear to be the only ray of hope. However, this is an illusion bordering on a delusion. There has been very little change on the roster since the end of last year. Andruw Jones is gone now and probably at the right time since his batting average spent the majority of the season under .200. He was replaced by Mark Kotsay who will not be able to hit NL pitching consistently. The Braves have Tom Glavine back, but what is the point now? Glavine is no longer effective on a consistent basis. If he was, he would still be playing for the Mets. Instead he is rotting in a starting rotation of aging vets and players coming back from major injuries. When one of your starting pitchers that you are counting on for your team's success or failure is coming off a major injury that has put them out for several years you are in deep trouble. The team has old talent--not new or young talent. A team relying on old talent (such as the Yankees and the Red Sox) is playing with a loaded AK-47. Bobby Cox's liver is probably close to failing after years of drinking during games. The team's "new" ownership has no interest in winning either and are unwilling to spend any money in order to win. Thus, the team will continuously have very little talent to work with and remain around .500 for the next two decades. However, the Braves were the only team to give the city of Atlanta a championship--13 years ago. There are none on the horizon.

Atlanta's teams are suffering from chronic apathy amongst the players, coaches, and owners. Atlanta sports fans are also suffering from chronic apathy as signified by their lack of attendance at games. One title thirteen years ago along with years of disgrace and embarrassment (for the exception of the Braves play-off years that mostly ended in bitter disappointment) makes Atlanta truly cursed as a sports city. There is very little hope now in Atlanta for it's sports teams. Sadly, this is nothing new.

To get a nice picture of the current state of Atlanta sports you can go to this blog.

A Letter To Cheeseheads

Dear Cheeseheads,

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my office escaping my employees who secretly want me dead. Wait a minute, they actually do want me dead. They want me to be pushed to insanity like Michael Keaton in Pacific Heights. I turn on the Crackberry and read the e-mail headings in the nearly 3,000 e-mails I get daily. Most of these e-mails are from mobsters or pimps, but that is of little concern. I find a news alert stating that your favorite icon in Green Bay. Your #4. Your favorite Vicodin savior. Your Brett Favre announced his retirement from 17 years of NFL football. Most for your team--The Packers. Then I learned that there was no melodramatic tearful press conference where he announces in front of clicking cameras and hideous close-ups that he is finished. No on-field interview as snow was flying around Lambeau. No interview with Barbara Walters or Oprah Obama. He let us know that he was retiring by leaving voice mails and letting it officially be announced through the team's leadership. I felt a little miffed that Bret did not announce this to you face to face. He has been so honest and up-front with his up's and down's with you all throughout his time in Green Bay. Up until now. This was like finding out you were getting a divorce through your mailman delivering the divorce papers. I quickly got over Brett stiffing you until I heard interviews with you immediately after the announcement that Brett was not coming back from Mississippi this summer. I heard your reactions of full-blown grief, shock, and mourning. I heard how nothing was ever going to be the same again. I heard how the sun will never shine on Lambeau Field again. I heard how you needed to cry over your loss. Once I heard all of this, I knew that I needed to write you with several thoughts.

First, Brett Favre is not dead. I repeat. Brett did not die in a plane crash like Clemente. He did not get eaten by a bear. He did not get run over by a speed boat running cocaine into Miami. He did not die. Brett is definitely still alive. With this in mind, I have to say that you are over reacting. You are reacting as if your mother died or your favorite pet. You are acting as if you are going to go to his funeral and have his #4 jersey draped over a yellow and green coffin (and I KNOW that one exists!!!) and some sort of salute involving turkey shooters and bratwurst. Calm down. Brett is still alive. You are still alive. You do not need to act as if he did. You are being more melodramatic than Brit Spears. Stop, wake up, and smell the cheese.

Second, Brett may not be completely done. It is March. The season starts in six months. Training camp is in four months. Every NFL player is exhausted in March. Every player is looking in the mirror and asking themselves if they really have another year left in the tank. Favre, of course, is mentally tired. He is a NFL quarterback. He is one of the best quarterbacks ever to play. He holds the career mark for interceptions. However, Favre physically is in good shape. Physically he is able to play at a very high level. He still has the ability to lead his team into the play-offs and beyond. I definitely imagine after Favre kills a few animals and hits a golf ball one too many times into a creek or does another commercial for acid reflux disease that the fire will return. The competitive drive will come back and he'll be dying to get back on the field. I will not believe that he is completely retired until Aaron Rodgers takes the first snap for your team in a real regular season game--in September.

Third, please please give Aaron Rodgers a chance. I know that he is not Brett. No one is going to be Brett. Brett is an all-time gamer. He is one of the best. Notice that I did not say was. I said is. I am not convinced that he is really done. However, in case he is then I need to tell you to give Rodgers a chance. I do not know how good he will be. I do not know if he will be able to lead your team to the promised land. I do not know if he will develop a gambling habit or a Vicodin addiction or have a desire to see dogs kill each other. I do not know and neither do you. I do know that your team felt that he had the athletic ability and potential to be your starting quarterback. I do know that you will destroy any chance he has to be an effective quarterback who will lead the Packers to victory if you turn on him the moment he has a bad game. If a rainstorm of boos come from you every time he throws that ill-timed interception or dart into the dirt thirty yards away from any receiver, then you will kill him. Once that happens, then he is no good to you and a long line of really horrible quarterbacks will follow. Then you will be--The Atlanta Falcons. A train wreck of a team where no one who has any talent wants to play (except back-up running backs gunning to prove themselves). You did not know Favre was going to be Favre until you gave him a chance. Please give Rodgers the same chance. Don't destroy his psyche by Week 4. If you do, then you get what you dish out. Trust me.

Good luck to you. Cut back on all the beer and brats. See a doctor. Stay healthy.

Signed,

Fox 4NX