Now That Brady Is Hurt, Who Do I Target Now?

Eight minutes into the season my favorite quarterback in the NFL, Tom Brady, went down with a left ACL tear that ended his season.  The jury is out whether or not it ends the Patriots season since they are the Evil Empire of the NFL and who knows what kind of unethical trick that they will  pull to remain in the thick of things.  The Colts, Chargers, Steelers, Jags, and maybe the Broncos now have reason to be hopeful.  Many people have stated that the Brady injury is bad for the league.  I totally disagree.  Now the season is more interesting and intriguing.  It is now no longer a given that the Patriots will win 12 to 15 games this year and being the number one seed in the AFC.  Some other team, maybe the Jets or the Bills, actually has a chance to win the division or at least be in the play-offs.  I am very interested in seeing how this all works itself out in the long run.

However, for me (and I am completely selfish), I am not as hopeful for the season as a wayward degenerate on-line sports gambler (I was 56% this weekend betting on everything from baseball to the CFL) blog writer.

I started this blog in December of last year.  Tom Brady was and is my favorite punching bag.  Not using protection, knocking up a pretty actress, dumping the pregnant actress, date another pretty underwear model all food for the machine that is this blog.  Now, he is gone.  For the season.  I was hoping to have the entire season to rain written haymakers at Brady.  I was planning to be openly critical of every single move he made on the field and even more so off the field.  I was ready.  Everyday I was ready to jab Brady with witty barbs about condoms, razors, gerbils, and edible underwear in bath houses in Boston.  I was really looking forward to it.  Now, it makes no sense.  He's not on the field.  He's hurt and gone for the season.  He is not on the front page as a target for my venom.  He will be irrelevant this season.  And that is the worst shot of all.  He will not be in the harshest public eye that he craves.  He will not be sought by reporters after every game which is what he needs as badly as he needs a cafe latte with skim goat milk from a Starbucks that he can walk to in a designer sweater made in a sweatshop in Thailand.  The whole point of writing disturbing blog posts about how Brady loves gerbils and garden hoses is predicated on the fact that he gets so much attention.  Now, he's out of the spotlight.  That hurts him the hardest and it hurts me because my target is gone.  I have to now find another target.  I always have to have a target.  In baseball it was Barry Zito and Andruw Jones for being horrible underachievers when you look at how much they are getting paid.  So who is going to be now?  Who can I target?   

It seems that Vince Young could be a nice target.  He wimped out of the first game of the year at home because he was being booed by the home fans for playing horribly that he did not want to enter the game at one point, faked an injury, and then went out and got hurt for real.  That makes for a great target...until the Titans called the police because he couldn't be found at home last night and they feared for his mental health.  When your employer calls the police because they are afraid that you are so emotionally fragile that you are teetering on the edge then your career with that employer is over.  Employers never want to deal with that mess no matter how concerned they seem.  Trust me.  It is for these reasons that make Young off limits for me.  I can't in good conscience go after him.

What about Brett Favre?  He is now a verb for unretiring within three months of retiring.  He plays for the Jets.  Problem is that he played pretty well in his first game and didn't cost them the game...however, it was the Jets.  Unless he completely falls apart there is no point in making him a blog target.  Unless he cheats on his wife with Sarah Palin.  

What about Ocho Cinco?  Too easy.  He is so ridiculous that even I can't top how ridiculous he is because he does it so well on his own.

What about the Raiders?   Too easy.  Al Davis is probably dead and they are propping him up to be seen like El Cid or the dead guy from Weekend at Bernie's.  That team is the biggest train wreck right now.  They played miserably last night as they were getting blown out by Denver.  Maybe they need to move again...to Las Vegas.

Tony Romo?  That might be the ticket.  He's handsome.  Dates an blond airhead.  Plays quarterback for the highest profile team in the league.  Wears his hats backwards trying to be a cool fourteen year kid. However, I can't think of what to blast him on.  Does anyone out there have any ideas?  The long and short of it is that I need a new NFL target to mercilessly blast every week.  Please send me your ideas.  I know that there has to be many to choose from out there, but I can't figure it out as I am in mourning that I can't rag on Brady for the rest of the season.  Help!!!