A New Low And Your Pro Football Picks

I love the above video. It is the latest chapter of the most surreal downfall in the history of professional sports. The Oakland Raiders were once a proud franchise that had it's own mystique that personified the grit of the ugly sister of the Bay Area main cities. Three Super Bowls. Ken Stabler. Al Davis in jump suits. Stick-Um soaked uniforms. All part of the lore of the Raiders. Prior to this week the Raiders had sunk to one of the worst franchises in professional sports. As an Atlanta sports fan, I know all about being the worst franchise in professional sports...we have the Falcons and the Hawks...and we know how stellar those franchises are!! Remember everyone that the Raiders had a Super Bowl appearance in this decade. Of course, the week of the game, their center went on a literal manic rant and ended up in Mexico doing who knows what. He's in prison now, I think, but I digress. The Bowl loss to Tampa Bay and the team's coach from the previous season who was run out of town by Al Davis before he died led to a free-fall at a massive level. Not even the fall from grace of Barry Bonds, Pete Rose, Roger Clemens, and Barry Manilow can compare to the suicide jump from the Bay Bridge the Raiders have taken. When Coach Chuckie was run out of town to Tampa it was clear that Al Davis's brain had finally succumbed to the effects of untreated syphilis. He had gone absolutely insane and eventually died four years ago. They prop up his body in the booth during games and at his desk like El Cid. Decisions are made by putting choices on pieces of paper on his desk and raising his cold hand over his head and letting it randomly flop on a choice. Hence we have the choice of Lane Kiffin as a head coach and letting Fargas be a starting running back. The fact that Kiffin is still the head coach proves that Al Davis is really dead and the key decisions are being made by a flopping hand. The fact that upper management of the Raiders openly criticizes Kiffin and, as the video above illustrates, attacks reporters during pressers shows that the Raiders have sunk to being the worst professional sports franchise. The Knicks are right there, but the Raiders have caught up. I am almost ashamed to admit that I have been a fan of the Raiders. For one of the stupidest reasons in the history of sports fandom. Here's the story. When I was thirteen my best friend had an electric football set. He had all of the NFL teams. He also had a wild imagination. He ran a electric football league with all of the NFL teams playing a shortened season and then a play-off leading to a Super Bowl. He liked to include his friends in the game by making them players on various teams in the league. One season I was "drafted" by the then Los Angeles Raiders. I did better than Todd Marinovich and won three Super Bowl titles three MVP awards, married Madonna, and ended up the Hall of Fame in the Silver Spring, Maryland electric football league before being found in a hotel room with a drugged out prate bear, a rabbit, ten bags of heroin, and the Olsen twins. At that point, being thirteen and a wanna-be goth sports degenerate the Raiders were appealing. They have not won a Super Bowl, electric or otherwise, since.

Now the Raiders are run by a dead guy who died of syphilis four years ago. The Raiders have gone 19-61 in the last five years. They have had fifty head coaches in that time frame. They have also made horrible personnel decisions and random draft picks that have led to a sense of disorder that only is eclipsed in it's ineptness by the Bush presidency and WaMu. The team on the field is actually playing better even though they blew a nine point lead with four minutes left last weekend. However, internally, when your team is being run by a dead guy you have surreal moments like upper management types with bad polo shirts attacking reporters at a presser for asking questions about the death watch of Lane Kiffin while on the other hand the same bad polo short wearing idiots bash the same coach every day in the press. The franchise has fallen to a new low. The lowest and worst professional franchise. Congratulations.


Atlanta at Carolina (-6.5)
Bill Simmons summed up my feelings about the 2-1 Falcons with this passage today:

"I'd feel a little better if their two victories hadn't come against Nos. 31 and 30 on this list. Still, your average Falcons fan is like a broke college student who went to a casino with $100 to gamble, turned it into $300 in 20 minutes, put a $100 chip in his pocket, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Whatever happens from now on, worst-case scenario, I'm breaking even."

My feelings exactly. Everything else might just be icing. Did you notice that both Michael Turner and Julius Norwood are averaging over six yards a carry? That won't be the case after Sunday. The Panthers are a better team. They are playing at home. They should win by at least a touchdown. It will be a struggle to score points. Take the under also.
Dippy: Carolina, of course.

San Francisco at New Orleans (-5)
The Saints have been a huge disappointment in my book. They supposedly made upgrades to their offense and defense. None of that has bore fruit. They have no defense to speak of and they are going up against a real upgraded offense in San Francisco. The Saints can't stop the pass (or even the run). This might be a track meet and I would take the 49ers.
Dippy: New Orleans.

Washington at Dallas (-11)
The line in this game is too high. I know that Tony Romo is at home. He's probably been drinking Jess under the table for the last two weeks and doing cocaine with TO. Nevertheless, the Cowboys are the best team in the NFC. But this line is too high in this rivalry game. Take the points with Washington who will keep it close against an over-rated defense.
Dippy: Washington.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-5.5)
The Ravens are better than any of us think. Their defense is back to am above average level and their offense looks actually functional under Flacco (the worst football name ever). New coach and new energy for Baltimore will come down to reality this week. Pittsburgh is so brazenly vanilla that they dare you to try to beat them even though everyone knows what they are going to do next. Take Pittsburgh.
Dippy: Baltimore.

Minnesota at Tennessee (-3)
This looks like a complete sucker bet. The Titans at home against the Vikings. On paper, the Titans are playing at a higher level. Be careful of the Titans. Even with Kerry Collins as the quarterback they are a formidable team. He's actually an upgrade. A real quarterback. Their offense is functional and their defense is very good. Petersen is hurt, again. Take the Titans. This one looks so easy that I am tempted to pick the Vikings. Nonetheless, I believe in the Titans. I wonder if Collins is still sober.
Dippy: Tennessee.