In A Real Cage Fight Kimbo Would Have Lost

I watched the majority of the MMA industry's attempt at mainstream legitimacy on Saturday night between shots of Jager and the Stanley Cup Final Game 4. Apparently, five percent of the viewing audience was also watching CBS's debut of the Elite XC featuring it's new headliner and poster boy Kimbo Slice. It is also interesting to note that when Kimbo was on after 11 p.m. EST the TV market share jumped three to four percent. But in a real cage fight Kimbo Slice would have been laid out like Clubber Lang at the end of Rocky III.

I have to state that going into this post that I know little of MMA. I understand that it has gained a significant cult-like following that has exploded over the last couple of years. The phenomena has been reminiscent of poker's rise and fall on ESPN that started around four years ago. Initially, MMA was regulated to train wreck cage fights in rural hot-spots and had the legitimacy as a sport of, let's say, professional wrestling. The neat thing apparently about MMA is that there's fighting, in a cage, few rules, and blood soaked carnage. This love fest hearkens back to the Roman gladiator days of fighting to the death with sharp objects and wild animals (unless you are Russell Crowe and you fight to death with dead beats and tin cans while looking pretty at the same time...very realistic).

However, MMA has blown up like a twelve year old girl's text messaging service. It has risen beyond the Jerry Springer like cage fights that still populate rural America where it was marketed as a "no holds barred" gore fest. It has risen to a level where there are true athletes, who truly have skills, training in multiple fighting styles, have real rules, and fights where there are true winners and losers. The UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championships which started in 1993 as an organized league) clearly now has a stable of top-level athletes who are in top condition and take the sport seriously. Despite pre-conceived notions, the UFC is the standard bearer for the MMA world.

That is not what we saw on Saturday night. What we saw on Saturday night was a staged train wreck and toxic dumpster fire of what I think was packaged to us as MMA. But it wasn't. In fact, it may have set the sport back several years. The fights appeared to be staged. They appeared to be pre-determined. The fights were packaged to appeal to people who eat boogers in their underwear. I watched three of the fights. Each fight had calls to end the fight by the "referee" as completely questionable. There were situations where the eventual winner of the fight got pummeled and appeared to be out of gas, but got a reprieve while the eventual loser needed just a few blows to have the towel thrown. The worst affront to our intelligence was the Kimbo Slice fiasco. Slice, who appears to be a cross between an insanity acquitee and a Southern preacher (is there a difference?), got hit at one point 4,000 consecutive times by James Thompson who was supposed to be a cream puff (if a cream puff had a second head the size of a volleyball) fall guy only to have the "referee" let the fight keep going. Eventually, an out of gas/out of shape Slice knocks the guy in the head a few times and that was it...towel thrown...your winner, Preacher Leon!!!!

The token "chick fight" was between two women (one quite pretty and one quite...err..manly) who obviously were completely inexperienced and were only in the ring so the Elite XC (the organization running this parade of freaks) could say they had a "chick fight." The fight was not really a fight. It was someone on the mat on their back in a leg and head lock for ten minutes. If I wanted to see head and leg locks I would have sex with my "girl friend." Both women were out of shape, but could probably kick my ass. However, this was a token staged fight. It was clear from the beginning that the "pretty" one was going to win. Sure, she got in enough shots on her opposition to cause a cantaloupe to grow from her head, but it was clear by the way the the fight was officiated that the winner was going to win and anyone (including a Jager idled blogger) knew well before the "fight" even started. In the happy dancing bunny world the "pretty one" ALWAYS wins athletic competitions. In the real world that I hope we all live in the "pretty one" hardly ever wins. Exception to the rule: Maria Sharapova.

Overall, the whole staged fight night was an insult to our intelligence. Or at least to mine. I have watched a number of UFC fights over the last several months. For the most part, the athletes were in shape. The fights clearly were officiated in a fair and balanced manner. They featured athletes who truly knew what they are doing in the ring. They featured fighters who take the sport seriously and are taken seriously. The fights are now presented not as a complete freak show, but as a true contest between two skilled athletes. When I watch the UFC fights I feel like I am watching a true sporting event. Yes, the UFC has some of the same contrived freakish pandering to a lower demographic who thinks that Kool-Aid is healthy. However, the sport featured is truly a sport.

The Elite XC just looked like...dare I say?...pro wrestling. Staged. Overly-hyped. Pre-determined. Appeals to toe nail clipping collectors. The sad irony is that now most of our professional sports appear to be just as phony, artificial, and staged. So watching the Elite XC was probably par for the course when compared to the current state of professional sports.
Our current professional sports feature cheaters, fakers, criminals, and train wrecks that have nearly destroyed the integrity of athletics. The Elite XC is an over-the-top manifestation of the same downward trend. Hence, the appeal of the UFC as true MMA. The true MMA fan knows that the UFC is the real deal. It is truly an athletic competition (albeit a bloody one).
So as I heard the reaction of the true, knowledgable MMA fan I compared it to my own experience Saturday night watching the toxic dumpster fire of the Elite XC take MMA on a stereo-typed nose dive into a waterless pool, I knew that the true MMA fan knows the difference between a farce and a true sport...and I agree. That is until it gets corrupted just like all of our other professional sports.