Zito Wins!!! Zito Wins!!!

Finally, Zito Wins!!! The most expensive pitching victory ever...clocking in at around 14.8 million dollars. Break out the well aged swiss. More on Zito later.

As the Memorial Day holiday comes to a close and the summer season of discontent begins, I am feeling relaxed as I have had a decent weekend for a change. I have relaxed for three full days, caught some sun, drank beer, and read a rather outstanding new book by a new writer. I will write more about this in a future post. However, the title of the book is Child 44 (hit the link to go to the Barnes and Noble site). Trust me that this is the best novel I have read in several years. You have heard of books that are "page turners"? This is one of them.

The DefCon level in the Fox household has continued to go down. It is now at a DefCon 4. This is the best level that it has been at for several months. I am not sure what to make of it. All of the superpowers (and wanna-be superpowers) are getting along as well as could be expected. The Russian embassy was open for visitors over the weekend. There has been no talk of spies, pandas, giant spiders, nuclear weapons, or any dissolution of treaties. Kim Jong Il is a bit calmer these days. (S)he actually asked for my opinion on something worthwhile. As per my new style, I spoke the truth with very little held back. This tactic works better for me. It is a lot better that people around me know exactly where I stand and where they stand as well. I owe a lot of this to new found mental and physical energy that I have not had in years. My mental faculties are no longer "mush." I am now the sharpest I have ever been. This, of course, means that any one that I write about in this blog had better watch out because I'm coming and nothing is going to stop me. Not even a pregnant (maybe?) bichon frise dog.

I have also managed to lose 35 pounds in the last four months. I have even switched to "light" beer. That is like switching from DIY blunts to filtered cigarettes for me. Good times. Really. I had to go to a smaller pant size because my originals were falling off. OK, everyone stop being jealous. It is perfectly possible to be a complete train wreck and lose 35 pounds. It's called doing meth.

I am hoping not to catch too much grief on my last post regarding Whitewater Hillary's South Dakota RFK assassination reference. I really believe that I am openly speaking the truth about a dark fear that many people close to the campaigns have. That is, that there are forces at work who absolutely do not want either Obama or Hillary to be President and not because they are necessarily Republican. It's because they do not want America to be run by a black man or a white woman. Period. I refuse to believe that their campaigns have not gotten some sort of notice that there are possible security and safety threats out there beyond the typical "I want to knock off a President" killer. P.S. to the Secret Service---I did not reference that I wanted to knock off anyone. Thanks. I will expect your customary letter.

People have written me recently asking about what I have been listening to recently. I am happy to say that I will be devoting a whole segment on this soon. I have found some interesting music in the last few months. Check out a band called MGMT. Interesting stuff. Their song "Time to Pretend" is my new anthem.

Now for your update:

ANDRUW JONES

Well, Andruw is now on the 15-day DL for a busted up knee that he has having surgery on tomorrow. I suspect that he will be out of action for several weeks. This means I will need to find another unsuspecting underachieving millionaire baseball player to hassle. Any suggestions?

AVG.: .165 HR: 2 RBI: 7 OBP: .273 SLG: .271

Andruw's replacement in CF you ask?

MATT KEMP

AVG.: .315 HR: 3 RBI: 28 OBP: .361 SLG: .458

Salary? $406,000.

BARRY ZITO

Two worlds collided this past week. Not the Lohan-Spears feud that could lead to both families to check into adjoining rooms at the next Surreal World house. Wouldn't that be something if VH1 could pull that off? That would be great. On one side of house would be the Lohan family and the other side the Spears family. The prize for the family that stays in the house the longest is a years supply of Lithium and cocaine. No, the two worlds that collided was Barry Zito and the Florida Marlins this past week as Barry finally got his first win of the season. It was not a cheap win either. He threw 108 pitches in 6 1/3 innings while giving up only one earned run and three hits.

W-L: 1-8 ERA: 5.65 SO: 27 WHIP: 1.80

On another baseball note, Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves is currently batting over .400. I am debating using him as the replacement Jones on this weekly update, but I am afraid that it will just jinx him. Thoughts are welcome.