Manhunter Insane, Coming Out Of A Coma, And Other Brain Matter

I have just returned from one of the weaker professional conferences that I have ever attended. The saving grace of the whole three and a half day beer fest was the fact that it was in Virginia Beach right before the tourist season started. The weather was nearly perfect for the entire stay. I was able (as my somewhat absurd posting showed) to enjoy the weather, women, and wine (beer) throughout the trip. I didn't sleep much during the trip due to "socializing" and "light refreshments" which lead to my acknowledgement that I have been in a coma for about six years. There were times that I felt that I had been abducted my UFO's and had some sort of weird probing experiments performed. My post on Wednesday I am sure appeared that I had been abducted by something. On one end of the spectrum, I felt that I was continuing my slow decent into pure insanity. This is reminiscent of nine years ago where I slipped into personal and professional purgatory. In May of 1999, I watched my first marriage end as well as getting too emotionally involved in a case I was working on. A divorce in of itself is enough to make anyone absolutely crazy. Then to top it all off I got involved in working a case in which a middle aged emotionally and physically abusive man got blown away by his wife in their bedroom while their two year old was slipping and the six year old was watching TV in the living room. I got too caught up emotionally in this case and it nearly made me Manhunter insane. I started thinking, feeling, and acting like the murderer the further I got involved in the case. I had gotten into the head of someone else and I could not get out. I am here to tell you that this actually does happen. The sad irony of it all is that I tried to get my colleagues to pull me out of a complete dumpster fire of a situation and all I got was reassurances that I truly was not insane and that everything would be "O.K." This led to six months of a living hell with my career in the balance. My career survived and I survived, but scarred. The flip side to what is happening is that I was able to get a level of clarity near the end of my trip (despite the "light refreshments", "socializing", and little sleep). This clarity has led me to challenge myself and the status quo of my current life. The status quo in my life is full of quicksand. In the end, I am convinced that life is way too short to be unhappy. Life is too short to keep my lips shut. Life is too short to not let simply let things ride. Life is too short to be around people that I can not challenge. I try not to live in a world with regrets, but I admit that I have them. I regret a number of major decisions that I made around six years ago which I am still paying for now. I made these decisions because I did not have the guts to state how I really felt and what I truly believed. I made the decisions because I was trying avoid a conflict that eventually happened anyways. As a result, I am where I am at now personally and professionally. I am unhappy right now with both major aspects of my life. So it is time for a major change in both areas. Why? Because life is too short to be unhappy and it is even worse to remain unhappy when there is something that can be done about it. I do not know what I am going to do exactly. I am simply weighing all the options. I will say that I am not keeping my mouth shut anymore. I am not willing anymore to sit on my hands and let things happen that I do not agree with. I am not willing anymore to let my life drift by. In the last several months I have come back from serious medical problems and I have transformed my body. Now it is time to transform my spirit, heart, and mind. It will not be easy, but it must be done. I have risen from a coma and I need a haircut.

It is Mother's Day. I tried to call my mother twice. I was unable to reach my mother or any member of my immediate family. I left messages. I have not received a call in return. I suspect that this part of a grudge that my family has against me for not following through on my duties as a family member. I am extremely thankful for both my mother and father for the opportunities that they gave me to be who I am and who I wanted to be. They allowed me the room to grow and the room to become my own person. They gave me the best of each of them. They gave my opportunities that allowed me to go into my profession and to excel within it. For this I will always be thankful. I do not blame them for any aspect of my childhood. It is a waste of time to blame one's parents for being an absolute train wreck. Yes, they taught me directly and indirectly about how to live in the world, make decisions, and become the person that I am. Yes, they, for better or worse, shaped my personality. However, they are not responsible for the decisions that I make now. I can't blame them for where I am now. I am where I am now in my life because of the decisions I have made as an adult. I have made some great decisions and I have made some very ugly decisions. I have made ugly decisions purely out of a hard driven need to practice the joy of avoidance. One day I will elaborate further on this issue, but this post is already a downer so I will stop here while I am barely ahead. Just remember boys and girls, you can't blame your parents for everything bad in your life when your are 36 and have not lived at home full-time since you are 17. You just can't. If you do, then you probably need to return home.

The new album, Narrow Stairs, by the band, Death Cab For Cutie, is coming out this week. Death Cab is both an excellent band and an excellent name for a band. The band's name fits their music nearly perfectly. The best word I can use to describe their music is melancholy. The band's name is dripping with emo driven young adult angst. Perfect. Death Cab's last album, which most of their fan base described as a "sell-out", was released three years ago and was one of their better efforts. I have been looking forward to this release for several months for two reasons. First, this year so far in music has been completely mediocre. There have been no releases so far this year that I can say is better than a 3.0 GPA album. There have been too many albums that have had too many throw away songs. There have been three releases that I have this year that I have enjoyed after further listening: Elbow, The Seldom Seen Kid; R.E.M., Accelerate; and a cheesy Moscow electronica band called London. London is fronted by a vixen named, hold your hats everyone!, Lolitta! On Lolitta's website, Lolitta.ru, she claims that she is 16 and has numerous photos and videos wearing extremely short English school girl skirts. She also has a completely pathological fetish over anything Harry Potter. There is a link from her web site to the band's website, which leads to another site where you can download for free their album. The band has had a number of appearances on Russia MTV. Yes, there is such a thing. It is a bad year for music when I am listing a cheesy Russian electroncia band fronted by a singer who is openly trying to lure sex offenders as one of my favorites so far this year. No wonder she gets 5,000,000 hits a day on her website. I am praying that Death Cab's album will get this year in music back on track. Secondly, I think...I forgot. Let's move on.

Whitewater Hillary is losing superdelegates to Oprah Obama. It is time to put an end to this thing. It is time for Hillary to move on. It is time for her to throw in the towel. I suspect that she will wait as long as possible hoping that Obama will end up in a scandal involving oceanfront hotels and "light refreshments" followed by "socializing." I guess it could happen to anyone.

One of the Bush twins is off the market...officially. Knowing her track record she was not officially off the market until she said "I do" and I suspect that even that does not make it complete certain. Nonetheless, she is technically "unavailable", which makes her completely attractive to me...on second thought, even I will pass on her.

I do have a crush though...I have had this crush for quite awhile....jfjwfkjwehfkjewhgfklerhhekjlghjkehlkjhewrjkglhjkglhekjlghwekjlhgkjle.....(that's my head hitting the keyboard as I just got tasered by the bunny living in my house.)

Tomorrow you will get the now infamous Zito-Jones update!!!