The Best Football Weekend Of The Year???

Most people that I have listened to over the last couple of days have stated that this weekend's NFL match-ups are the ingredients of the "best football weekend of the year." Well, this all depends on what year you are talking about. If we are talking about the year 2008 then I think that these folks are right. The first "weekend" of the year started horribly over matched teams getting whacked in bowl games. USC torching Illinois. Georgia murdering Hawaii. West Virginia drilling Oklahoma. Three key BCS games that ended in disaster with two of the best teams in the country as it stands right now, USC and Georgia, left no doubt that they deserved to have a say in who wins the mythical Harry Potter-like BCS Championship. No real drama to be had. Last weekend featured either totally unwatchable games (Tennessee-San Diego and NY Giants-Tampa) or games that had the possibility of drama only to have it snatched away like Bill Belichick's sanity. Pittsburgh almost came back against Jacksonville in the only entertaining game, but their rookie head coach got out coached by a guy that left a big chuck of a tree and an ax in the middle of the locker room where the punter nearly chopped his own leg off. Washington had their charming run get dismantled by a quarterback who acted as if he was 12 instead of his age (36). The weekend ended with the BCS Championship game where the two luckiest teams in college football played a endlessly boring game where the ending was never in doubt by the second quarter. Gee...just like the year before. Gee...the same team coached by Mr. Sweater Vest got rolled again...Gee. The next time Ohio State lucks out with an easy Big Ten schedule and ends up with an invite to the BCS Championship Game they should turn it down and go to the Rose Bowl instead or the Hawaii Bowl. They should decline. Period. I would rather see an Amy Fisher sex tape or Tom Brady win another Super Bowl then watch Ohio State get rolled again in another bowl game.
They should be disqualified from the BCS permanently. By the way, the great Big Ten conference was 2-6 in bowl games this year and lost the two key BCS match-ups (Illinois and Ohio State). The SEC won their key BCS match-ups (Georgia and LSU). There is still no doubt that the SEC is better in football. Whoever questions this should be forced to sit with K-Fed during his next recording session.

So that brings us to this weekend. Do not let the lines fool you. Each of the home teams are favored by seven or more points. Some are justified in their favorite status. Some are not. There are many many sub-plots this weekend to keep things interesting enough to not get hammered into oblivion on rotten Egg Nog and Milwaukee's Best. Last week I was 0-4 in the wild card games. We will know in the next few months about how the Tom Brady vs. Trojan Condom match-up fares. God willing that the Trojan Condom(s) beat the spread. All of humanity is counting on it. So, dear readers, the best thing for you to do with this weekends picks is clearly do the opposite. Any other decision is simply----gambling.

This week's picks:

PACKERS (-7.5) over Seahawks
This game has the sub-plot of Mike "The Human Walrus" Holmgren going back to Lambeau Field against Vicodin poster boy, Brett Favre, in a playoff game. Why anyone cares about this beside the fans of both teams is beyond me. I don't care about Coach Walrus or Vicodin Poster Boy. Don't care. What I do care about is why no one is talking about the possibility that Brett's resurgence is very similar to Roger Clemens'. Brett was done at the end of last year. Then, boom!! Now he's back. Hmmmmm...The Packers are clearly a better team and I will never trust a bald quarterback.

Jaguars (+13) over PATRIOTS
I am making this pick not because I dislike the Evil Empire or hate Zoolander Brady. It truly is not that at all. I truly think that the Jaguars can keep the margin of victory by New England under 13 in the end. I think that the Patriots will win. I am firm on that. I hope they don't win since I think they are as vile as road kill burgers, but I think that Jacksonville's defense could somehow keep the scoring down. Of course, I am quite delusional. Too many late nights writing blogs.

Giants (+7.5) over COWBOYS
Tony has been hanging around with Jessica in Mexico. Both are hot. Tony is three Super Bowls away from being the next Tom Brady. No, maybe just one. The fact that he was in Mexico with Jess is of no consequence. The real issue is the fact that his tight end Jason Witten was with him probably fighting with his girl-friend for ogling Jess in a G-string. The other issue is the state of TO's ankle. Without him being close to 75% the Cowboys are in real trouble on the offensive side of the ball. That will mean at least ten less points for them. They will give up at least 24 to Peyton's little brother. This could be the recipe of a pseudo upset.

COLTS (-9) over Chargers
The Chargers will be without Gates in this game where they will absolutely desperately need him. He is Rivers security blanket and he will be lost without him. The Colts defense which is underrated to start with will be able to key on LT and Chambers. Rivers will look like Matt Damon at the end of The Departed by the end of this one. The Chargers have no chance in this game.

FOX4NX (-200,000) over Guinness Beer
This is an absolute no brainer as I will need plenty of Guinness preparing for the possible eventuality of the Evil Empire playing in another AFC Championship Game against the Colts.