TV Review: "In Treatment"

It has been awhile since I last posted. The reason was that I was under the weather and my doctor pulled me out of action. I am feeling 500% better now and ready to torture the brains of anyone who continues to read this silly blog.

I have watched way too much TV in the last few days, which probably made matters worse. I believe in all actuality that TV is for the most part very unhealthy as a hobby. It keeps you generally from thinking and feeling anything that is centered in the real world. TV tries very hard to imitate life and sadly there is a vice versa to all this. This brings me to In Treatment, the new HBO series that premiered this past week. This series is meant to open the door to a patient-psychotherapist relationship and the issues that are discussed in private offices behind closed doors. Hence life in it's most intimate details shown on TV. There are only four shows that I will watch on a regular basis that I think are thought provoking and interesting enough to waste my time on. I have tried In Treatment to see from my vantage point as a mental health professional whether or not it actually matches real life or is it really...just TV. I have been a therapist for many years and I hope for my sake that I can tell the real therapists from the ones that just play one on TV. So here I am writing my first TV review. I will admit that I am not a professional TV critic (this is obvious), but I am a mental health professional reviewing a show about an aspect of mental health treatment. Of course, this last sentence shows how self-absorbed I am and I am sure that I need someone to talk this over with myself.

In Treatment allows us to glimpse into the private practice of Paul Weston. Paul is a psychiatrist in a Southern California practice out of his own home. This brings up immediate;y two major problems. The first is that typical psychiatrists do not provide psychotherapy services. They provide scripts. They are medical doctors who look at symptoms and behaviors, categorize them into a diagnosis, and write a prescription for a medication to cope with or eliminate those symptoms. Matter of fact, "psychiatry schools" have in many places eliminated psychotherapy as a course. The mental health professionals out there who provide the talk therapy are generally social workers, professional counselors, and (to a lesser degree) psychologists. Secondly, no one should have a private practice running out of their own home with no sign of other providers or office staff. This leads to the potential for all sorts of ethical and legal problems. Problems like accusations of misconduct and dual relationships to name a few. When I worked in private practice it was in an office that was an office and there was always a staff person there. For everyones protection. I am guessing this lack of having anyone else around in this show will lead to big problems. This makes things more unrealistic as anyone who has the sense and brain power to go through med school should know better.

This brings us to Gabriel Byrne who has a lengthy acting resume of quality work. He plays our stupidly naive doctor (Paul Weston) who works out of his own home. Mr. Byrne gives us a performance that shows no range and appears more reminiscent of an actor that is trying our for his first part. He appears sadly amateurish and unprofessional as an actor in this role. This is unfortunate given the fact that this is an actor with a long history. He brings nothing of note to the character that makes the character believable beyond the actor playing him. As I watched the first four thirty minute episodes I knew I was watching Gabriel Byrne not Paul Weston. Mr. Byrne is not helped by the writing that makes him look like either a total idiot of a therapist or gives ill-timed one liners that sound like they come from the Dr. Phil show (not a compliment!!!).
On Mondays episode, he is working with Laura (Melissa George, who appears to be also acting as if in an acting try-out) who clearly has borderline personality traits with a taste of bipolar disorder. Laura admits that she is in love with her therapist, Paul. Now this actually does happen in real life in therapy. Unfortunately, this happened to me about three times in my career. It's never a good thing and tough to handle for all involved. Throughout the session, Paul gives no empathic responses that mean anything and gives off the impression that he is totally disinterested (bad body language, flat affect). This left me wondering whether or not it was Gabriel's acting, bad writing, or truly the nature of the character. I should not have to wonder about these things in a TV drama. Please do not get me started on how Paul responded to Laura's graphic description of her sexual fantasy of being with him. All I can say is that his response was creepy. Nevertheless, Paul responded in a manner I would have expected from first year graduate students not the seasoned therapist that the show makes him out to be.

On Tuesday, we got Paul working in an initial interview with Alex (Blair Underwood, practicing his monologue for another role with this role). Alex is a classic narcissist who is a Navy pilot who accidentally bombed a school in Iraq and who also dominates the entire session and continuously tests Paul's credibility. Problem is that this type of interaction would usually not happen to this level in the very first session (due to the need for the therapist to build rapport and information gather). Dr. Weston does a little better in this session but again gives shallow stilted answers and bland delivery of confrontational statements. As a therapist in this situation I would not be so confrontational early in the game and maybe not at all depending on the therapeutic strategy I employ. This brings me to another point. Does Dr. Weston have a strategy? Does he possess a theoretical frame work that will work with these patients? Ooops, I forgot that this was TV.
On Wednesday, we meet 16 year old gymnast Sophie who apparently purposely ran a bike in the middle of the road in front of a car. She comes in without her parents. This is another deviation from reality. Parents usually are needed to get vital clinical information and most importantly as parents they give consent to treat their child. I do support minors ability to seek their own treatment as needed and there are many situations where this would be valid even without the parents knowledge. However, this is not what is portrayed here.
In this session, Dr. Weston graduates to second year student in his mannerisms, body language, and interventions, and even begins to hint at a possible abusive situation that Sophie is involved in that many students may have missed. However, as this is an initial session there is little rapport building and quick confrontation. With teenagers this is a fatal move as rapport needs to be built and it takes a long period of time.

On Thursday, we get Mr. Byrne's best performance as Dr. Weston confronts and gives excellent analysis to John and Amy, a couple who appear to have both their collective feet in divorce court (believe me that this is also typical of my experience dealing with couples). There is more animation and range of character in this episode above all others. So there has been improvement in Mr. Bryrnes' acting and Dr. Weston's psychotherapy ability.

Overall, the acting is stilted at best with everyone looking like they are trying out for their first acting gig. The writing is unrealistic and dime-store psychology at it's worst. The plots are actually rather interesting. The premise of having a show about psychotherapy in thirty minute increments with the same character on the same day is a neat idea that I wish that I thought of first. In my version, the therapist would be more talented, have more range, and act more like Dr. House. That would make this edgy. Maybe this is coming, but we should not have to wait for it.

Grades:
Acting: C-
Writing: C
Plot: B

Total grade: C (GPA= 2.17 out of 4.00)

Random Saturday Night Ramblings

I do not want to say that I told you so, but I am taking a shot at it now. I wake up this morning and look at the headlines in the nation's papers and find that Sly Stallone admitted that he used HGH in order to prepare for his most recent Rambo movie that was released this past Friday. Stallone, 61, stated that doing HGH was "no big deal" and that the comparisons made between HGH and steroids is like comparing gerbils to hamsters. I TOLD YOU SO!!!! I told you that he was held together with HGH, rubber bands, and botox. I told you that he was looking more like the TomKat baby or Britany Spears everyday. I told you that he was on a one way ticket to Lyle Alzado's crib in the dirt. I am so happy!!! I am not particularly happy that Stallone used HGH, but in the end I simply don't care if he did or not. What I am happy about is that he stated the truth (even though it was clearly obvious that he did something). This stands in stark contrast to our Major League Baseball players who in the face of nearly overwhelming, but mostly circumstantial evidence almost unanimously have not come forward to give us the truth. They have not come forward and in most cases have issued denial after denial. The unholy triad of McGwire, Sosa, and Bonds have all given us close to nothing in the way of the truth despite the obvious. They are a minority in comparison to the even larger number of lesser known players who felt like they needed to use HGH or steroids in order to just compete on the field, period. There is a litany of players who felt like they were never going to make it to even to AAA ball let alone the Show who took whatever they felt would work to get them near the field. I am not sure that I would have not done the same thing under the same circumstances. However, I would not issue denials and other language gymnastics in the face of the evidence that exists. The truth will set you free. Once you offer the truth then the vultures stop chasing you looking for it. It happened with Andy Pettitte. The Mitchell Report rolled out. He was named in it. He came forward and told the world that he did use HGH to recover from injury (another big reason why it is used across the board by athletes) and that was it. No cameras watching his every move. No conversations on sports radio about what he should do or say next. It was done and over. The masses moved on from him to his best friend (maybe not anymore) Roger Clemens who issued denials and law suits, but not the truth. Do I believe the Rocket got some special Rocket Fuel? Of course I do!!! Why? Because Clemens' stamina, body, and pitching ability at his age completely defies logic. That's why. There is something to do about his workout regimen, but logically everyone his age begins a sharp breakdown and particularly after the pounding that professional athletes take year after year. So in the end, I applaud Sly Stallone who looks like he should be on a space ship with TomKat to whatever moon they are headed to next.


I also saw a story today in which a cat managed to come across some child porn in the kitchen of a house in Texas. The owners of the cat stated that the porn was not theirs and the police bought the story and arrested someone who looked like my gardener. Last year we heard the stories of felines in nursing homes cuddling up to patients who eventually would die within the following twelve hours. Now, my cat finds things like dead birds, lost toys, condoms, pieces of 100 day old chicken, and sometimes an elusive lost girlfriend. Why can't my cat fight crime and cause death? I apparently need a new cat. These other cats out there are apparently much more useful than my kitty that simply eats, sleeps, farts, drinks Stoli and goes to the bathroom all day long. Ever seen a cat drink Stoli? Well, it is not a pretty sight. Eventually, after a few licks from the shot glass she uses she begins to act just like Lindsey Lohan after a three day bender. My cat is not ready to quit drinking yet. I am not sure that there is an alcohol rehab for kitties anyways. If there is please let me know. I am a little tired of having to roll Kitty over so she does not choke on her own vomit.

Barack Obama won the South Carolina Democratic primary today. This was no surprise to me or anyone else for that matter. Unfortunately, I do not think that he will be able to win the nomination in the long run. I believe that the Lizard Lady Clinton will eventually win the nomination in the end. She has more money, more clout, more state troopers, and absolutely no qualms about cheating her way to victory. Victory is all the matters to Hillary. She obviously does not care about the people that she will be serving. She does not care about the shrinking middle class, the working poor, or the indigent. She cares only about winning. She will reshuffle the deck, count cards, and steal whatever number of chips she needs in order to win. Someone this dedicated to winning can not be trusted. Period. However, one wonders if anyone in the field can be trusted at all either. That is why in my run for President I will tell you the truth. I have cheated. I have had skeletons in the closet. I have inhaled. I have nothing to hide. And in the end, for me, winning is not the most important thing. Of course, that is for me to say when I have as much chance at winning a general election as I have winning next week's Super Bowl.

Maria Sharapova won the Australian Open this weekend. I have to say that I am very pleased that she and a number of other Russian top ranked tennis players are destroying the stereotype of the Russian woman. You know that stereotype. The twenty year old Russian woman who looks and dresses like your 82 year old grandmother. That type. Maria does not look like my grandmother. No wonder TV ratings for women's tennis are improving (and, sadly, I don't think it is because of the tennis).

A Letter To Peyton's Little Brother

Dear Eli,

I wanted to write you to just to give you a little pick-me-up. You may need it as you prepare to battle the Evil Empire next Sunday. I am happy that you were not photographed around New York City with and with out a removable cast entering and exiting a model's apartment. Though I have to say that your squeeze is pretty hot as well. Is she still your squeeze after you made her watch the game last weekend at Green Bay outside in -3 degree weather because you feared the "Tony Romo-Jessica Simpson jinx." If I were her I would have dumped you the moment the game started. Then sued you for sexual harassment or something. Don't you understand that you can not leave your significant other in cold like that in enemy territory? Ever. What else do you make her do? Drink battery acid? Watch your father's old game films? Make her watch outtakes from your brother's commercials in a continuous loop until she vomits? Sorry, this was supposed to be a motivational letter. I'll get back on track even though it is hard for me to do after taking two or three extra doses of Ritalin (with Coors Light chaser).
Even though you look like you are about ten years old and should be the manager for a junior high football team you have made a remarkable turn around in the last month. I have never seen such an incredible and improbable turn around in fortunes in such a short period of time. It's like a reverse Mike Tyson after he got knocked out by Buster Douglas. You went from an inconsistent quarterback who was being questioned about everything from your leadership skills to your hair cut to a consistent heady sophisticated quarterback that led his team to three straight road victories in the playoffs (and at least a touchdown underdog in the last two games). You have thrown no interceptions in the play-offs. You have thrown four touchdown passes and your passer rating is over 100 in the playoffs. Your opponent next week is the NFL's version of Zoolander in Tom Brady. Right now he is busy impregnating half of Kansas and perfecting his smile. His coach is drinking Thorazine and coming up with a game plan to completely kill you and your team so thoroughly that you will not exist anymore. He is planning to erase you from all of history. Your parents will not remember you and your brother will not have an Oreo licking opponent anymore if Coach Hoodie has his way. I am pleading with you to not let that happen. I do not care what you and your team do in the face of such sure force and power. You can cheat if you want. I'll give you a pass. Steal their signals. Have someone club Tom Brady's throwing arm with a baseball bat. Kidnap his girl-friend and tape her in bed with Junior Seau. I know that your coach almost died last weekend from frostbite. His head almost exploded or cracked open. He looked like a drunk on a four week bender. By the way, didn't Jimmy Johnson on Sunday look like William Shatner as the night wore on? Pretty soon I was expecting that he would start doing a priceline.com commercial or asked to be beamed up. Again, your coach looks like Uncle Pete after seven margaritas. Don't let that deter you. The goal is to beat the Patriots. The goal is to destroy the dream of the perfect season. The goal is to allow the '72 Dolphins to really enjoy their champagne. It's the goal to make Mercury Morris happy even though I am not sure anything else can make him happier as it seems he still does a lot of cocaine. The goal is to make history. Two brothers winning successive Super Bowls? A major upset? That is the goal. I know that you can do it. I know that you have the ability. I know you have the pedigree. Now, it takes a perfect game from you and your teammates. Your team is ten times better now on the field with you as their leader. Tiki is gone and Shockey is learning to braid his hair. So it is you now. You obviously lead in a quiet manner through example. OK, its time to put it all together one last time. It's you versus Zoolander. It's Uncle Pete against the Darth Hoodie. You don't want to be forgotten. Do you? Who were the losers in the last four Super Bowls. I don't remember who lost those games mainly because of all the margaritas I had last night, but that's beside the point. Just remember: you can win. You can make history. You can be immortal. Take it...or you'll be back home watching the Teletubbies.

Signed,
Fox4NX

Heath Ledger's Death Should NOT Be A Surprise

So I get to my ridiculous hotel room in Richmond, Virginia (a city I still adore) that has everything that I could ask for from a hotel room except for the call girls. However, there is a phone book and I know how to use it. I find out that Heath Ledger is dead at 28 years of age. Early stories indicate that he died of a drug overdose in Manhattan. We are all shocked when someone famous dies early. Why should anyone be surprised that a famous actor, actress, or musician dies of a drug overdose? I ask, why not? Celebrity status is not what it is cracked up to be. Little kids grow up wanting to be famous. If my child told me that they wanted to a famous something I would strongly encourage them to not go down that road. Then I would lock them in the basement for the next twenty years. Why? Here's why. When you become famous several things happen. The biggest of these things is a loss of privacy. You now live in a bubble that can be seen by anyone at anytime. It is like living in a real world Big Brother episode. You are chased by the media, stalkers, and the morbidly curious. All the time. Sure, you have all the money that you could imagine, but you pay out for the loss of privacy and the enormous neverending strain that goes with it. If you were watched all the time by everyone, every step, every decision, every fall and every rise, then how would you escape? Hoe does anyone escape? Well, skip that question. Many people find the escape hatch in booze, drugs, sex, and gambling. Just look at most famous people that you know and if you dig hard enough and for long enough you will find that they found an escape hatch. Then you will find that they used the escape hatch so much that they became addicted to it. Once addicted it's too late. Once addicted then the disease process kicks in. Then the cycle downward continues even further. There is a laundry list of celebrities that are dealing with (and died from) addictions and because they are celebrities then we hear about it continuously. They found an escape hatch and they became addicted to it and then cycle into oblivion. I do not know whether or not Heath Ledger was addicted to drugs or not. If it is a suicide, then he picked the ultimate escape hatch. A permanant one. One that there is no turning back from. If he was using drugs and booze excessively to the point of being substance dependent then the spiral of addiction reached a final desperate end. Either way is a deeply sad occurance. As I watch the news reports of people, deeply saddened, coming to Heath Ledger's apartment after the news of his death was reported, I am reminded of a couple of things. The first thing is that many people believe that they know the celebrity and feel deeply attached to them even though they have never met the person and likely never will. However, we see them on the screen, hear them on the radio, and we hear everything about them through the media to the point that we feel we know them and know everything about them. As a society we have become so disconnected to our families, our communities, and oursleves that people are so desperate to connect to something that they fall upon our overly exposed celebrities. The other thing that I am reminded of is that there are thousands upon thousands of people who die in this country due to chemical dependency and/or suicide. Each one is a horrible tragedy. Everyone that reads this post has been touched in some way by chemical dependency, suicide, or both. Dig deep enough through your friends and family and you will find someone who has dealt with chemical dependency or been hit hard by a loved ones suicide. It's there. Trust me. How come we don't hear about those tragedies. Aren't these people important? Don't they play more important roles in people's lives than celebrities? We don't hear about them? Deaths by suicide and/or chemical dependency complications out pace the homicide rate by at least a four to one margin. What do we hear about? Grisly murders and celebritity death and spiraling lives. Aren't these avoidable deaths a bigger tragedy? Maybe I should call for the call girls because I need an escape hatch from all this. Gimme the phone book!!

Trust No One

I have not written a political post in quite awhile. I have been found guilty of what falls everyone who deals in politics at one time or another which is to worry about offending someone. That's right, your fabled disenfranchised and sleep deprived blogger has been worried about offending the masses. However, my close friends have told me that I have to not be afraid of offending people provided that I have something intelligent to say on the subject. They point out my constant bashing of the New England Patriots and Tom Brady. They point out that in my conversation I am always bashing something related to politics. I do not want to be a hypocrite so I have flung myself into the fray of politics and letting the chips fall as they may.

Speaking of chips falling, in Nevada they held caucuses in casinos all over the state. This was to allow degenerate gamblers and buffet line hounds to be involved in the political process for the first time since the mob built all the casinos in the desert in the first place. Actually, I have been told by our biased news agencies that the real reason why caucuses were allowed in casinos was to allow shift workers working in the casinos to participate. Of course, I had to ask, which shifts? I also wonder why they did not hold caucuses in the strip clubs and "bunny ranches." Shouldn't those employees and patrons be allowed in the process? I wonder who they would vote for. Probably not Mike Huckabee. In all seriousness, holding caucuses in the casinos to allow the employees to be able to participate was a wonderful idea. I am always in favor of bringing the vote to the people as opposed to the other way around. The fact that Hilary Clinton so vehemently opposed the idea and fought in vain against it clearly let's me know exactly what her motives are. It also lets me know that I am not sure she can be trusted. Think about this. She was willing to eliminate a voting population who may not have been able to participate in the caucuses due to their social status in order to have a better chance at winning the caucus. Mrs. Clinton so deeply feared that Barack Obama would be the favorite amongst the thousands of hotel and casino workers that she wanted to eliminate them from being a part of the process altogether. This is not some one who is fits the supposed ideals of her political party. This shows that she cares more about winning than the people. So what else is she willing to do just to win? This is what we have heard about. Who knows what other legal action and plotting she has done in order to sway things in her favor.

Is Hilary the only one who would do anything to win? Absolutely not. It is also not exclusive to the democrats either. Mitt Romney, for example, is getting his John Kerry groove on by changing his positions on a number of key GOP issues in order to match the base of the party. He is telegenic and rich. In this American Idol America that may just work. However, when I see Mitt I see someone who has simply flip-flopped on major issues, is a talking head, and I have no clue what he really stands for. The former governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee has some rather interesting stances on AIDS and gay people. These stances have been buried away and not on public display, yet. What this means is that he is not telling the people what he really thinks. I care more about someone clearly stating what they stand for as opposed to what the content is. I probably won't agree with Mike's stances on issues, but I want a clear idea exactly what they are. I don't think anyone has really heard them yet. John McCain won South Carolina last night in a close margin with Huckabee. If he had lost South Carolina again, then his campaign would have been over. He has gotten new life and one wonders how much longer he will be able to last. The fact that McCain has been in Washington for two million years as a Congressman should automatically eliminate him as a trustworthy candidate. No one who has been in Congress longer than two years can be considered trustworthy purely by osmosis.

So is anyone trustworthy for the post of President of American Idol Nation? Does it really matter when you think of the line-up of previous desk riders? I mean, in the end, Bush II, Clinton, Bush I all had their interesting twist of the truth and plotting only to win as opposed to serving the people. So all of this comes to no surprise. So what to do now? Go to a casino and play the slots..we all have better chances at winning.

Championship Sunday!!!

It is the weekend of Championship Sunday. The Super Bowl participants will be decided in two cold weather cities: Green Bay, Wisconsin and Foxborough, Mass. The temperature at each game will likely be below 15 degrees making the weather a significant factor for the teams playing. I am hoping for a blizzard at both games with visibility down to .0003 miles. The games start at 3 and 6:30 p.m., which really is annoying. Why? Why aren't the games at 1 and at 4? The first game at 3:00 means that I have to spend the first 3/4 of the day doing things for my wife instead of watching "Championship Sunday." This means I will be going to the grocery store, washing the cat, doing her nails, and wrapping my car around the power pole outside our house. By the time the first game starts by brain will be too alert to relax and watch the games because I will not have had time to dull my senses with stale beer and three year old buffalo wings. The last game will end at 10 p.m. which means in my city that there will be no bars open for after game celebrating.


However, it's not like I have a dog in the fight. Actually, that was a bad choice of words considering. My team was headed into the season with a big time college genius of a coach with shaky ethics and lead by quarterback, Ron Mexico. Yes, the Ron Mexico. The Ron Mexico with the multiple law suits for giving women STDs. The Ron Mexico that was trying to pass tree through airport security. The Ron Mexico that has killed more coaches than Tony Soprano has whacked family members. The Ron Mexico whose passing statistics have gone down since his first couple of seasons in the league. Well, Ron Mexico did hundred times worse this year before the season started which spelled the end of the Falcons season and another coach. This time he was indicted and convicted of dog fighting. Now his career in football is over. When he is released from prison all he will be doing is wrestling with fellow degenerate Pac-Man Jones on WWE Smackdown and probably doing porn movies which will lead to a parole violation and back in prison. Mark my words. Ron Mexico will violate his parole. The Falcons coach for this year left for Arkansas before the season ended. His players hated him and he was clearly over matched in the NFL. Then he simply quit after telling the used car salesman of a owner that he was sticking it out the day before. Now my team is a joke again. They were a joke in the late 60's to early 70's. They were a joke for the mid to late 80's. Then a joke in the mid 90's. They had a period of some respectability and then Ron Mexico showed his true colors (or stripes) and did what he does best which is appeal to the debased criminal nature of his anti-social personality. Now, the Falcons are the worst organization in the NFL which is saying a lot when you compare them to the Raiders and the Dolphins. At least those teams have Super Bowl wins.


So with all this in mind I have no rooting interest in Championship Sunday. Actually, if you are believing this then you have not be reading this blog and you should start at the beginning of this blog in December. Yes, it is obvious that I am against the Evil Empire which is the New England Patriots. I am against Darth Hoodie. I am against the NFL's version of Zoolander, Tom Brady. I am openly cheering against them. I hope that they lose. More specifically, I am hoping they lose now. If they make it to the Super Bowl and have a chance to make history by going undefeated I may call a truce, but only for the sake of watching history. So I am desperate. I want the dream to end on Sunday. I am hoping that the distraction that is being caused by the whole Randy Moss scandal (regardless of guilt or innocence) will cause him t0 play like he played for the Raiders last year. Or if there is another Brady pregnancy scare. Or Hoodie taking dancing lessons and getting zapped by the UFO to Venus carrying the TomKat baby. Something. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I can't live through another Evil Empire Super Bowl trip. If this happens I may have to quit football all together. It will crush my spirit worse than Ron Mexico, driving 110 miles round trip each day, living with two demanding females as the only male, and the 1996 Atlanta Braves combined.


The current lines of the game are interesting and pose a significant challenge given the predicted weather for Green Bay and New England. However, like any good sports gambling degenerate I will make picks even though it is as stupid as teasing a tiger at the zoo after smoking tree.

Giants (+7) over PACKERS
I do not expect the Packers to lose this game. This is likely to be the Vicodin Poster Boy's last run at a Super Bowl. The Packers are playing over their head and managed to avoid having to go to Dallas this Sunday thanks to Jessica and Tony. Now they get the Giants who have a coach who looks like he should be selling peanut shells outside of the local 7-11 store in Brooklyn in order to buy a bottle of Wild Rose. They are lead by Peyton's little brother who has played above expectations by not losing the games he plays more so than actually winning them. The Giants defense has been the unit that has carried them for weeks now after shutting down Tampa and Dallas in successive weeks on the road. The defense will keep them close enough to keep it interesting, but not enough to avoid destiny.....

Chargers (+14) over PATRIOTS
I do not expect the Patriots to lose this game even though I am really hoping that they will. However, I believe that they will win which will create the most anticipated Super Bowl match-up ever when Brett Favre tries to snatch the undefeated season away from the Evil Empire. I just do not think that they will win this game by over 14. I will never trust Norv Turner as a head coach in any game, but I think they are playing the lead up to the game smartly by overplaying how injured LT and Rivers are. If you remember everyone was saying that Gates was not going to play...then he played. Same will be true with LT and Rivers (who is looking more and more like Ryan Leaf everyday). I am impressed by the fact that both Rovers and LT were out significant parts of the game with "injuries" and still won a thriller of a game. It will not matter who plays or doesn't play as the Patriots will still win, but the Chargers will keep it close. This will leave Zoolander enough time to impregnate half of New Jersey before the Super Bowl.

Relationship Rule #5: Watch What You Don't Say

Communication is seen as an essential piece in the cog of a functional relationship. However, it goes deeper than that. We all communicate with our partners and significant others. We do it all the time every day and every moment that we are with our loved one (or mistress or dominatrix, well, maybe not your dominatrix who won't let you look at her anyways). There are two main forms of communication. There is verbal communication which is what we say (or don't say). Then there is non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is our body language, eye contact, and facial expressions that tell the other person the messages that we may be unable or unwilling to say with our true voice. Most will say that our non-verbal communication is really our true voice (just ask our buddy Bill Belichick) because a lot of our non-verbal communication is sub-conscious (or slightly below our awareness in the moment). It is also very powerful in how it effects those around us. A defensive posture (arms crossed showing we are closed to the other person) suggests being stand offish and not open to listening. You don't want to do this when your partner is talking about renewing your vows, offering sex, or telling you that your son ran off with a weather cult as it will likely put (and piss) them off even if it is not your intent. If you choose (or not choose) to not make eye contact with your partner he/she may feel that you are either not listening or not telling the truth. If you maintain eye contact then it communicates that are you listening, paying attention, and more likely to tell the truth. One bit of an aside here, just because someone makes eye contact with you does not always mean they are telling the truth. This has more to do with where and how they are using their eyes. If your hands are on your lap and you leaning slightly forward towards your partner then that suggests openness and welcoming communication with the other person. Your facial expressions are quite telling as well. Grimacing or having a scowl on your face when your partner is trying to talk to you is a recipe for having an open invite to sleep in the garage. You can make a scowl or grimace only if your partner says something that suggests that is the appropriate response. An example is if your partner tells you that they wrapped your Ferrari around a power transformer. This should cause a grimace or other angry look on your face. A facial expression that is appropriate smiling and warm will communicate that you are open to listening and sharing information. Studies involving parents and their newborn babies illustrate the power of non-verbal communication. When the mothers or fathers would make eye contact, smile, and have open body posture with their baby then the baby would smile, giggle, and make eye contact. When the parents showed no eye contact, had no expression or a scowl on their face, and closed body postures then the baby would cry incessantly. The researchers offered that 94% of the impact positively or negatively in communication was the non-verbal communication. Thus, proving a point that how you say something is more important then what you said. The best person to help you become more aware of your non-verbal communication is your partner. Ask your significant other how they perceive and feel about your non-verbal communication. Try to be open to the answer as it may be a surprise to you, but it will also be helpful in improving your relationship. Awareness of something is always the first step to change.

Other random rants:

The writers strike needs to end soon. I don't know a lot of the details and who is mad at who and who won't sit with who in the cafeteria, but to me it does not matter. What matters is that TV viewers of our favorite shows are now being held hostage by a guy who drinks 29 shots of vodka in one sitting and has not slept since 1987. These are our TV writers who are holding us hostage as our favorite shows are now in re-run status out of production. We are now getting game show and reality TV overload which will eventually do more damage to the TV industry than the 1994 baseball strike did to baseball. I turned on network TV tonight and found two game shows and American Idol. I realize that these types of shows are quite popular. However, one of my philosophical points is that too much of anything is always bad. We will reach that point very soon. If we reach that point then I am pulling an Elvis and shooting my TV for good and then I will be drinking 29 shots of vodka and not sleeping, which is pretty much what I am doing now anyways.

Read the news today and found out that the coroner report on Ike Turner came out. Cause of death: Cocaine overdose. Now remember that Ike was 76 when he died. Of course, the fact that Ike died of a cocaine overdose is no surprise. If it was a surprise to you then you really should only be allowed to watch VH1.

Speaking of VH1, I was at a friend's house last night and saw parts of Celebrity Rehab. No, I am not kidding. No, I am not talking about Celebrity Fit Club. No we're talking about rehab. Drug and alcohol rehab. Now mostly everybody there was virtually unrecognizable from when they were really famous. The folks there also have mostly (with maybe one exception) been relegated to D-List status. Of course, one of the reasons they may have hit D-list status is because of the drugs and booze. However, watching one of the untalented Baldwin brothers (they all probably need some sort of help) discussing the possibility that he could have cocaine in his fat cells left me wondering: why am I watching this? This is like watching a twenty-five car pile-up over and over. Or watching re-runs of Ellen or watching midget porn. Disturbing, but riveting at the same time. Let me know when Gary Coleman or one of the members of the band Poison show up.

I want to thank everyone for contributing to my Presidential campaign for 2012. We are off to a great start and only $50,000,000 behind Hilary. We are well on our way. I guess I need a platform or something to run on. I'll go with the Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite plan: "A vote for me and all your wishes will come true" or something like that.

Running Diary: Saturday Night Football

Again, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and with my apologies to Bill Simmons I will write my running diary of a segment of TV viewing:

10:12 pm: The Patriots are winning 21-17 over Jacksonville late in the 3rd. It has been a watchable game so far. Each team has answered each other's scores. I picked Jacksonville based on the spread so this is going well so far too. Because of serious headaches (I think that I have a tumor caused by Tom Brady's stubble) I am not hitting the Irish Stout as I had planned.

10:15 pm: As much as I rag on Brady, but one has to be impressed that he is currently 22 of 23...make it 23 of 24 as they just scored another TD. Pats now up by 11. The line was 13. OK. I am safe as long as they don't score again. Maybe I should take some more Advil.

10:19 pm: It is gut check time for the Jags. Down by 11 late in the 3rd. They need to answer or it will be over before 10:30.

10:20 pm: Ad came on for David Letterman. Katie Holmes is a featured guest next week. So Tom lets her out of the house? You mean he lets her out of the alien pod she has to sleep in waiting for the next comet to roll by? Where is the baby? Oh I forgot, the baby is already on the spaceship to Venus.

10:23 pm: Huge jump and grab by the Jags Wilford. Huge first down for them. They also get the call for spearing late. Is it me or is the Foxborough crowd nervous? I know my cat is nervous. He's eating plastic wrappers from my wife's cigarette packages. I have to stop the cat now unless I want to go to the kitty emergency room again.

10:27 pm: Another huge first down by the Jags in the red zone. This time Jones-Drew catches a screen and bowls over a defensive back for the first down. I have to admire the fact that the Jags are refusing to give up in the face of Darth Hoodie. I wonder what his presser will be like after the game. Wait a minute!! He does not have any personality. I already know what it will be like. It will be like watching my six hour home movie of my trip to the Deep South I made in 1991. After five minutes you have a blinding headache watching it and you are praying that the giant gerbil comes out of the woods and eats the camera person. Did I only take Advil earlier?

10:33 pm: Jags now are down by 8 with about 9 1/2 minutes left in the game. They made the right decision by taking the points in the red zone instead of giving the game away by going for it on 4th down. The Advil has not kicked in yet as I still feel like a sledgehammer is hitting my head. I need a comet to take me away.
The cat did not finish all the plastic. You never ever want to go to any emergency room at this hour. Not a people ER or a pet ER. I went to a pet ER in North Carolina with my cat who fell down and would not get up. It wasn't pretty.

10:39 pm: Patriots go down the field and get a field goal and the lead is 11. It would have been 15 if it wasn't for a shoe string tackle several minutes earlier. The Jags are still alive in this game with under 7 minutes to go.

10:42 pm: Now is not the time for a trick play on a kickoff. Coach Del Rio needs to be fired and go invent some salsa or a sharper ax for the locker room. He needs the comet ride to stop here before taking the TomKat baby to Venus. This is the moron who had a tree in the locker room and ax to chop it with. Then the punter chopped half his leg off with the ax. Maybe I am exaggerating a little here. He did not chop half his leg off only a piece of his leg off. This reminds me of that story where the punter at a small Colorado college shanked the other punter he was competing with for a starting job. How many Coors were consumed before he came up with that plan? How many tapes of Nancy Kerrigan did he view prior to the act?

10:49 pm: Another cat in the house puked up her dinner, of course, on the carpet. Yaaaay Me!!! I am the only person still awake to clean it up.

10:52 pm: The Patriots Harrison picks off a pass on 4th and 6 with about 4 minutes left. I am now going to puke up my dinner.

10:56 pm: Stallworth for the Patriots just converted a third and long by diving for the first down. This pretty much puts a fork in the Jaguars. I wonder what jaguar tastes like? Chicken? Snake? Gator? Can you put hot sauce on it? Fried gator is pretty good actually. I had it in a restaurant just outside of Gainesville, Florida. Ironic isn't it?

10:59 pm: Ad for the next Rambo movie. Absolutely perfect. That guy must have had a combination of botox, HGH, steel rods, and crazy glue to look like a complete space alien. He must be on his way on another comet to Saturn. Someone should really get Sly to stop. He's going to end up like Lyle Alzado.

11:05 pm: The game is now over. I am going to have a heart attack to go with my tumor. I just saw two things I would never see in the same generation. I saw Coach Hoodie smile and actually hug his children and then I noticed that the Pats only won by 11 and I am right on another pick. I am going to have to give myself a triple bypass right now. I am doing it with only Advil as an anesthetic. I feel like I will be OK though since I have taken about 100 in the last two days. (I'm kidding just a little. No need to call the rescue squad yet. Wait till I start the surgery)

11:10 pm: Should I go find Coach Hoodie's presser? Any thoughts on this? I am really debating this in my head. On another note as I quickly roll to ESPNews, which college basketball team currently has a better record? Virginia Military Institute or Michigan? If you answered Michigan you would be wrong. VMI is 9-6 and Michigan is 5-8. Where is the Fav Five when you need them? I was clicking around earlier today and saw at the beginning of the 2nd half of the UNC-NC State that UNC was up 46-15. Just stupid.

11:18 pm: COACH HOODIE PRESSER!!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!! GET THE POPCORN KIDS!!! GET THE BATTERY CABLES OUT!!! ATTACH THEM TO MY __________!!!!!! GET THE PADDLES OUT!!!! I NEED CPR!!!!

11:21 pm: Next up: Zoolander Presser. Can't wait. His smile will be blinding. I need my shades. I need more Advil.

11:22 pm: Hoodie presser is now over. Anyone notice that no one asked him any real questions? What are they afraid of? Do they think if they ask the wrong question they'll get whacked by Darth Hoodie's minions? Wait. I already know the answer to this question. Never mind. Questions I would ask Coach Hoodie:
1. Did you make sure Tom got his child support payment in on time?
2. Did you take Nyquil before or after the game?
3. Who dressed you today?
4. Where is the body buried?
5. Is it true that you had a hit on Donovan McNabb and Tony Romo?
6. Who ordered the "Code Red"?

11:26 pm: ZOOLANDER PRESSER!!!! WAKE THE KIDS!!! GET MY SUNGLASSES OUT!!! HIDE THE WOMEN!!! HIDE THE SHEEP!!

11:28 pm: Doesn't anyone else notice that Tom tries to smile after every word he utters? What's with this? Nobody asks him any real questions either. Some questions I would ask are as follows:
1. Didn't your pre-school bust you for using performance enhancing drugs to learn your colors faster than everyone else?
2. Have you got your visitation set yet?
3. How much is your child support payment? $200,000 a week? $400,000?
4. If Gisele gets pregnant, will you dump her too?
5. Do you know how to put on a condom?
6. Isn't Randy Moss your "special wide receiver"?

The Best Football Weekend Of The Year???

Most people that I have listened to over the last couple of days have stated that this weekend's NFL match-ups are the ingredients of the "best football weekend of the year." Well, this all depends on what year you are talking about. If we are talking about the year 2008 then I think that these folks are right. The first "weekend" of the year started horribly over matched teams getting whacked in bowl games. USC torching Illinois. Georgia murdering Hawaii. West Virginia drilling Oklahoma. Three key BCS games that ended in disaster with two of the best teams in the country as it stands right now, USC and Georgia, left no doubt that they deserved to have a say in who wins the mythical Harry Potter-like BCS Championship. No real drama to be had. Last weekend featured either totally unwatchable games (Tennessee-San Diego and NY Giants-Tampa) or games that had the possibility of drama only to have it snatched away like Bill Belichick's sanity. Pittsburgh almost came back against Jacksonville in the only entertaining game, but their rookie head coach got out coached by a guy that left a big chuck of a tree and an ax in the middle of the locker room where the punter nearly chopped his own leg off. Washington had their charming run get dismantled by a quarterback who acted as if he was 12 instead of his age (36). The weekend ended with the BCS Championship game where the two luckiest teams in college football played a endlessly boring game where the ending was never in doubt by the second quarter. Gee...just like the year before. Gee...the same team coached by Mr. Sweater Vest got rolled again...Gee. The next time Ohio State lucks out with an easy Big Ten schedule and ends up with an invite to the BCS Championship Game they should turn it down and go to the Rose Bowl instead or the Hawaii Bowl. They should decline. Period. I would rather see an Amy Fisher sex tape or Tom Brady win another Super Bowl then watch Ohio State get rolled again in another bowl game.
They should be disqualified from the BCS permanently. By the way, the great Big Ten conference was 2-6 in bowl games this year and lost the two key BCS match-ups (Illinois and Ohio State). The SEC won their key BCS match-ups (Georgia and LSU). There is still no doubt that the SEC is better in football. Whoever questions this should be forced to sit with K-Fed during his next recording session.

So that brings us to this weekend. Do not let the lines fool you. Each of the home teams are favored by seven or more points. Some are justified in their favorite status. Some are not. There are many many sub-plots this weekend to keep things interesting enough to not get hammered into oblivion on rotten Egg Nog and Milwaukee's Best. Last week I was 0-4 in the wild card games. We will know in the next few months about how the Tom Brady vs. Trojan Condom match-up fares. God willing that the Trojan Condom(s) beat the spread. All of humanity is counting on it. So, dear readers, the best thing for you to do with this weekends picks is clearly do the opposite. Any other decision is simply----gambling.

This week's picks:

PACKERS (-7.5) over Seahawks
This game has the sub-plot of Mike "The Human Walrus" Holmgren going back to Lambeau Field against Vicodin poster boy, Brett Favre, in a playoff game. Why anyone cares about this beside the fans of both teams is beyond me. I don't care about Coach Walrus or Vicodin Poster Boy. Don't care. What I do care about is why no one is talking about the possibility that Brett's resurgence is very similar to Roger Clemens'. Brett was done at the end of last year. Then, boom!! Now he's back. Hmmmmm...The Packers are clearly a better team and I will never trust a bald quarterback.

Jaguars (+13) over PATRIOTS
I am making this pick not because I dislike the Evil Empire or hate Zoolander Brady. It truly is not that at all. I truly think that the Jaguars can keep the margin of victory by New England under 13 in the end. I think that the Patriots will win. I am firm on that. I hope they don't win since I think they are as vile as road kill burgers, but I think that Jacksonville's defense could somehow keep the scoring down. Of course, I am quite delusional. Too many late nights writing blogs.

Giants (+7.5) over COWBOYS
Tony has been hanging around with Jessica in Mexico. Both are hot. Tony is three Super Bowls away from being the next Tom Brady. No, maybe just one. The fact that he was in Mexico with Jess is of no consequence. The real issue is the fact that his tight end Jason Witten was with him probably fighting with his girl-friend for ogling Jess in a G-string. The other issue is the state of TO's ankle. Without him being close to 75% the Cowboys are in real trouble on the offensive side of the ball. That will mean at least ten less points for them. They will give up at least 24 to Peyton's little brother. This could be the recipe of a pseudo upset.

COLTS (-9) over Chargers
The Chargers will be without Gates in this game where they will absolutely desperately need him. He is Rivers security blanket and he will be lost without him. The Colts defense which is underrated to start with will be able to key on LT and Chambers. Rivers will look like Matt Damon at the end of The Departed by the end of this one. The Chargers have no chance in this game.

FOX4NX (-200,000) over Guinness Beer
This is an absolute no brainer as I will need plenty of Guinness preparing for the possible eventuality of the Evil Empire playing in another AFC Championship Game against the Colts.

Meeting In The ER

One of the saddest parts of my job in behavioral health is when I meet a young adult in an emergency department. A young adult who typically is in their late teens or early twenties. A young adult who has just made that faithful step towards independence. That step to be "on their own" for the first time. Maybe they have gotten their own pad or started college. Then I meet them in an emergency department for the first time. Sometimes an emergency department in a town away from home. Totally unfamiliar. Totally scary. Their emotions locking up or becoming more extreme with every passing hour. New voices. In their head. Whispering. Commenting. Biting. Commanding. Their thoughts derailing. Their knowledge of time, space, and location slipping on the ice that is freezing parts of their brain. Strange ideas such as the television communicating messages to them or that agents from a foreign country are watching them drift like plywood in a dangerous current. Regular activities to sustain well-being such as sleeping, eating, or drinking are forgotten as the shifting sands of their thoughts slide and spiral as if they are in a blender. Sometimes thoughts of killing themselves or striking out at the people around them, while the taunting voices pound away, and the fear stumbles in flood to the surface with the filters that stop the action are burned away like parched paper under the flames of disorganization. All new experiences for a young adult just trying to stand on their own two feel for the first time. All happening at once and now they are in an emergency department. An emergency department already flooded with patients and staff who don't want to deal with "those" kind of patients. Doctors knowing that this person is going to take up an emergency bay for hours upon hours. Then I am called in. Sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes right at lunch. I walk in and see this young adult with that look. The look of fear, desperation, and loss. I conduct my interview. I try to build rapport. I try to establish a mental life raft. Many times it is already too late. I observe. I collect. I pray. I pray that all of these symptoms add up to something else. Anything else. Anything that can be fixed quickly. Like if the drugs clear the system or that they have a serious infection or maybe a drug interaction. My hopes drop as I am told that there is no other cause and that the drug screen results are negative. No drugs, no infection, and all signs pointing to a psychiatric diagnosis. A diagnosis that will follow them for life and dictate how they see the world and how it sees them. All within the mind and body of maybe a 18 year old, a 20 year old, or a 22 year old. The deeper sadness creeps in as a meet the parents. Full of fear. I am a stranger. I am an informant. I am the bearer of bad news as I explain that their child, now a young adult, is suffering symptoms of their first psychotic episode. That they are losing touch with reality. They are losing touch with who they were, are, and who they planned to be. I listen carefully to the questions. I answer them with care. I advise to a course of action. Typically it is to send their young adult to a psychiatric unit for their own safety and treatment. I feel like a judge handing out a life sentence and the hopes drift away from their parent's eyes. It is a deeply personal moment. I am filled with deep sorrow. A sorrow that I have felt too many times as I have made too many trips to an emergency department to meet a young adult.

Relationship Rule #145: Don't Make A Sex Tape

There are many rules in relationships. Some involve toothpaste, toilet paper, communication, and trust. I have come tonight to state another one: Don't ever ever ever make a sex tape. The are many solid reasons to not make a sex tape. First, no one really wants to see it beside those who made it (and even that part is questionable). Case in point, this week Amy Fisher, famous only for shooting her lover's wife in the face as a teenager, reached an agreement with a production company so that her sex tape that she made with her husband can be promoted and released. This is the last thing that anyone really needs or wants who does not have some sort of pathological fetish or some other sexual disorder. I would rather watch endless episodes of "Knight Rider" or "The Fact of Life" then watching an Amy Fisher (or anyone else's) sex tape. Another reason for not having a sex tape is you can lose control over it when things goes bad. Amy Fisher stated that her husband sold the tape to the production company when they were in a "rocky" part of their relationship. In other words, "my husband got mad at me for burning the pancakes in the fireplace, slamming the Honda into a pole, and shaving the words "kick me" on the dog so he's going to take our sex tape to be sold by a production company run by Tony Soprano." She and her husband (the stars of their absurd love fest) reported that they have now reconciled. Obviously, these two must be made for each other. Point is: when things go bad your "romantic" love fest caught on tape can end up in someone's hands (literally). When this happens, anything happens. Next thing you know the sex tape ends up on YouPorn (yes, this site actually does exist) or sold to someone in the porn industry. At that point, it can't be erased (especially after it has been downloaded about 3 million times in Thailand alone). My last point on this subject is if your relationship needs to have a sex tape to "spice things up" then your relationship is already in trouble (which could lead to the first two reasons). If you have to cheapen and demean your relationship by making porn to add a little flavor then your relationship is crippled. One of my cardinal rules in a relationship is do not let things get boring. There are a number of ways to keep things interesting that do not involve manufacturing porn. Go on a vacation. Go out on the town. Go out on a date (with each other). Have a food fight. Look for UFO's. Exercise together. Start a hobby together (that does not involve manufacturing porn). If you have to go that level then your relationship has gotten so empty, stale, and pointless that it needs to end. There are many ways to spice things up in the bedroom besides making something that could end up downloaded by 5.5 million people in Russia alone.

Other Notes On The Weekend:

I was a full 0-4 picking this weekend's Wild Card match-ups. This is why I am posting inane irreverent blogs and not on TV picking games. Luckily, I had no money on any of these games or I would be selling plasma tomorrow. I have to hand it to the Jaguars for managing to weather the comeback by the Steelers in the fourth quarter. As the Steelers were coming back, you could see them lose composure. They were screaming at the refs, getting into smack-offs with the Steelers players, and making multiple mental errors. However, on 4th and 2, Gerrard managed to gallop his way into field goal territory for the winning kick at the most critical point in the game. I had erroneously predicted that he would not hold up under the pressure. I will say (and this is unique for me) that I was dead wrong. He may have been the only player on Jacksonville's team to hold it together at the moment. Luckily, he had the ball in his hands. What I also failed to realize is that Coach Tomlin for the Steelers would be chasing two point conversions that he did not need when it matters most. A playoff rookie coach mistake. These mistakes cost him and his team the game.
Did anyone notice that huge smiles on the faces of Eli Manning and Norv Turner at the end of their games? Looked like they had pulled off robbing a casino. They definitely got the monkeys off their backs this weekend.

Some Random Ranting

I come home from a short week at work and the TV is on in the kitchen and what do I see? I see video of Britney Spears being loaded into an ambulance and whisked away to a hospital in L.A. where reportedly she was involuntarily hospitalized due to behavioral health and substance abuse problems. Though it would be easy to take shots at Britney I have decided to stand down. To take shots at her would be making fun of someone who has been turning into a rather tragic public figure. A young woman who truly has significant behavioral health and substance abuse issues that have impaired her functioning to the point that for her (and maybe others) safety she had to be hospitalized. Entertainment Tonight described it as a "72 hour lockdown." This depiction of the involuntary hospitalization process is extremely damaging to the public perception of mentally ill or substance abusing individuals. It says that mentally ill people need to be "locked down" when their illness gets out of hand. I have absolutely no respect for entertainment tabloid shows, magazines, and Internet sites that promote the stigma of mental illness as they have in their description of the Britney saga. This saga is bitterly sad to watch and has victimized everyone involved-including Britney's children.



I read today that some rather enterprising women in Arizona are having taser parties. That is a novel idea. Never thought of it, but I wish I had. Invite your favorite people over and take a look at the wonderful taser products. You can even test the products on your "special" friends. You know, the person that stole your boyfriend, the person who got that big promotion at work, your in-laws, your neighbor's angry dog, small rodents, and clowns. They even have (I am not joking about this) pink tasers as well as many other flashy colors. This leads to this potential exchange:

Robber: Give me your money!!!
Taser Handler: Get away!!
Robber: I said give me your money!!
Taser Handler: Get away or I will use this!! (Pulls out pretty pink taser) I mean it!!!
Robber: Wow, that is a pretty taAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (3000 volts smashing into the robbers chest)

Classic. Sign me up.



Last night, the great people in the state of Iowa helped the country take the first step in deciding the successor to President Asterisk. Despite having no reported money (around $500,000 on hand compared to Hilary Clinton's over $40,000,000), Mike Huckabee won the Republican Iowa Caucus in convincing fashion. Huckabee is a pastor and former Governor of Arkansas, which given what we know about Arkansas governors makes him a conflicted and interesting candidate. Barack Obama handily won on the Democratic side. Obama, otherwise known as the Oprah Book Club Candidate (OBCC, for short), is the current senator from Illinois and has not functioned as a senator since he was elected as he has been distracted by running for President since 2000. Obama won in a state that is in middle America and is 95% white. In the grand scheme of things this is a dramatic development. Will it carry him to the convention and a nomination? Hard to say, since he may have to deal with a potential "Tryst with Oprah" scandal soon. I have not decided my endorsement for President yet. Whoever it is does not want my endorsement. I have only endorsed the eventual Presidential winner once since 1980. That was Clinton in 1996. I have a better record picking pro football this year where I was sixteen games over .500 picking every game against the spread. I also want to take the time now to fulfill a promise I made on stage in 1992. That is, to announce that I am running for President in 2012. I announced this campaign in 1992 at a bar in Richmond, Virginia. Now I making good on it. I will be accepting donations. I have plenty of scandals in the closet which I plan to own up to (except the ones that will land me in prison in Arkansas). FOX4NX FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!
My picks for the wild-card weekend:

Redskins (+3.5) over SEAHAWKS
As long as Jason Campbell does not step on the field, the Redskins roll will continue as their defense will shut down the passing game of Seattle. Don't count out the affects of emotions and great defense in the play-offs.

STEELERS (+2.5) over Jacksonville
Jacksonville proved only that they could win in Pittsburgh in the snow in the regular season. The playoffs are a different animal. Pittsburgh feels disrespected by being underdogs at home in this one and will roll over a team being quarterbacked by someone who has never played a playoff game. Not pretty.

TAMPA BAY (-2.5) over Giants
Eli Manning played his best game as a pro against the Evil Empire lead by Zoolander and Coach Hoodie. He will not repeat the same performance in Tampa. This game matters more and Eli will choke like his dad in big games. Hopefully, this will mean that Coughlin gets fired, which will be the best thing to happen to Eli since his mother and father decided to have another kid after Peyton.

Titans (+9.5) over CHARGERS
Norv Turner is not a NFL Head Coach. He is a great coordinator. Not a head coach. He will prove this point this weekend. The Titans find ways to win. It's not pretty, but they find a way. That is all that matters in the play-offs. Bad coaching will kill you and it will kill LT this weekend.

Trojan Condom (-99) over TOM BRADY
Tom Zoolander Brady is off this weekend so you know what that means!!! Let's pray that the condom works this time around.

President Asterisk Has A Man Crush On Putin!!!

Time magazine named Vladimir Putin their Person of the Year in 2007. I had not known this until I was walking through my local bookstore and saw a face that could only remind me of a bad vampire movie. The face of the current and future Russia: Vladimir Putin.

For most people, I imagine that Putin being named as a Person of the Year in the U.S. was a curious choice and I was albeit surprised myself. Not at Time's choice, but by the fact that they were able to get a picture of the man in perfect cold icy death stare mode. Completely stereotypical Russian. Perfect man crush material for President Bush.

I believe that it should be noted that there are significant comparisons between Putin and our current President Asterisk. It should also be noted that Putin has managed to do things that our President would simply love to do, but probably could not get away with it. Both Putin and * hate any known opposition to their rule. They refuse to listen to any dissenting voices within their own government and populace. Putin has taken it one step further by shutting down TV stations and newspapers that have had the audacity to challenge his leadership. This is an arena that I am sure that Bush would love to be able to do, but would never get away with it. Putin has gotten away with it by systematically destroying any political party or individual that openly or secretly has cried a dissenting voice. He has done this by arresting, harassing, and threatening anyone who could possibly challenge him. Gary Kasparov, the former chess champion has been arrested numerous times for speaking out. Putin has been accused of even having real or imagined opposition leaders killed. Anna Politkovskaya, the opposition writer was murdered in her own apartment building and there has been no suspects or an investigation of any merit by authorities. Bush, on the other hand, manipulates the media by giving them propaganda to read to the Paris Hilton crazed masses. He and his cronies attempt at every turn to conduct smear campaigns to discredit their opposition as "non-American" or "anti-our military" when a different course is suggested on Iraq or the War on (the Wrong) Terror. Putin is more obvious, but Bush does the same things in a more subtle fashion and less noticed by most of the populace. President * and Putin have both launched a vicious and randomized war on terrorists-and failed miserably. At great loss of time, money, and most importantly, lives, Bush has waged a war on Iraq and Afghanistan that has not greatly reduced the threat of terrorism to America but, in many ways increased it worldwide. He has increased it world-wide by ignoring and angering the international community by initiating the war with Iraq for his own personal reasons (avenging Daddy Asterisk). Now, America is scorned throughout the world for showboating it's superpower status and simply being ignorant and arrogant. As a result, the world is not safe for Americans anywhere. Putin, on the other hand, has launched a vicious war on his own turf against the Chechens who only want their own independent state. Putin has labeled them terrorists (to garner popular opinion) and has launched his own brand of terror against them. He has used the same tactics against them as they have used against the Russian people. Random attacks, death squads, and bombings have been the norm for the Russian military and security services. It has been even rumored that Putin ordered his own security services to blow up Russian apartment complexes in order to blame the Chechens for terrorizing the motherland, enhancing the fear of the Russian people, and increasing support for his Stalinist measures. There have been similar conspiracy theories about Bush's role in terror activities on U.S. soil so one wonders what he is capable of (particularly if he thought he could get away with it). The result for Putin? Hundreds of people killed in a theater in Moscow, hundreds of people killed at a school in Ossetia, and at least one airliner shot out of the sky killing hundreds.

Putin made the following statement at his annual New Year's speech two days ago:

"We not only restored our territorial integrity but also we felt united. These years we worked together in order to preserve our country and turn it into a modern, free and strong state, which may be convenient and comfortable for citizens' life...We see that Russia has been strengthening every year. We see that our economy is growing and new opportunities are opening for the people...Let us wish each other new success and raise our glasses to the health and happiness of our relatives and to those we love and take care of most of all, and to whom we give our warmth and to whom we will be close...Let your longest dreams to come true."

Doesn't this sound familiar to the numerous President Asterisk speeches where he has told the American people that we are safer, the economy is better, and the war has been won?

Another similarity that people are looking forward to is that this year Russia and the U.S. will elect a new President. In two months, Russians will take to the polls in a general election that has only been held four times in Russian history. The problem is: there is only one viable Russian candidate (We may not have any when all is said and done here in the U.S. if Iowa is any indication). Deputy Prime Minister Dmitri Medvedev has been hand selected by President (Head Vampire) Putin to head his party into the next election. The other candidates have been harassed and arrested into oblivion. This is a move that Bush dreams of. In another move that I imagine our own President * would love, Putin has named himself the future Russian prime minister in order to stay involved in Russian politics. An important thing for Americans to understand about Russia is that in over a thousand years Russia has never had a leader or leadership that was not significantly authoritarian in nature. For centuries, Russia has had heavy handed czars, Party leaders, and Presidents. One could site Yeltsin and Gorby as exceptions, but both landed in exile in their own country-on house arrest. The Russian people are comfortable with leaders who are heavy handed and aggressive in their leadership. They actually feel safer and have more pride in their country. The opposite is true for America.

To Putin's credit, he has done a few things that Bush ("*") has not in his years as President of Russia. The economy in Russia has grown by at least seven percent every year in the last four years. Russia has paid off all of their debt. Russian workers salaries are on the average double than what they were in 2003. Even without opposition, Putin would likely have huge support in his own country for these reasons. These reasons coupled with Russia once again harassing their weaker neighbors, enhancing their military, and sending nuclear fuel to everyone's favorite party country Iran make Putin a major force to be reckoned with. More so then his admirer Bush? Yes. To the world, Bush is a joke. To the world, Putin is the head vampire of a rising power. This is where each man goes their separate way despite the "man crush" each has for the other.

Happy New Year

I will keep this post brief. My first of 2008. I wish everyone a Happy New Year. It is time now to start anew and hopefully refreshed. Of course, most people including me are not going to feel very refreshed in a few hours, but that is another issue. Again, everyone have a happy new year.

People have asked me what my new year resolution is. At first, I did not have one or at least one that I can share with the world. However, after careful deep consideration and several beers I have decided that my resolution will be to actually speak my mind more than in the past. Believe it or not, I do not speak my mind enough in crucial situations. This year will be different. I will be holding less back. Which means more fun posts for all!!!

Just a random thought of note: For the last few nights I have been listening to the police scanner out of Atlanta, Georgia which is available online at www.scanfulton.com and it has been an absolute blast. Though I do have my own take on what I have heard which will be available on new posts in the future. Very interesting what happens in the "big" city.

And another note: Quick review of the new "National Treasure" movie. Pleasantly surprised. I would cut at least thirty minutes off the file though, but I was pleasantly surprised with the film overall. I do also believe that Nic Cage is overrated as an actor, but not as badly as Kevin Costner. And does anyone believe that Sly has another "Rambo" movie coming out soon? I've seen some pictures from it and it appears that Sly has also been hitting the HGH hard and is looking more like an alien everyday with the combo of botox, HGH, plastic surgery, steel rods, new batteries, and a razor. However, he is not in the same alien league as Wacko Jacko and O.J. (or Tom Brady...ok, I'll take the Brady blast back)