Your NFL Picks

I am on-call again.  I got called at 4:30 this morning by an ER doc who wanted to make a referral for Monday.  I love this job!  On one hand I was glad that I could go back to sleep.  On the other hand, there was no point in waking me up at that hour to start with.  That's the problem with night shift folks.  They believe since they are up that everyone else should get up too and join the fun.  I had a family member who would only work the night shift in the hospital.  He stated that on night shift the administration is not there to mess with you and you can definitely get away with stuff on shift that would get you fired during the day.  Like getting oral sex in a closet, smoking crack or gambling at craps.  OK, you have a good point there.  

I sent a letter to Bill Simmons concerning my idea to turn MLB into the English Premier League which has not been answered.  I suspect that it will not get answered as he probably got 100,000 letters just like mine saying the exact same thing.  I guess I'll have to take the case to court or something. I use my cat, Mick, as my attorney. He would be damn good. He knows exactly how to prepare briefs and motions. The only problem is that I don't think he passed the bar. I guess I might have to defend myself. I can't pay his fees anyways. But, I do have Dippy who definitely knows how to handle himself in a court room. He just will need to make sure that he does not wear his blood and semen stained pirate bear outfit.

Now for my pro picks.  According the wonderful folks at wagerline.com I am six games under .500 in my NFL picks for the year so far.  I am 49% against the spread and over/under picks combined.  That puts me over 9000 units in the hole and in the 6th percentile of everyone else.  So in two weeks I have earned back over 1000 units.  If Mick was making the picks I am sure that he would be on top of the leaderboard up about 15,000 units.  He is absolutely gifted at making picks.  Last night he picked the Nuggets to beat the Celtics and the Lakers to lose to Detroit.  He was right on both counts.  The likelihood that this was going to occur was around 32-1.  I've gotta go with his picks more often or take him to Vegas to count cards.

Denver at Atlanta (-6.5)

OK, Atlanta is a good team.  They have a good formula for victory.  They are now getting some national attention.  They have done much better than anyone expected.  Matt Ryan could be the second coming of...of...of...who knows.  Denver has been underachieving.  They have a good quarterback who has been cooling off.  I do not know who is running the ball for them and they have a terrible pass defense.   When I first saw this game on the schedule I penciled in a twenty plus point loss.  Not today.  Take Atlanta and the points.

Mick:  Atlanta

Oakland at Miami (-10)

This game is much more interesting than it seems.  Miami is actually a decent team.  Ricky Williams is doing well.  They run gimmick plays.  Chad Pennington is their quarterback, but they have pretty much stayed in every game win or lose.  They are favored by a good margin.  However, they're playing the Raiders.  The Raiders continue to prove that they are the biggest train wreck in all of football.  They are a bigger wreck than the Lions and Rams.  Only the dumpster grease fire that are the Bengals are worse.  But, still...it's real bad.  I heard that the Crypt Keeper tried to call Kenny Stabler in rehab in Alabama to run the run and shoot offense this week.  It's really that bad.  Trust me.  Take the Dolphins.

Mick:  Miami

St. Louis at San Francisco (-6.5)

In order to help the finances of San Francisco 49er fans that may go to this game, the team should give each of the fans their money back when they come to the gates.  Give them free beer, wine, cheese, seal meat, snail, or whatever it is they eat at that dreadful football stadium that is not a football stadium.  Mike Singletary has toned down a little bit after they blew the game against the Cardinals that gave them a false sense of competency.  I have not heard if he has exposed any more body parts to his players in the locker room.  He has not been arrested in Golden Gate Park for lewd activities.  This may be his only real chance to get his first win.  His team better give it to him or else.  The Rams are truly bad.  And so are the 49ers.  Take the 49ers for Mike Singletary's sake.

Mick:  St. Louis

Dallas at Washington (+1)

Dallas is completely demoralized.  They are coached by a guy whose father is named "Bum".  This explains his coaching skills.  TO was on Letterman, which is a bad sign.  As an aside, does anyone believe that he actually put out a children's book?  That makes about as much as sense as me giving out advice on relationships. Tony Romo's pinkie is back, which could be a good sign.  The owner is guaranteeing that the Cowboys will go to the play-offs.  The problem on the other side is that it looks like Shaun Alexander may get some touches at running back for the Redskins, which is a horrible sign for them.  The Redskins best cross dressing player, CP, will not be in the game.  Take Dallas in a must-win game for their fragile psyche.

Mick:  Washington

Minnesota at Tampa Bay (-4)

Not sure what to say about this game.  It's an important game for both teams.  Minnesota is coached by a guy who looks like the janitor at any local middle school (see above pic).  He coaches just as well as one, too.  Tampa is at the top of their division and are clearly a solid team with no flash or major drama.  Not many arrests on that team.  A good sign.  As much as I want the Bucs to stumble I don't think that coach Middle School Janitor can make that happen with a quarterback who is best known for giving himself a concussion by slamming his head into the end zone padding--on purpose.  The Bucs should win fairly easily.  

Mick:  Tampa