Only Tom Brady

Only Tom Brady could lure me out of my hiatus. However, I sent a warning several months ago. I stated to Tom and the world that as long as he stayed down that I would not go after him this season. All Tom had to do was stay down. Stay out of the spotlight. Stay out of camera shot. Nurse your knees and have your supermodel girl-friend nurse everything else. Just stay away from the public eye. Let the Patriots be mad at you for using your family vet to operate on your knee. Let your girlfriend run out and get the wrong condoms. Have Caoch Hoodie hand over the reigns of the Evil Empire to another quarterback. Just don't come out into the light. Be a vampire like Bill from TrueBlood and stay out of the daylight.

So as I am sitting in Lexington, Virginia on Thanksgiving I pop open SportsCenter I see Tom wearing a stupid green hat feeding people at a shelter somewhere. He had his usual shit eating grin with reporters up in his grill asking him how his knee is or how his knees could take the pounding in the S&M chamber that his girl-friend makes him visit each day. His dominatrix girlfriend was also there just kicking herself for having to spend any time with anyone who might be a consumer of a Goodwill training center in Roxbury, MA. Since the media piranhas decided to descend on the happy couple serving pumpkin pie, Tom felt compelled to smile, giggle, dodge questions, and act like the NFL's version of Zoolander. Trust me it gave me the holiday spirit. I mean it was as touching as watching one of the movies on the Lifetime Movie Channel. You know about those movies. Made for $50,000 featuring a woman who has amnesia, a false identity, and a former lover that tried to run her over with a Jeep Cherokee who eventually goes insane and kills about ten people just like the BTK killer. So touching that I want to eat more turkey and five day old doughnuts.

So now, Tom, I am letting you know since you failed to completely meet your end of our deal by going out into the light (I don't care if it was charity work...you could have done it outside of the cameras and the public eye) when you should have stood down that the deal is off. I am going after you, the Evil Empire, and the Hoodie. It's over. You break a deal with me you break a deal with the devil. And the devil always gets pay back. Thank you for helping me to get out of my personal life for enough time to come right after you.