Random Thoughts

I just have some random thoughts about what is happening that has come to my attention. Everything else is just a blur of wine and laxatives.

** The #1 team in college football, Georgia, won against Georgia Southern 45-21. What? There should be a rule. When you are the #1 team in the country playing a Division I-AA school (sorry, that is what I will continue to call it) you should win by at least 42. Did anyone else notice but me that there was no official Las Vegas line for this game? I guess they can't post lines for Division I-AA schools. The line for the Hawaii-Florida game I think was forty two. The Gators won by 46. I should have put money on that one. I was so tempted. The bad news in Athens is that senior starting defensive tackle Jeff Owens is out for the season with a knee injury. This is truly bad news. This is worse than the mass suspensions for meaningless games by the crew of players that got arrested in the off-season...all 80 of them. Owens provides "veteran" leadership on the defensive line and is a solid lineman versus both the run and pass. It will be extremely hard to replace his presence on the line this year.

** Matt Ryan is the starting quarterback in Atlanta for a Falcons team that will not be favored to win a game all year. They get Detroit first up. Not a horrible way to start your career. It's better than playing the Patriots your first game ever. The Lions are favored on the road in this one by three. Definitely take the Lions in this game. You have no other reasonable choice. The Falcons did not have any other reasonable choice in picking Ryan as the opening day starter. What is the point in sending Redman out there? He is not good enough to be the starter for Georgia Southern. Why not send him out there to sink or swim from the very start? He'll get sacked this year 100 times and eventually get PTSD like David Carr and become so shell shocked that he'll never be effective. But who cares? Who cares when you have a guy with a porn mustache running your team. Joey Harrington just iced his "bust" status by being cut from the Falcons. When you are a quarterback and you are cut by the Falcons, your NFL career is over. It's time to play in Arena 2.

** The Braves have gotten so low that the only pitcher they could go out and get was Elmer Dessens. Who is Elmer Dessens? Well, he is a lower than journeyman pitcher who was 10-2 with an ERA of 4.02 this season...in the Mexican Triple AAA league. There was no one else available? Fernando Valenzuela wasn't waiting by the phone? Dessens in his first appearance of the season got lit up for five runs on five hits in a 1/3rd of an inning blowing a save and getting the loss to the worst team in the majors. ERA is now 31.65. Even Barry Zito thinks that ERA is bad. The Braves are now 19 games under .500 and are closer to last place than first. Right now, the Nationals are playing better than the Braves. Now that is saying something. How about bringing up everyone from Richmond (er...Gwinnett) to pitch? That has got to be better than bringing in a retread from Mexico. Not that anyone should have any bad feelings about Mexico or anything...it's only the most corrupt country on Earth.

** Hurricane Gustav is on it's way to Louisiana. The New Orleans city officials, state officials, and the US government are trying so hard to do a better job this time around that it appears contrived. They are making such a public spectacle of showing how "prepared" they are that it is sickening. It is disturbing that as 1.9 million people are evacuating the area, numb to what is happening again three years after Katrina that all the public officials are making as many photo ops as possible so they can be seen as "prepared", "visible", and "ready." Just do your job right. Don't look for photo ops. Just do the job right this time. The worst offender, of course, is President Asterisk who went to FEMA headquarters and shook hands with people in the command center, posed for photos, and gave a news conference. Who came up with that idea? Let's go down to FEMA command and make sure a bunch of cameras are there and distract these people from being able to prepare for a major disaster. Great.

My Message To Kidnapper 47: I'm Sticking With Atlanta

Dear Kidnapper 47,

The FBI handlers have told me that the more time that goes by without word about the kidnapped victim (Dippy the Pirate Bear) the less likely that the victim is still alive. They also advised that since there was no true proof of life there is no way to tell for sure whether or not the emo kid in a pirate bear costume is still amongst the living. They suggested that I make an appeal, in public, to the kidnapper and appeal to the fact that the victim is not some sort of play thing (though some swingers in Va. Beach would say otherwise), but a living being with emotions and even a family. Personally, I have not seen Dippy's family in the year after the big insurance scam bust at their house. However, Dippy is a living being and one should consider that before doing something crazy.

Your demand to choose Washington, DC sports though tempting in many ways over Atlanta is simply stupid in the end. Why would I give in to your demands when there is still no guarantee that Dippy is even still alive? The FBI tells me that Dippy could already be dead. So what is the point in giving in now? There is no proof of life. There has been no communication from you in weeks. Nothing. There is no real incentive to do what you say.

Listen, it would be easy to reject Atlanta sports. Real easy and very tempting. The Falcons will be underdogs in every game this year. The Braves are incredibly depressing with little hope in sight. The Hawks have done nothing to improve their team and in all likelihood they have damaged it more than anything else. On an on I could go. However, the biggest rule in sports fandom is that when you are young and you pick a team that's it that is your team forever. No turning back. You can cheat all you want, but you can never divorce your first sports love. Ever.

So what comes down to is that I have principals that I will not completely compromise. I was tempted to give in to your demands, but with the fact that even if I did give in there is no guarantee that Dippy comes back with all his fur together, I am not going to give in. I will not give in. It is Atlanta or else. There will be no negotiation. Do what you need to do with Dippy, but I am not budging. You can try to pressure me, but it will not work. I will not give in to your demands. So if that means that Dippy comes back in 56 freezer bags then so be it.

Yours,
Fox

Pulling a Favre

Awhile back I officially retired from fantasy sports. More specifically, I retired from fantasy football within months of the rush to get mock fantasy drafts in order, to start leagues, and to send smack to all your fellow league owners that your team--aptly named the Vultures or the Village People--would kill their team who was also aptly named. I stated that I wanted a life outside of fantasy sports to do things like (a) have a job (b) take care of my family (c) have regular sex (d) cheat on my taxes and (e) all of the above.

So I retired. Then I stated that I would not pull a Favre. Yes, Favre is now a verb. When one retires and then un-retires within four months or less it is called "a Favre" or Favring. So I exclaimed that I would not be coming back. That I would not pull a Favre. I deeply devoted myself to retirement and was planning the rest of my life. I vowed that when August came that the juices would not be flowing and if they were they were as a result of desiring more pleasurable things such as sex, booze, and movies starring Anne Hathaway.

However, as Barry Bonds and I were talking about how no one was calling either one of us to get into any games, it all hit me. I am retired. I am not going to be playing fantasy football this year. I won't be praying for three weeks of the pre-season that my starting quarterback would not get hit by a bus or run his motorcycle into a passing car. That I would not be hoping that the star linebacker of my defense would not end up with two torn knee ligaments. Or that my star running back would not be indicted for federal drug conspiracy (by the way, anyone can get busted by the feds for drug conspiracy...say hello to any drug dealer whether you know them or not will get you five in Leavenworth). I am not in it. And it makes me feel sad.

I am missing the game like I miss regular sex and playing in a band. Rough. Very rough.

So I am making this announcement to all league managers and commissioners....

Invite me to your league and I will join. Yes, that means that I would be pulling a Favre. So sue me. Or send me to the gulags. I don't care. I will join the first league that calls (or e-mails, or texts, or sends a pigeon) and only one. It does not matter what league and where. The first league that contacts me with an invite will get my best effort. I have six league championships to my credit so you are playing with fire, but at least I am not on performance enhancing drugs (unless you count blood pressure medication) and I have not been indicted...yet.

If no one contacts me before the first NFL game of the season, then I am staying retired and will likely stay that way to spite all you sorry asses. I learned how to say that from Barry Bonds who feels the same way about all the MLB teams that won't call him. Though they have many more reasons to NOT call him no matter how many people end up on the DL (yes, I am talking to you, Tampa Bay).

So click the mouse, or the keyboard, or whatever. Invite me back and I will join. Otherwise, it's your loss (and my family's gain--maybe).

Your Fox Household Update

In the Fox household there have been some stunning changes that have lead to the major superpowers in the home to renew their treaty of cooperation and security. As the forces of change have whipped through the household, we have come together where one year ago we were many miles apart. A year ago, we were in the midst of an icy cold war that often led to full hostilities that sent everything into a tailspin. The tailspin could have easily led to a nuclear winter that we have never seen previously. However, we had a challenge. A challenge to ourselves, each other, and the family as a whole to keep us together without simply destroying each other and ourselves. The family had developed deep cracks that threatened to swallow us whole in a vacuum. "Russia" (my significant other) began several months ago a period of warmth and understanding that had not been seen for a couple of years. The "United States" (me) got fed up with the sabre rattling, spinning itself into free fall, and posturing that he had been doing in response to the icy response from "Russia" and began a period of openness and communication that had not been seen in years as well. It had gotten ugly for a while and there was a lot of drift and a lot of resentment. Each of us acted out towards one another and to the world at large out of pain, loneliness, and temptations. Just months ago the tanks were ready to roll all over the map. Now, there is peace, harmony, and happiness. There are always threats. There will always be challenges. We have overcome the past challenges. We are at peace now with each other. We are in a renewed period of love, friendship, compassion, empathy, responsibility, and dedication. This renewal led us to take a rather faithful step. The faithful step of putting the past behind us. To forgive each other and ourselves for any damage that we may have caused. To let go of past hurts. To remember what brought us together in the first place. As a result, the treaty has been renewed. It was renewed with the world watching. With the world literally putting their hands on us and putting us back together. The world does not completely know how close the end was. Or how close we were to an irrevocable war that could have led to horrendous losses. Some know the journey that I took in the last year and half where I looked into the canyon, played with fire, dealt head-on with the demons of my past and my present, and walked away from the cliff. The journey that my wife has taken was in many ways a sharp contrast, but in many ways a glaring parallel journey that led her to a new world. She has come full circle. I have not completely come full circle, yet. My journey back has not been completed. I am still struggling with issues from the past. From my past. From my own fears. Again, even yesterday, I was reminded that the circle is not completed. I am not all the way back. My demons have not yet been completely put to rest. This time around I am getting more support. This support was not existent over a year ago. I will complete the circle and reinvent myself again as I have many many times before. The "US"-"Russia" cold war is officially over--in our house. After drifting apart in separate worlds and lives, times have changed. We are back together. Stronger than ever. Now, if Russia and the U.S. in our larger world could ever reach the same place we have then the larger world would be a better place.

What Am I Doing Here?

As I am watching Bob Costas sleepwalk his way through the Olympic prime time segment of the Beijing Olympic marathon every single night, I am wondering why I am here sitting in my kitchen with six month old mail piled up all over the place with nothing to write about.

There does not seem anything in my mind that is happening that really appeals to me as a subject of writing. The Russians signed a truce with Georgia and agreed to pull their troops out of their advanced positions in Monday. Well, it's Friday, and they kinda sorta have moved a little bit. Meanwhile, they blew up a key bridge just for giggles. Nothing to write about here. None of this news was very surprising. I considered sending Russian President for Life Putin a letter stating that he had made his point and could now pull back his troops. His point was that Russia is back as a military force ready to push around other countries again that dare rattle their cage and that the US is so spread thin that they will not make a move to protect one of it's stated allies. This fact must make the Ukraine, Poland, Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania feel very secure. The Ukrainians are extremely worried that they are next on the list of Russian prom date massacres and have stated as much in their discussions with the US and their neighbors who are also quivering. The Russians in the last five years poisoned a presidential candidate, cut of gas and oil supplies, and massed troops at the border just to menace their border guards. Ukraine is Russia like Kansas, Iowa, and Nebraska are to the US...key agricultural land, which Russia is sorely without. What? Siberia is not a place to grow corn?

So do I talk about Michael Phelps who, by himself, made the Olympics relevant again in the US? What is there to talk about that has not already been said? Phelps is a phenom. Phelps is the most gifted athlete in the last two years. He has more gold medals than any other athlete ever in any sport. Phelps looks like he is 15. He seems quirky. His diet is somewhere around 12,000 calories a day, which is 11,990 calories more than the Olsen twins combined consume in a day. What I wonder about Phelps is when he chooses to pack it in as a world class athlete (what else does he have to prove?) and hangs up the speedo racer suit that helped everyone break world records this year, what will his diet be like then? Will he continue to consume the Olsen twins every day? If so, will he bloom out to the weight of Tony Soprano or Marlon Brando? Will he then end up on The Biggest Loser? If he ends up on that show, then I am watching that. I am not watching him swim again. There's no point in that. No real drama there. But, ten years down the line when he weighs 463 pounds and is on a reality TV show trying to lose weight because he can't stop eating large pizzas with pepperoni every night followed by a 54 oz. milkshake from Sonic? That is something I want to see.

What about writing about the upcoming election? What is there to say about a botox addicted grumpy Republican running against Oprah? What is exciting about that? One married into $100 million dollars and the other....umm...umm...umm...I don't know...he probably has $100 million in a slush fund in Grenada. Who knows? My only thought right now is that I am praying that Oprah Obama does not pick my governor as the VP candidate. First off, selecting Tim Kaine would be a disaster for him and the state of Virginia. Kaine has no national Q rating. He really is not someone that would inspire those undecided voters in Oklahoma or Texas to vote for Oprah. If the state loses Kaine then all bets are off in Virginia and everything that he has gained here will go completely out the window. He also would get to opt himself out of the biggest budget mess that Virginia has seen in 15 years and we simply can't allow that. It's a rule. You're not allowed to leave office with a $1 billion deficit early. No way. You've got to stay and deal with it. Gov. Terminator in California is dealing with it so must everyone else. My message to Oprah Obama is to pick Wesley Snipes as his running mate.

Gorby Is Back!!!

We have not heard from Mikhail Gorbachev for a while. I was not sure that he was even still alive. Or if he was in a villa near the Black Sea under house arrest. I also wondered whether or not that red blotch on his head had grown larger or even morphed into the head of Stalin. Who knows. So, the former Soviet leader who gave us glasnost and the start of the era of oligarchy in Russia decided to weigh in on the whole Russia invasion of Georgia debate.

His op-ed in the Washington Post this past weekend was a bit of a surprise given it's tone of nationalistic propaganda. His point was that Russia had no other choice, but to launch a military offensive against Georgia. He advised that Georgia's provocation and sabre rattling of the Russian bear cage has been a spur in Russia's hide for years. He added that when Georgia attacked the capital city of South Osseita in order to target separatists and Russian "peace-keepers" that the ONLY reasonable response was to launch an invasion deep into Georgian territory, launch air strikes on Georgia's capital, and to start a naval blockade of the country.

Really? No choice?

Mr. Red Blotch Head, there is always a choice. Especially when it comes to military responses. Russia had a number of options available to her besides launching a full blown invasion of a independent sovereign nation. They could have reinforced their peace-keeping forces. They could have pulled out their forces. They could have evacuated people out of the area who wanted to leave. They could have taken a defensive stance against the Georgian military in order to drive the army out and repel the offensive against their own troops. However, what is forgotten in all of this is that South Ossetia is NOT a part of Russia. It is part of Georgia. The Georgians have every right to lay claims to their own territory. They have every right to deal with separatists in the region who were waging war against the government (even though the Georgian government is so corrupt that they deserve to be attacked). Georgia's mistake was that they also attacked Russian military peace-keepers. Bad move. Complete miscalculation. Georgia had to know that if they were silly enough to attack the Russian military that the bear cage would be opened and the result would have been a typical Russian over reaction.

The Russians did have a choice on how to deal with the situation. They had several reasonable responses in order to protect it's people and military. However, they went Mike Tyson (in his prime) on Georgia hitting knock out blow after knock out blow whenever and wherever it was possible. They even bit Georgia's ear (twice). It eventually took the French (of course!) to broker a cease-fire to end the pummeling. The Russian military is deep into Georgian territory beyond the lines of the South Ossetia region. They have assisted another break-away region in Georgia to rebel against the Georgian military. It is this type of response that causes other countries to avoid trusting and working with Russia (except for rogue countries that no one else will play in the sandbox with), which in this flat world economy will prove to be a major disadvantage.

However, this is where Gorbachev was correct in his op-ed piece. The United States has done very little as a major super power to elicit trust and cooperation from the international community by acting in the same manner of overreacting by using it's military to go overboard in protecting it's interest. Gorbachev stated that the US response of condemning Russia was narrow minded. He is correct. The US to react with righteous indignation about this crisis is utterly ridiculous and proves that the current US administration lives in a major double standard. It's OK that we rain on someones parade for no apparent logical reason, but not OK for someone else.

It is Gorbachev, in the end, that also provides the over reaction that is consistent with his home nation's response to everything. So no one should be surprised. Russia did have a choice in how to respond. They chose the most illogical and disproportionate response. Of course, they did what we would do...so who could blame them?

The United States Speaks And Russia Doesn't Listen

The invasion of Georgia by Russian troops continues onward as the Georgian military reports that they have pulled out of South Ossetia. The Georgian government, allies of the US, has asked for a cease fire and to start negotiations with the Russians in order to settle the issue peacefully. The Russians have not ceased their military offensive operations as they have continued to utilize air strikes, tactical missile attacks, and naval blockade of the country by the navy. The Russian military operation has gone well beyond rescuing their "peace-keepers" in South Ossetia or protecting their citizens.

In the impotent UN Security Council, the US used the forum to verbally strike out at Russia (a standing member if the Council with veto power). The US accused Russia of wanting to overthrow the government of a popular elected pro-US president (who is as corrupt as any politician that has been in Congress as long as, let's say, John McCain has). The Russian response?

Do you even need to ask?

Denial.

Of course. Did anyone expect any other response? This is the Cold War all over again. The US blames Russia for some indiscretion. The Russians respond by denying, threatening, and blaming everyone else for their indiscretions. On and on like a bad mob movie where each side whacks a capo on the other side for evil deeds like looking at them the wrong way or crossing the road. Russia is familiar with this game, they have played it before. They are experts. And so are we. So what's the point? No one can believe clearly what anyone speaking on behalf of Russia or the US anyways.

Luckily, all of this banter is just words. It is isn't sending naval fleets and nuclear submarines across the globe to play chicken with one another like in the good ole' days. Yet. I do not expect that the US will do anything about this crisis that Russia is embroiled in except launch verbal volleys back and forth like Nadal and Federer at Wimbledon. The Russians, who clearly are doing what the US would have done in the same situation and also what they would love to do to the state of California, will do what they want. They will conduct this invasion on their own terms. They will react like jilted fourteen year old girls when their best friend steals their boyfriend (like he was really all that anyways) by overreacting, becoming histrionic, and vengeful. The wise move for the Russians at this point is to do the opposite of what is expected. They have reportedly driven the Georgian military out of South Ossetia, which was their initial "stated" goal. It is time for them to sit at the table and negotiate a cease fire and subsequently develop a reasonable plan that will allow the people of South Ossetia to rebuild their lives and determine their fate independently.

The Russians also should not listen to the Americans. The Americans feel completely obligated to denounce the Russians action's as being heavy handed and "disproportionate." So, let me ask, how proportionate was it to invade and occupy Iraq when that country had nothing to do with 9/11? For the US to say anything about Russia's maneuvers in Georgia is pure hypocrisy. The US feels that they have to speak out on this issue mainly because everyone wants to know what we think. However, the United States response rings as hollow as Brett Favre's retirement announcement(s). No wonder no one listens to the US anymore...except for a laugh.

When Russia's Bear Cage Is Rattled...It Gets Opened

I have been asked by a number of people in the last twenty-four hours about my thoughts about the Russian invasion of the country (not the state) of Georgia on Friday. This story was the second or third most read story on most news oriented websites yesterday. The top stories in the U.S. were John Edwards confession of his extramarital affair in 2006 and the Olympic opening ceremony in China. So the timing of a Russian invasion of one of it's former republics was good timing from the Russian PR perspective.

Not that the Russians particularly worry themselves over bad international PR. Matter of fact, they were more than happy to have this PR event as proof that the Russian "super power" is nothing that satellite nations on it's border want to mess with.

The Russians have had heated relations with all of it's former republics since each of them became sovereign after the fall of the USSR. They have taunted them, threatened them, and even punished them at times for their insolence. The Russian FSB poisoned a pro-American presidential candidate in the Ukraine. They cut off gas and oil supplies to that country out of spite. They have been threatening the country of Georgia for years that if they rattled the Russian bear cage hard enough that they would just open the cage.

So none of this is of any surprise to anyone who knows Russian history. Russian history is cluttered with multiple incidents of jumping on top of smaller countries on their border in an effort to expand their territory. They have been doing this for centuries. They have just been looking for an excuse to strike another neighbor and prove to the world that the big Russian bear has now woken up and is ready to eat and destroy everyone in it's wake. They got that excuse with Georgia.

The Georgian republic of South Ossetia has attempted to separate themselves from Georgia for the last decade. The population of the republic (slightly more than the city of Lynchburg, Virginia) are mostly Russian and have thrown their lot with Moscow. The Georgian, pro-US government (mainly because of their corruption which is always a lure to the Bush White House) have attempted to reel them back into the fold ever since. The Georgian separatists have been fighting the Georgian military for a number of years to a virtual stalemate. Russian military peace-keepers (the ultimate of oxymorons) have been in the region in order to keep the peace between the two sides. The Russians have threatened the Georgians that if they made any significant attempt to re-take South Ossetia by force would result in nasty consequences. On Thursday, the Georgian military entered South Ossetia to once and for all to re-take the republic. They launched air strikes and troops directly at the Russian "peace-keeping" troops.

As a result, the bear cage was opened on Friday.

Now, the rational response to the situation would be either to reinforce Russian peace-keeping troops and drive the Georgian forces out (leaving out the question as to whether or not Russian troops should have been in Georgian territory anyways) or pull all of their military and citizens out of the region. However, in the world of the three degrees of President Asterisk (Bush), rational thought is non existent. Russian President Medvedev who is a clone of Prime Minister (and president for life) Valdimir Putin who is a clone of President Asterisk "decided" to hit the nail with a tank instead of a hammer. The Russian military under the guise of protecting it's "peace-keeping" troops and it's citizens launched a full blown invasion of South Ossetia and Georgia. They launched air strikes on both key financial, military, and civilian targets in Georgia. They thrusted 2,500 ground troops and moved their naval fleet to the Georgia coast to the west. Scores of citizens and troops have been killed (some count hundreds and others state something close to 1,500) in the melee.

Georgia has appealed to it's ally the U.S. and to the U.N. for assistance which is akin to asking New York City citizens to rescue someone from a mob of thugs. The response from the US and the UN has been sharp words, but little action. Georgia who has applied to be a member of NATO (another major sore point for Russia) have seen that application go out the window. They are now going to be on their own.

Russia wants to prove a point. The point is that they are again re-emerging as a financial and military power. This is steeped deep in their history. Their history is full of self-imposed and outside influenced paranoia. They fear their own selves and any other country near them for fear that they will be invaded and possibly subjugated (e.g. the Mongols, the Finns, the French, and the Germans). The response of Russia given their paranoia is to always appear to be a significant threat to anyone who messes with them. They rattle their own bear cage to show everyone that it is ready to strike at any given moment. Their message: "Hit the cage with a stick and we'll let the bear out. Period. No mercy will be permitted as a result." This is the classic Russian motto to the world. We have now seen it again.

So now that Russia has proven their point. Yes, they are paranoid. Yes, they have re-emerged as a significant financial force in Europe. Yes, they have the appearance of military might. The only reasonable option. As if the President Asterisk clones in Russia are reasonably rational!! The only reasonable option is shut the operation down. Stabilize South Ossetia to the level where there is peace in the region with negotiations on what is in the best interests of the people of the region. Let the people of South Ossetia decide their fate. With the bear or the poor soul that rattled it's cage.

This Is Proof Of LIfe?

As you can see, we have now gotten more from the infamous KIdnapper #47. On the top photo, we have a proof of life photo of Dippy who apparently is getting most of his needs met with pills and a sword with what appears to be the head of Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley on the end of it. The ransom note on the bottom implies that Dippy is alive and well. It also indicates a demand that this blogger choose to root for Washington sports by September 11th.

The FBI profilers that are now consulting us on this case have stumbled on some key information. They indicated that the significance of the use of the number 47 is that it matches the uniform number of Redskins tight end Chris Cooley. This is key evidence!!!

The profilers from the FBI's Behavioral Science Unit have developed an overall profile of the kidnapper. They believe that the kidnapper is acting alone, is a white male, is slightly overweight, and is about 30-35 years of age. They also believes that he lives in the close proximity of my own town (if not in the town/city where I work). They also report that he does not live alone, is being suffocated by his family, and tries as much as possible to stay isolated. This is due to a grave thought content and process issue. The profilers believe that he is suffering from grandiose delusions and is becoming more disorganized as time goes on. It is also believed that he believes that he is significantly more important than he really is. It is thought that the kidnapper believes that he has special powers to control people's minds with his own ability of mind control. The thought disorganization may make this kidnapper more erratic in his behavior. The profilers also are concerned that if I meet the demands of the kidnapper that it may not result in the safe return of the pirate bear as this individual is seeking to make a huge demonstration of his powers and abilities. They are concerned also of the September 11th deadline and it's significance citing that this individual is looking for a grand stage and date to demonstrated his clearly advanced psychic powers and abilitites as well as showing how powerfully important that he is by doing something so over the top and dramatic related to kidnapping.

The FBI folks advise that I take care of this issue as quickly as possible. They are suggesting that I go ahead and meet the kidnappers demands. They indicated that this is the only chance that the pirate bear may have to survive the kidnapping. The profilers believe that as more time goes by without me meeting the kidnapper half way the more he will believe that we do not find him "powerful" or "important" enough and this will result in some vengeful act that can only end badly.

So I have some decisions to make. I believe that I have come very close to making a decision that may or may not end this crisis. So as I watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics in China (wouldn't it have been absolutely neat if the entire US team came out all wearing either duct tape over their mouths or gas masks in protest? I think it would have been absolutely great) I will be deciding on all the options. I will also be commuserating with former Senator John Edwards at some random North Carolina stripper bar while being served by a high school drop out with a meth habit named Becky or Star or Bar or Car or Candy. I don't know. All I do know is that this crisis must be resolved soon for the sake of Dippy. I don't want to cave to any kidnappers demands or even the demands of disgraced politicians and strippers. However, there is a pirate bear out there locked up in a storage facility or a cage or worse yet, a high school, that needs to be saved by clearly a kidnapper with some sort of sexual issue involving fruit and tight end Chris Cooley. I am worried of the possible consequences that Dippy may have to endure from this individual.

However, we do not really have a true proof of life photo of Dippy. There is nothing in the picture that suggests a date, a time, or anything that shows that he is still alive. That picture could have been taken in the bar at the Wyndam Hotel after he got paid off to be in a German snuff film three weeks ago. I need something that tells me that he is still alive...now not three weeks ago. Now that we know that Brett Favre is going to be playing this year after all so that leaves my demand for a proof of life for the bear. So Kidnapper #47 stop having bizarre fantasies involving Chris Cooley, leather, a small snake, a banana, and a small screwdriver and get me proof of life for Dippy.

Tomorrow I will be discussing Russia's latest war. Fun, Huh!!!

The Year Of Living Dangerously: My Favorite Songs Of 2008

Around a year ago I began a spiral of self-destruction and soul searching that involved dancing with the devil, looking down the cliffside, diving off the cliff, catching my own fall, medical crises, lost conferences, and eventual rebirth. This rebirth occurred as part of my own metamorphasis that has caused deep scars and a new sense of self. This past year has been a year of deeper self-reflection, discovering a darker image of myself in the mirror, dancing with both the angel and devil that brought me to this point, and a new light that has illuminated everything into a clarity I have never seen. This clarity has created hope, but has illuminated the messes that I have created. Again, I have risen like a phoenix from the flames. Now, I am using a shop-vac to clean up the mess that was left behind from the year long spiral.

As music is the soundtrack of life. I wanted to make mention of songs I have listened to through this journey as a way to clear the air and release the energy that the journey has created.

You're A Wolf-Sea Wolf
This song is about dancing with the devil...who just happens to be dressed up as a much younger attractive woman. This song involves an intellectual temptation that is deeper than the obvious physical temptation. Either way the road goes with this devil (or angel) it ends badly on the rocks below the cliff side.

The Heinrich Maneuver-Interpol (Re-Mix)
This re-mix of the Interpol album from last year is charged with longing for the future, but feeling trapped by the ghosts of love past and the need for something new to freshen the pot. The lyric: "I don't want to take your heart/I don't want a piece of history/I don't want to read your thoughts anymore", says everything to me.

Goodnight, California-Kathleen Edwards
One day, Kathleen Edwards will get her due as a top song writer. This lovely song from her most recent album provides a glimpse into the depths of her lyrics that drip with reconciliation mixed with loss. This is one of my favorite songs that I listen to on my drive to and from work. The beat fits with the passing of miles, trucks, and rolling hills. As I listen, I feel the sadness embedded in walking away from everything. Walking away from the table with all your heart's chips on the table...and not looking back...not because you want to, but you have to in order to save yourself.

You Got Growin Up To Do-Joshua Radin
Love is tough. Love is complicated. It's worse when you can't give anymore and then the only healthy option for them and you is to just walk away. This song reflects that sentiment. This song is simple. It's power is it's simplicity.

Running Up That Hill-Placebo
This 2007 remake of the Kate Bush classic is particularly fitting song for me and this time of my life. It reminds me again that no matter how much I want to take away someones pain and to "trade places" with them and "make a deal with God" that it is impossible. People have to find their own way out of the staircase of self-destruction. This is something I must always remind myself of as it is my natural inclination to take on more than I can handle and to rescue people from themselves.

Fell on Bad Days-Rubyface
This song is from the TV series, Rescue Me, soundtrack. The show is one of the very few shows I will actually watch. I have referenced it on a few occasions in this blog. This songs speaks of a journey through life's broken glass and fire...and coming out the other side. The ending mantra of "It doesn't feel so bad..." fits how my journey this year as led me to the other side of a tunnel where I have found rebirth and the past "does not feel so bad." Another line speaks of "I hear your voice in the wind...and it's tempting" which also speaks to the journey as well.

Devil-Stereophonics
Also from the Rescue Me TV series soundtrack. I have dealt with a multitude of temptresses over the last year both of flesh and of the heart. These have taken on many different forms. All of those forms have represented both the angel and the devil simultaneously. In the past year, I have danced with both and has this song depicts I have made it to the last dance realizing the temptations for what they are.

Deeper and Deeper-Dave Gahan
This song is about pure anger and lust mixed together. This song holds absolutely nothing back. At times, I'll hear this song and it gives me the ability to get into the mindset that I need to do the things I need to do that are not so savory. It also reflects the person I turned into for the greater part of the last year. A person that is in all of us, believe me it is...it's just that most of us fortunately do not live in that person for long.

Time To Pretend-MGMT
This song has quickly become my favorite. This song, to me, is about lost youth and the constant chase after it is lost to run after it: "I'm feeling rough/I'm feeling wrong in the time of my life...This is our decision to live fast and die young/We got the vision now let's have some fun" This song virtually says it all for me. This "happy" song with the sharp lyrics reflects the whole year for me in a nutshell. What is on the surface has not reflected the journey in my heart and soul that has led me to the other side...a year older...a year wiser...a new year filled with hope...with a year's worth of cuts and scrapes to show for it all.

Dear Kidnapper #47

Dear Kidnapper #47,

Why won't you show us your true self? Your true face? Are you the face of pure evil? The face of someone who would sell a drug addicted resistance puppy to a Chinese restaurant? Someone who would kidnap a pirate bear keeping him from the hookers that frequent the Wyndham Virginia Beach Oceanfront hotel? I mean you do not rank up there with the great evil doers in the world like Stalin, Hitler, Pee-Wee Herman, Ozzy Osbourne, Barney the Purple Dinosaur, and both Bush presidents. They would have the fortitude to let us see their faces...and then promptly shoot darts at them in a smoky basement dungeon frequented by starving artists from Richmond. No, you have to hide behind a useless pointless number and crazy ransom notes like the one pictured above. No, true evil will show his/her face to the world. You, on the other hand, show us nothing, but scribbled notes on a legal pad and a silly number. Do you expect me to take you seriously? It seems that you have no honor. You have little courage. You expect me to pick Washington as a favorite sports city just because you say so. I should be swayed by your threats of violence towards a pirate bear because you are a tormented Washington sports fan? Of course, I am only assuming that you are a Washington sports fan. Since you will not show us your face, your favorite team's jersey, or any needle marks I can't tell what exactly you are.

Let me ask this question.

Do you really want me to be a sports fan of teams based in your city of Washington?

Let's look at what has happened to Atlanta sports in my tenure as an Atlanta professional sports team fan:

1. Professional sports teams in Atlanta have won exactly one world championship.

2. The Braves went to the play-offs ten million straight times and won the World Series once.

3. The Falcons went to one Super Bowl. The night before the game one of their star defensive players gets busted for being with a hooker and they played against Denver in Elway's last game.

4. The Hawks have never been to an NBA Finals while in Atlanta. The closest they came was the Eastern Conference Finals in the eighties.

5. The Flames played in Atlanta, then left for Calgary.

6. The Thrashers have been to one NHL play-off series and did not win a game.

7. The star quarterback for the Falcons is now in federal prison.

8. The last Falcons coach left with four games left in the season...for Arkansas.

9. The owner of the Falcons looks like a cross between a shyster used car salesman and a old porn star.

10. A Hawks player recently signed a contract to play basketball...in Greece.

Do I need to go any further? As a sports fan, I have somehow cursed Atlanta sports (or is it vice versa?) During the same time period in Atlanta sports the Redskins won two Super Bowls, played in three, and have gone to the play-offs countless times. The Capitals typically are a play-off team. They won their division last season. They have been to one Cup Finals series. The Wizards/Bullets franchise won a NBA title and played in another Final the following year. They were also a play-off team in the last two seasons (even though they got embarrassed each time by King James each time). The MLS franchise has won four titles. Admittedly, Washington professional baseball is cursed, but they are a retread from Canada and they don't know how to play baseball (or football) in Canada...except in Toronto, but that city is basically a US city anyways.

So do you really want my curse to fall upon the professional sports franchises in Washington? Do you really want that as a Washington fan? If I chose your city, then you get my curse to go with it. That is a promise not some empty threat.

However, I will choose...on two conditions.

1. Brett Favre must decide if he is going to play or not this season. I do not care if he plays for the Texans or an AFL or CFL team. I don't care. He is either retired this season or plays.

2. I want proof of life of the pirate bear.

Fox.