My Favorite Songs Of The Year(s)

Above you will see my iMix (available on iTunes) of my favorite songs from the last two years.

Some history is appropriate here. Since I was fifteen years old I complied at the end of the year my compliation of favorite songs of the year that had passed. Some years I skipped the compliation in order to create a "all-time" list of songs from all the years. Last year, I released my favorite 100 songs of "all-time." So this year's list goes back a couple of years. For the last six years I have burned a CD of these favorite songs of the year for my close friends and family. These songs strike an emotional chord for me as an avid music listener. These songs described where I have been, where I was, and where I am going to in my life intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally in the last year(s). These songs given in CD form at Christmas time are like my musical version of the dreaded family Christmas card "letter of events of the last year." Except my version is musical, truthful, and (hopefully) have more emotional depth.

Some comments on the songs on the list:

#29 "We Used to Vacation" by Cold War Kids

This song that elaborates on an family's dysfunction as it's protaganist deals with alcoholism and it's effect on the family. I have dealt with alcoholism in my family for a number of years. It keeps raising it's head from the sand--as it always does.

#25 "All My Friends" by LCD Soundsystem

I discovered this song last summer as I was veering into my mid-life crisis. This song captures that period absolutely perfectly. The protaganist in this song is lamenting the fact that now he is a white collar professional and is more invested in doing the "have-to's" that come from being upwardly mobile as opposed to living the party life with his friends. For me, my lament that I am getting older, wiser (maybe), and further away from my freer youth.

#19 "Rest My Chemistry" by Interpol

For most of the last two years and particularily in the last year my life has been an exhausting whirlwind of personal and professional growth borne through intense crises. There were many days where I did not truly "rest" as my mind, my heart, and body were constantly moving through the days and weeks of challenging crises. Most of the year I was exhausted.

#15 "Wrecking Ball" by Interpol

As you may have guessed one of my favorite bands now-a-days is Interpol. Some people fell off the bandwagon this year claimin they are now big label sell-outs. I do not have the same opinion as I like them as much now as I did before. For me, this song talks about the people that cross our paths and make sudden, wonderful, and deep impacts on who we are and where we are going. The past two years have seen many people cross paths into my world and I into them. I deeply thankful for what they have brought to me in my life no matter what the result.

#12 "Ghosts of You" by Chantal Kreviazuk

This song is fairly self-explantory as it's protaganist is pleading for a loved one to not leave

who is "the only one that will stay the same." We have relationships that we create, rise, and fall

that have deep impacts as this song illustrates.

#10 "Slow Show" by The National

You did not think that I would have a list of favorite songs that did not include The National, did you? The National came out with what I believe the best album of the year with Boxer. This song for me expressed my wishes to be near the one I love. The classic lamenting line is: "You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I met you." Dream on.

#8 "Are You Alright?" by Lucinda Williams

Lucinda Williams is one of the best songwriters around these days as she mixes country folk and rock with lyrics driven by love and loss. I dedicate this song to a friend who drifted away and I often wondered how they were doing and wishing I could be there to at least be present on their journey.

#7 "Pace Is The Trick" by Interpol

This song speaks directly to my experiences over the last year and how without knowing it I can cause my own crises and chaos. It also illustrates that there were times that I also created the crises willingly in order to follow my heart. Important line: "You don't hold a candle."

#4 "All The Wine" by The National

I do have a narcissitic side as I think we all do. This year I found my true self (warts and all) and what I wanted out of life. I also discovered that I also deserve what I want out of life just like anyone else. There are times where I truly believe that "all the wine" is for me. This song for me opens up my deep narcissitic side to the world. "I'm a festival. I'm a parade."

#2 "Breathe Me" by Sia

The "Six Feet Under" fans out there will recognize this song which is absolutely perfect for a soundtrack involving discovery, love, deep need, passion, and loss. This was the past year for me. My year was a year of finding love, discovery of a passion that I thought was dead, finding who I was when all the chips were down, losing friends and family, and rediscovering life all over again. This song fits that journey perfectly.

#1 "Santa Clara" by The National

I am not sure that this song is available on The National's CD or not. It is only available on iTunes if you buy the whole album. The opening pounding of the drums catches you in a grasp as it opens this song about love and loss. This year I gained a great deal. I was fortuneate in many ways. I also lost a great deal as well. I also rediscovered things that I thought were lost. There was a time where I thought the walls were closing in and all the chips were on the table. I was celebrating a birth and mourning a loss at the same time. This soing fits that part of the journey for me.

"I don't worry anymore..cuz it's all right, all right to see a ghost..

Gonna run to the river, kiss my hand and wait. Gonna run to

the river, going to throw a blue bouquet...." The National (2007)

A Letter To Bill

Dear Mr. Belichick,

Tomorrow your team, the "Evil Empire" New England Patriots, will be playing for a 16-0 season. This is a momentous occasion for everyone. I congratulate you and your team even though your quarterback is the NFL's version of Zoolander and has been using HGH since he was a five year old youngster living in the Bay Area. I have several pieces of advice for you this coming new year. First, you need a image make over. You are by far the worst dressed head coach in the history of the league. Not even close. Cut-off hoodies, pants that look like they were laundered two years ago, clothes that do not match, and head bands that would make Olivia Newton-John quiver all yell out "homeless person." This look is not working and has been getting worse since you started coaching. One gets the idea that you are slowly turning into Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver or you are on an escalating dose of Vicodin. Not sure which. My suggestion is to allow your wife (if you have one who will even talk to you) or call girl to dress you before games. That will improve your image quickly. Secondly, stop cheating. It is obvious that you are continuing to cheat in one way or another. If you are not videotaping other team's signals you are paying off referees. You are doing something sinister. Like taking coins out fountains, making deals with Satan, intercepting audio from opposing team's helmets, or defrauding the government by claiming that your in-game wardrobe is a "business expense."
Whatever you are doing, please stop. Third, control Zoolander. This year, Tom Brady managed to impregnate a hot actress and then dump her so badly that she would not even allow him near the hospital when the baby was born. Now he is trying to impregnate a hot underwear model. This world needs less Tom Brady's so he has to be stopped. Only you, Bill can stop him. Get him some condoms. Make sure he makes his child support payments. Encourage him to become a monk. He's out of control and needs to be stopped before we have a whole team of Tom Brady's out there who will go 65-0 in twenty or so years. Just like in the Terminator, the fate of humanity rests entirely on Tom Brady not impregnating anyone else. Fourth, if you go 19-0, please retire. For your own sake. If you go 19-0 then you would have achieved everything in coaching that one can do and much more. You don't need to do anymore. If you continue coaching beyond this year then all of the HGH, Vicodin, and Boston call girls will eventually catch up with you. I am afraid if that happens you will end up like Elvis keeled over on the toilet. Not pretty (especially if you are wearing your cut off hoodie at the time). I know that you believe that you do not need any advice. Just consider this an intervention or a warning or a prophecy. Just consider what I have advised before it is too late.

Sincerely,
Fox1073

A Country That Most People Can't Find On A Map In Turmoil IS Important

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan today has enormous ripple effects all over the world. Her death at a political rally two weeks prior to a democratic election in an Arab country that borders Afghanistan, Iran, and India has turned Pakistan into a country in near anarchy. If one does not know where Pakistan is on a map should learn quickly. Because a country that harbors terrorists and has more than seventy nuclear warheads has had their former two-time prime minister and probable winning candidate killed by "militants." As a result, there is rioting in the streets and the authorities are too afraid to do anything to stop the country from continuing to spiral out of control. The events in Pakistan over the last three months (escalating terror attacks and assassination attempts) culminating in today's inevitable tragic political assassination proves that Pakistan is (and has been all along) a terrorist state. A terrorist state that has nuclear weapons, terror schools, and has been under military rule for years. A terrorist state that has done nothing to truly stop terrorist organizations from plotting and engaging in their twist jihad against the Western world. Sure, Pakistan has given us lip service and numerous photo op between their current president Musharraf and our President "Asterisk" at the White House. However, the U.S. has given billions of dollars in "aid" to Pakistan to help win the war on terror. The result: a country with nuclear weapons bordering on anarchy, terrorist attacks on a regular basis, loss of innocent lives, and now a major political assassination that is comparable to RFK's assassination. An unstable country is worrisome. An unstable terrorist state that has nuclear weapons is more dangerous than 15 Iraqs put together. So as I log-in to AOL this evening and see Brittany Spear's sister on the first headline, I am praying that President "Asterisk" and his SF Zoo handlers know where Pakistan is on a map and understand the obvious true danger.

Christmas Thoughts

I hope that everyone who is reading this (all two of you, just kidding...four) had a great Christmas. I have to say that I am glad that the prelude to the holiday is over. I have nothing against the holiday itself. I have trouble with the chaos that leads to it. The painstaking work of getting everything ready. The gifts, the food, the house etc. etc. It is maddening, excessive, and expensive. I am exhausted from preparing for guests in our home after three straight weekends of cleaning and moving junk from one random location to another random location. I am looking at my bank account plummet faster than the stock market the day it crashed. I have to calm my nerves with mass amounts of Jell-O so I can keep from panicking over the balance sheet. I have to say to myself repeatedly "I have enough to pay for groceries. I have enough to pay for groceries. I have enough...to pay for...only cheese and moldy bread for the next three months as I pay off the credit cards after paying for that piece of jewelry my wife/ex/girlfriend/significant other wanted/needed." So I am left wondering whether or not we are honoring the birth of the son of God or the holy trinity of Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. It is this question that leads me to go to church for the only the second time in a calender year (just guess the first time) so I can get perspective on why I am subjecting myself to the insanity of the days and weeks that lead up to the holiday. However, the day of reckoning finally arrives and I enjoy it immensely. I enjoy the visiting with people I do not see on a regular basis. I enjoy seeing the joy in my (step)daughter's eyes in the morning. I enjoy eating ravenously. I enjoy giving the gifts. I enjoy the receiving the gifts as well. Finally, most of all I enjoy truly honoring the holiday for what it was meant to celebrate.


Other random thoughts:

* I am on-call again tonight and counting the hours until the shift ends. Not a good sign. At least the moon is no longer full, which means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

* I am watching the Motor City Bowl. Now why is a team allowed to play in any bowl game if they have a losing record in their conference? How does that work? Purdue was 3-5 in their conference. They do not deserve to go to a bowl. However, the bowl is in Detroit so maybe it's not that great of a reward anyways. "Hey men! We're going to play a game in Detroit the day after Christmas!!! Weeeeee!!!!" For Central Michigan it is a home game. Joy!

* My favorite line from the bowl game tonight by one of the commentators: "I am really impressed with Detroit." Joy double!! This is like saying you are impressed by the number of dogs killed by "Bad News Kennelz."

* People asked me what other albums I liked this year beyond The National's Boxer. Well, Arcade Fire (Neon Fire) and Bruce Springsteen (Magic) all released solid new albums this year. Their albums were close to the top slot. Honorable mention goes to Radiohead's album In Rainbows. I will post my favorite songs from the year in a future post.

* A co-worker corrected me concerning my statements regarding when Tom Brady (NFL's version of Zoolander) starting using HGH. I said he started in college. My colleague reminded me that it was in high school. Thanks for the reminder, Scott!!!

* Apparently a tiger escaped it's habitat at the San Francisco zoo and killed a young man and injured two others before being "dispatched" by SF police. Now, am I only the only one that is surprised that this does not happen more often? I mean we put wild animals behind bars so people can ogle and tease them day after day and we are shocked when one escapes and kills someone. I am not in any way suggesting that the loss of life is not tragic and horrific, but I am surprised that this does not happen more often. Wild animals were not meant to be kept is zoos or aquariums which is why I never go to them. If I want to see animals in the wild I will go to them.

* Purdue just won the bowl game 51-48 with a field goal with no time left. I wish I cared.

* It is now nine hours and four minutes until the on-call shift is over.

Am I Getting Too Old For This?

It is two days before Christmas and I am in the middle of a twenty four hour emergency on-call shift for the agency I work for. In short, my job is to respond to emergency behavioral health issues that may be called in within the region where I work. This may include talking with consumers in crisis over the phone, meeting with consumers in person, or facilitating an admission to a psychiatric unit or a substance dependency detox program. My agency is required to provide emergency services coverage to our region 24/7/365. So for extra cash I take on shifts during after hours (after 5 pm and on weekends). The work is very interesting as one is required to use sound clinical judgment in the spur of the moment during non-traditional hours. People ask if I get many calls and I say "sometimes." Some shifts nothing happens and I do not hear a peep. There are other shifts where I have pulled an all-nighter at the emergency room securing an admission for a suicidal individual. There are other shifts where it seems like it is non-stop calls and meetings with consumers. Crisis is a combination of danger (the possible lethal actions of someone in a behavioral health emergency) plus opportunity (a chance to intervene when the iron is red hot). However, the environment has changed rather dramatically from when I started doing emergency behavioral health care ten years ago. Ten years ago there were ample inpatient psychiatric beds all over the state of Virginia. If an individual truly needed a bed then there would be one available. Of course, all attempts would be made to provide outpatient care and services in the community. Today, I try to make every attempt to develop a plan with a consumer that involves them staying at home, staying safe, and getting what they need to overcome the crisis point. There are times where the safest thing to do is to seek a hospitalization. Ten years ago, when beds were more plentiful the average call (the time from meeting the consumer to obtaining the admission) for me was around two hours. Now, the same call averages around five hours. There are many reasons for this change. First, the number of available psychiatric beds both private and public have shrunk considerably. Private hospitals have also become more selective in their admission criteria. For example, they can easily say to me as I am seeking an admission for a suicidal patient that even though they have a bed the patient is "too acute" to be in their facility. I often wonder in the middle of the night how anyone could get away with this. The patient is too sick to be in their hospital. It's easy for them to say "no" to me because it is not their patient and not their responsibility. It's mine. So if something were to go wrong. It's not their fault it will be mine. I then ask myself now that I have been doing this for awhile whether or not I need the stress and the headaches of this level of responsibility. Am I too old for the strain? Am I too old for the feeling that I am liable for whatever happens? Am I too old to pull all-nighters in calls that now take me at least four to five hours to plow through? Another major change is in the public hospital system here that has been downsizing for years. State hospitals used to have back-up plans to move potential admissions to other state facilities if the local facility was full. Not anymore. If the local state hospital is full then they are full and there is no back-up. State hospitals are considered the last option. So the last option has no back-up so the patient at this point either walks or stays in an emergency room waiting. I have had both happen. So how does that feel when liability is on my shoulders? You can guess. The other issue with state facilities is that their civil beds are taken up by forensic patients from jails. Individuals in jails in need of hospitalization or a forensic evaluation have to go to a state facility. They stay longer and take up the beds that could be held for a civil patient. Thus, the number of available beds decreases and the shell game looking for a bed for a patient is at the end of their rope continues. At 2:45 am I could be sitting in a local ER playing the shell game while the weight of the patient's need, the ER doctor's expectations, and the family's desperation weighs on my shoulders. At 36, I truly feel 56 at that moment and I feel like I am truly too old for this. This is one of the key reasons why people in my field are running off. The responsibility is too great and the money not meeting the "Is it worth it?" mark. As I write. I wait for the pager to buzz so that the "game" begins.

My Advice To Young Couples

I was sitting at a Christmas lunch with some professional colleagues the other day. One of them has recently gotten married. He and his new wife are fairly young and they got married a month ago. I am truly happy for them both and I hope for the best for them. That is why I need to pass on advice from experience.

I am married myself (for the second time...eek...should I be passing out advice?) and have been married for over four years. That is double the time my first marriage lasted. I know from both professional and personal experience that couples go through phases that are accompanied by ups and downs. It is the couples that navigate through the roller coaster who survive. The biggest threat to long-term relationships truly is boredom. That is my advice to young couples: Do not let things get boring.

Boredom in a relationship leads to many things. One thing it leads to is complacency. When people become complacent they stop doing what worked in the relationship when it started (like communicating, having fun, doing new things etc.). When you stop doing what works then one should expect things to fall apart through boredom because it is what works that continues the initial attraction. Complacency caused by boredom only breeds even more boredom. It all goes down hill from there. When people are bored they also can drift emotionally, intellectually, and even sexually. The further the drift the worse it gets as people's needs do not get met as they did before. Then the gap widens into a larger and larger sinkhole that eventually turns into resentment of everything about each other. Resentment is a relationship cancer that will destroy it's host if left unchecked. Boredom will create resentment. If people become bored with each other they are also likely to find someone else that will pay them more attention and add energy to their lives. If that occurs then you can see where it goes from there.

So the key is not to let things get boring. The way to avoid letting things get boring is to remember what brought you together in the first place. There was something about the person that attracted you to them and them to you. Whatever that was keep it front and center. Other ideas include: keep going on dates, plan something fun together on a regular basis and don't stop, go on vacation regularly, and (some people may hate me for this) take breaks from each other. The last point is important and not because I am suggesting that people should break-up and play around and come back together. What I am saying is that you can not spend all your time together all the time. You must have a life of your own and sometimes you need to spend time for yourself and recharge who you are. Why? Because if you eliminate who you were when you met then you have eliminated the reason why the other person wanted you in the first place. When that happens then there is nothing left to be attracted to. After some time goes by playing with this hot potato: boredom hits.

The people that know me and have been around me saw during the last year how complacency and resentment created and fueled by boredom affected my marriage. The gaps created are still clearly evident and at times we are completely adrift from each other and alone even in the same house. Put simply: I did not heed my own advice. As a result, I am where I am. I have seen it hundreds of times with couples I have worked with and in many instances when they got to my office it was too late as the gap was just too wide. I did not think it would happen to me, but though I am a professional in the behavioral sciences I am also human and fell prey to the pitfalls just like anyone else. It is likely that I should not be giving out advice at all, but I am giving it anyways. Don't ever let things get boring.

The Football and Movie Gods Are After Me!!

With apologies to my hero, Bill Simmons, I will be providing a running diary of a hour of immersion in popular culture through the magic of digital cable television. WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

9: 46 pm: I am watching the NFL Network and the Rams are at home against the Steelers. The new VP of Football Operations (Is that same type job as VP of the latrine?) for our favorite choke franchise, the Miami Dolphins, Bill Parcells is starring in an old presser being used by Miller Lite in one of the most clever commercial series in years. I am wondering if they be able to use new Parcells footage in new commercials.

9: 50 pm: Bad commercial for the Patriots and Giants game for next week. If my dream of an 0-16 season died last weekend then the other dream of 16-0 must also die. No better to kill the dream by watching the Giants who are led by a coach who looks like he is in alcoholic daze beat Coach Hoodie and the Hamster Wheel of Child Support Hero Tom Brady.

10:03 pm: The football gods must be pissed about me dissing both the Patriots and the Dolphins on the same blog again and zapped my computer for ten minutes. Maybe I should move on to another subject.

10:06 pm: I can't stop. I just can't. I want to be the first to say it. Tom Brady has been using HGH since his days at Michigan. There I said it. Forgive me.

10:07 pm: I randomly pick another channel and ended up on the E! Network where they are showing (no joke!!) "The View: The E! True Hollywood Story." The world will be ending soon and the only one left standing will be Barbara Walters. Forgive me.

10:11 pm: On CNN, Anderson Cooper is trying to sound studly when he reads the teaser for the story of the family found in California after being lost in the snow for three days. Anderson overacts so much he should be on "The Young and the Restless." It's like watching Tom Brady host a special on how to behave so badly that the mother of your child does not even want you within 500 miles of the hospital. Just too over the top.

10: 18 pm: Ended up on a bad Kevin Costner movie. Am I wrong in saying that he has only been in one good film during his entire career? Am I wrong? Isn't he the most over rated actor in history?

10:31 pm: The movie gods must be mad about me dissing Kevin Costner and zapped my computer again. I will leave well enough alone this time around. Best not to tempt fate three times or my computer will be zapped for good. Anyways, A&E has one of the best shows on TV with the First 48. Murder investigations from beginning to end with real cops, real bad guys, and real dead people. Not always a happy ending here which makes the show more appealing than "Cop Rock."

10:36 pm: Wow, a murder suspect named "Damien." How perfect.

10:37 pm: ESPN News is reporting that Willie Parker, running back for the Steelers, is out with a broken leg. That news is a grease fire for the Steelers hopes for being able to challenge the Colts and the Evil Empire led by Darth Hoodie for an AFC title. I know. My computer will get zapped again for that comment.

10:39 pm: Was everyone using HGH in Major League Baseball in the late 90's into the mid 00's? I know I was. I used HGH right before my last driver's education test. It did not help. This story is getting old and worse than the Black Sox scandal in the early 1900's.

10:44 pm: The Weather Channel is always interesting. It is currently 42 degrees and a wind of 11 miles per hour. They are talking about a lightning sensor alert system. Never thought one existed. Is there a Tom Brady is impregnating another underwear model alarm? I hope so.

10:46 pm: It's a few minutes before 11 pm. Do you know where your President is?

10:48 pm: The SciFi channel is showing a movie called "Showdown at Area 51." In one scene a bald headed guy is kicking the ass out of a cyborg alien hybrid who looks like Danny DeVito. OK, I made up the Danny DeVito part.

10:50 pm: The Comedy Channel is showing "Napoleon Dynamite." This movie is slowly becoming a classic. Is it my step-daughter's generation's version of "The Breakfast Club?" Probably not, but dangerously close. My favorite scene is when the kids are riding by on the bus and see the old farm dude shoot a cow in the head. Perfect. But I am disturbed. Uncle Rico is one of creepiest characters in recent memory. Serial killer written all over the place.

10:59 pm: The writer's strike has to end soon. I am tired of watching old reruns of "The Daily Show," which I don't watch anyways.

11:00 pm: Headline on local news story: Road Rage. A story of an individual who is trying to make a road into his own private drive way. Good ole Pulaski County!!! That's it I am done.

My Vote For Best Band Of The Year

You probably have never heard of them. Frankly, prior to this summer, neither did I. They started in Brooklyn in the late 90's and released their first album in 2001. They released ambitious albums in 2003 and 2005. In May of this year they released the best album of the year, Boxer, a stunningly beautiful, melodic, dense, and textured set of songs that describe existentialism in the mid-00's like no other. Their influences include country-rock, British pop, Leonard Cohen, folk, and Nick Cave.

The band is called The National.

Led by vocalist, Matt Berninger, and two sets of brothers, The National continued their upward momentum with Boxer that is both full of depth and emotion as well as being melodic and charming to listen all the way through more than once. The lyrics illustrate romanticism mixed with the yearning that comes from a mid-life crisis. The National is one of the only bands who clearly put their drummer front and center as opposed to necessary background dressing.

The hallmark of an excellent album is whether that album has three or less "throw away songs." Throw away songs are simply mediocre or worse filler songs that artists use to fill up to make a whole album. Most artists have at least five or more. Some have eleven or twelve throw away songs after their hit. The fewer the number of throw away songs the better the album. Boxer has no throw away songs. Period.

My more selfish criteria for a great album is whether or not the album represents a soundtrack to my world at the current moment. U2's Achtung Baby is one of my favorite albums because it was the soundtrack of my life in the year that it was released (1991). Incidentally, Achtung Baby had only two throw away songs.

In 2007, I had my "mid-life" crisis. The National's Boxer was my soundtrack.

Who Would Want to Tie This Woman Up?

On another note, today the AP reported that masked robbers broke into Russian tennis star, Anna Chakvetadze's (above) home, tied her up, and robbed the place of thousands of dollars of stuff. Now the fact of the matter is that I wondering why on Earth would anyone want to tie this sweet young woman up for any reason? I'd like to have been in the room when the geniuses came up with this idea. This is how it may have gone down:

Moscow Thug #1: Let's rob her crib. She's gotta have a bunch a junk lying around.
Moscow Thug #2: She might even be there when we hit the joint.
Moscow Thug #3: Well, we'll just have to tie her up.
Moscow Thug #1: Why?
Moscow Thug #2: Da! Why?
Moscow Thug #3: We just do. Tie her up. We've got guns and knives. She might have a tennis racket. She's dangerous. So we must tie her up. Have you seen her picture? Why wouldn't we tie her up?
Moscow Thug #2: But, we are only robbing the place. She is just a tennis player.
Moscow Thug #3: She's hot. She's dangerous. We have to tie her up.

You get the picture. Pure genius is the hallmark of Russian mobsters. Evident in this episode. Now does anyone need me to remind you that Moscow is the most corrupt violent city in the world?

Is $42 Million More Enough?

Last week, Virginia Governor Tim Kaine announced his proposal for adding an additional $42 million dollars in help shore help the state's mental health system. The money is designed to add more case managers, psychiatrists, and other staff to the work force of the already overwhelmed and jaded public mental health system. This infusion was in direct response to the massacre at Virginia Tech this past spring. To be honest, I am not sure how I feel about this proposal. The Commonwealth of Virginia after years of budget prosperity is operating at a deficit to the point where the state began cutting operating budgets from five to ten percent. These cuts included the Virginia Department of Mental Health, Mental Retardation, and Substance Abuse Services (DMHMRSAS). People at that department were offered early retirement, positions empty locked, and positions simply abolished. So on one side to hear a proposal that adds $42 million to the system instead of no increases or cutbacks is a welcome sight. But, is it enough to save a sinking ship? Is it enough to eliminate the problem of the lack of inpatient psychiatric bed space for patients who truly need hospitalization who eventually stay in hospital emergency rooms for 24 to 72 hours at a time waiting for a bed? No, because the money is not meant for addressing the issue. Additionally, the proposed changes in the commitment law to lower the standard used to indicate the potential dangerousness of a patient diagnosed with a mental health or substance abuse condition will increase the number of individuals needing a hospital bed. With no increased bed capacity that will lead to patients who are evaluated and judged as dangerous waiting in hospital ERs and in many cases waiting at home with easy access to guns and drugs. Is it enough to significantly improve outpatient service capacity across the state? No, because there are currently forty community service boards (CSBs) across Virginia. If the $42 million was split evenly across all the boards it would add slightly over a million dollars to their budgets. The smaller Boards would be impacted significantly by this in the positive. The larger Boards would have the infusion of new money be just an insignificant trickle in their operating budgets. The money will likely be allocated based on the size of the Boards thus, sending additional money spread out very thinly across the state. It is also quite possible that the increase in funding for case managers could be offset by changes in Medicaid reimbursement for the service from the current monthly bundled rate to a strictly fee for service system that pays based on fifteen minute service increments. One colleague at a small CSB advised me that this change would result in a $2 million reduction in funds. That reduction would be greater at a larger CSB. In the end, the additional money to add more case managers, psychiatrists, emergency services clinicians, and other staff could reduce the long waiting lists for outpatient care, improve the monitoring and support for individuals in the community who suffer from a mental illness or substance abuse disorder, and provide more doctor time available for psychiatric patients. These are all welcome signs, but is it enough to make a difference? Is it enough to totally stop a Virginia Tech-like massacre from ever happening again?

In the end, I will support the increases as the increases are better than the alternatives. The alternatives are continued scant funding for mental health, substance abuse, and mental retardation services that puts Virginia at the bottom of the country in this area. The alternative is budget cuts that will make matters exponentially worse. The alternative is trying to keep the sinking ship afloat with less and less workers willing to stay in the field trying to shore up the holes. The alternative is ignoring the people that will be affected the most by what is decided: our consumers of behavioral health care.

Anyways, my mother taught me to never bite the hand that feeds me.

3 Out of 4 Isn't Bad

Peterson runs for 78 yards and two TD's tonight which puts me into the finals in three out of four fantasy leagues this year. This is amazing as my piss poor ISP kicked me out of the draft in two out of the three live drafts I was in. I will not be favored to win any of the three title match-ups, but neither were the Ravens last weekend. I am stick mad over the Dolphins choking away their 0-16 run.

Sad day for Miami

I was sitting in my house, watching the ticker. The ticker on the bottom of the screen that states the scores, the fantasy numbers, and how much time is left. My cat was trying to eat my Christmas tree. My thoughts were on the Ravens. Not the birds in my yard. Not Poe. The Baltimore Ravens. I was worried. My dream of the Miami Dolphins going 0-16 was at risk. The Ravens on a losing streak of their own. Kyle Boller at quarterback, which is always cause for concern. Always. The only fantasy team that I have in a prize league about to choke away the playoffs in the last moment because Jessica had to show up at the game with a Romo jersey like it was eleventh grade, or fourth, or whatever. I saw that the Ravens were once ahead by ten. Great. Then the dream died slowly. The genius that is Billick decides to go for the tie. From the one inch line. OK. I can live with that. They get the ball in OT. They get down field and with all of Cuba knowing that they are going to run the ball they get nowhere. OK. So they send Stover out. He's pretty good. After he is iced he hooks it. Now at this point I knew it was over. I had to go to Wal-Mart to get wrapping paper and cat litter. God, my life is boring. I knew it was over. The dream of the greatest season ever was dying. The dream. 0-16. 0-16. I had dreamed it like Keith Richards dreams of a cocaine mixer. It was going away. So I get in the car to crank out the satellite radio to listen to the game. I turn the key. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am screaming in my car as I hear the Dolphins broadcasters screaming as if they won the Super Bowl announce they had scored a game winning touchdown and the score: The final. 22-16 Dolphins. At this point, I was thinking about getting the "special cat litter" from the guy on the corner next to my Wal-Mart . You know that guy. He is wearing a baseball hat symbolizes that he belongs to maybe the Crips, or the Latin Kings, or something. He's got the "special cat litter." I change my mind since I happen to enjoy living and go into Wal-Mart which in my town is like a scene from Dante's Inferno or the Heart of Darkness. I have to say that Brian Billick gave us all a huge lesson in life. That lesson in life is: Never, ever, ever, ever in life go for the tie when a victory is certain.

I was thinking though how sad it must be that the Dolphins won. The reason is that now no one will talk about Miami anymore in the present tense. They won a game. One game. That is enough to be ignored. Not bad enough and not good enough to be talked about. The only time we get to hear about Miami is when the Dolphins are compared to the Patriots. This leads me to another thought. I really wish that someone associated with their fabled 1972 team would actually say something important, something daring, something that makes us gasp and then stick to it. If it were me I would say: "The Patriots are cheaters. Coach Hoodie is a jerk. Randy smokes tree. Tom is a gerbil on a wheel of child support and I hope he gets run over by a bus tomorrow and I am sticking to this story." Coach Nutri-System had his chance. He made a statement and then recanted. Again, never ever ever go for a tie in life when victory is certain. Ever.


Above you see the skyline of the city that I call "home." A city that I do not live in anymore. But a city that hold my heart as I lived there for close to ten years which is twice as long as I lived anywhere else. The city is Richmond, Virginia if you can't tell. No L.A. or Cleveland.