Your Fox Household Update

In the Fox household there have been some stunning changes that have lead to the major superpowers in the home to renew their treaty of cooperation and security. As the forces of change have whipped through the household, we have come together where one year ago we were many miles apart. A year ago, we were in the midst of an icy cold war that often led to full hostilities that sent everything into a tailspin. The tailspin could have easily led to a nuclear winter that we have never seen previously. However, we had a challenge. A challenge to ourselves, each other, and the family as a whole to keep us together without simply destroying each other and ourselves. The family had developed deep cracks that threatened to swallow us whole in a vacuum. "Russia" (my significant other) began several months ago a period of warmth and understanding that had not been seen for a couple of years. The "United States" (me) got fed up with the sabre rattling, spinning itself into free fall, and posturing that he had been doing in response to the icy response from "Russia" and began a period of openness and communication that had not been seen in years as well. It had gotten ugly for a while and there was a lot of drift and a lot of resentment. Each of us acted out towards one another and to the world at large out of pain, loneliness, and temptations. Just months ago the tanks were ready to roll all over the map. Now, there is peace, harmony, and happiness. There are always threats. There will always be challenges. We have overcome the past challenges. We are at peace now with each other. We are in a renewed period of love, friendship, compassion, empathy, responsibility, and dedication. This renewal led us to take a rather faithful step. The faithful step of putting the past behind us. To forgive each other and ourselves for any damage that we may have caused. To let go of past hurts. To remember what brought us together in the first place. As a result, the treaty has been renewed. It was renewed with the world watching. With the world literally putting their hands on us and putting us back together. The world does not completely know how close the end was. Or how close we were to an irrevocable war that could have led to horrendous losses. Some know the journey that I took in the last year and half where I looked into the canyon, played with fire, dealt head-on with the demons of my past and my present, and walked away from the cliff. The journey that my wife has taken was in many ways a sharp contrast, but in many ways a glaring parallel journey that led her to a new world. She has come full circle. I have not completely come full circle, yet. My journey back has not been completed. I am still struggling with issues from the past. From my past. From my own fears. Again, even yesterday, I was reminded that the circle is not completed. I am not all the way back. My demons have not yet been completely put to rest. This time around I am getting more support. This support was not existent over a year ago. I will complete the circle and reinvent myself again as I have many many times before. The "US"-"Russia" cold war is officially over--in our house. After drifting apart in separate worlds and lives, times have changed. We are back together. Stronger than ever. Now, if Russia and the U.S. in our larger world could ever reach the same place we have then the larger world would be a better place.

On The Loose

It is about 10:45 pm Eastern Time and I am overlooking the ocean, half-drunk on damn fine beer, and chatting up the woman in the hotel room next to mine.  It's true.  I am on the loose in Virginia Beach at another conference.  I am all about conferences in locales that also double as resorts.  This is perfect.  The hotel I am at is a distance from the VABeach Boardwalk, which from my oceanfront balcony are glimmering orange lights in the distance.  I am watching F-16 fighter jets buzz the hotel up the street on their way to crash their planes into the Naval Base nearly five miles away.  Boy, the fire is terrific.  The wind has picked up and the salt air feels just like...salt air.  I need more beer.  I'll be right back.

It is now past 10:45 pm.  Still on a hotel balcony overlooking the ocean.  I am still aware of some of my senses.  I can still read the keyboard though I have an overwhelming need to take my clothes off and try to jump into the pool from the balcony.  This explains all those deaths at spring break from people jumping off balconies.  They are drunk and thinking they can fly.  

I just watched Kobe Bryant pick up his first career NBA MVP Award.  I think the whole thing is completely off-base.  Kobe is one of the best players in the league.  He is a Hall of Fame player on the first ballot.  He has a number of rings.  Yet, this year he is not even the MVP of his team.  The MVP on his team is actually Pau Gasol.  In fact, Kobe should just hand over his trophy to Pau right there on the court.  If it was not for Pau then Kobe would be watching Chris Paul of the Hornets lift the award to a bunch of screaming hooligans and an owner who is a sleaze bag in The Big Easy.  Up until the trade that brought Pau to LA, the Lakers were a middle of the road Western Conference team with few folk thinking they could win the title.  Now, the Lakers are a #1 seed in the toughest conference and the team to beat (next to the Celtics) for the title.  Pau gave the Lakers an inside athletic presence and another option on the floor.  Teams could no longer just key on Bryant in order to make someone else beat them.  All the other starters in the floor for the Lakers were shaky and inconsistent at being to provide the help the Kobe needed to lead the Lakers to a higher level than a 45 win team.  Gasol has the athleticism to play in the middle, in the paint, and to clog up the middle on defense.  He has been consistent throughout his time in gang title town which is much more than anyone else on the floor could say (except Kobe).  Furthermore, I am opposed to Kobe getting the MVP when he was openly trying to get himself traded to anywhere but Atlanta because he did not like his team, his coach, and his bosses.  He slammed everyone all summer and now he's the MVP.  What's next?  Naming Roger Clemens as the AL Cy Young this year?

Can someone tell me why I am attracted to women who are completely unavailable at any deeper level?  I chase women who are emotionally, sexually, or intellectually unavailable on a consistent basis (or at all!!!).  This is so ridiculous.  If she is absolutely unavailable (and pretty and smart) then I am attracted to her like a gerbil to a wheel or an addict to a needle.I know that it is totally insane to do this.  However, I have done it more times than I can count.  The worst part of it is that I have married someone who fits this twice already.  Is there a point where I would learn not to commit myself to those people who are not able to commit fully to me?  Is this too much to ask for myself?  I should never be let loose alone in a city with access to beer and women.  Period.  It's bad news in the end.  Trust me.  Gone there too many times and have the cut marks (from broken beer bottles and steak knives) to prove it.  

11:10 pm:  All is quiet.  Except the waves of regret and passion smashing into the shores of my consciousness.  Good grief.  I am a dope.

11:11 pm: When will my neighbor next store come back?  She seems interesting and attractive (and probably totally unavailable, which obviously means that I am in to her even though I just met her thirty minutes ago).  I need to stop.

11:13 pm: The planes have learned their lessons about crashing into the local naval base causing such a beautiful fire.  They have stopped flying all together.  Now I can only hear the waves, the wind, and my sanity crashing on the concrete below.  FORE!!

11:16 pm: What the hell am I doing here?  Where did the UFO come from?  Cut!!!

1:00 am:  What have I been doing for the last hour and a half or so?  Talking to the attractive and interesting woman next store.  That's what.  Also, adding more beers and cigarettes to the mounting count.  Who is counting?  I stopped somewhere around one awhile back.  I am trying to figure out when I need to wake up in the morning to have some visual and physical sanity left.  During my conversation that bordered on being flirty (Is this even a word?) with the woman next store (I am not mentioning names) the battery died on the laptop.  So now I am pathetically typing as the battery is being recharged.  This is the curse of bloggers with laptops.  I did have fun talking to the woman next store (and, yes, it appears that she is also unavailable...I told you...I'm attracted to the unavailable...it's a curse.  I can go hundreds of miles from home and it will still be the same...told you!)

1:10 am:  I forgot.

1:12 am: Uh...I still forgot.

1:15 am: What would happen if?

1:16 am: Don't even think about it.  I know how the mind works.  It twists things into beautiful patterns of rationalizations and innuendos.  It happens every time.  Just stop now.

Go to sleep.

1:18 am: I just remembered what I wanted to write about.  The primaries in North Carolina and Indiana were yesterday.  Oprah Obama won in North Carolina easily and almost pulled out of dramatic comeback in Indiana.  I hate to say it, but I think it is time to end this Democratic race.  I really did not want anyone to pull out because the race was so close.  I have been torn about all the candidates.  However, the writing is on the wall.  Whitewater Hillary is not going to win.  The math does not pan out in her favor.  Eventually, Obama is going to get the delegates that he needs to win the nomination.  It is time for Hillary to bow out.  This was not her year.  We all thought at one point that it would be.  We all planned that she would run in 2008 and she could win it all.  Tough luck and a Kennedy like speaker figure rose from the ranks in rapid succession (you could see it coming as far back as 2002).   I remember when Obama won the election to get into Congress.  I heard him speak and it reminded me of a Kennedy speaking.  It was uplifting, eloquent, and inspiring.  I knew then that many years later he would be on the verge of a big-time White House run.  I said to myself: "He could be President and he, too, could diddle an intern with a cigar."  It is time for Hillary (who also had her own vision for dealing with interns) to fold.  The Dems should now rally together to win what should be an easy election.

1:26 am:  I have done enough for one night.

 

Relationship Rule #5: Watch What You Don't Say

Communication is seen as an essential piece in the cog of a functional relationship. However, it goes deeper than that. We all communicate with our partners and significant others. We do it all the time every day and every moment that we are with our loved one (or mistress or dominatrix, well, maybe not your dominatrix who won't let you look at her anyways). There are two main forms of communication. There is verbal communication which is what we say (or don't say). Then there is non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is our body language, eye contact, and facial expressions that tell the other person the messages that we may be unable or unwilling to say with our true voice. Most will say that our non-verbal communication is really our true voice (just ask our buddy Bill Belichick) because a lot of our non-verbal communication is sub-conscious (or slightly below our awareness in the moment). It is also very powerful in how it effects those around us. A defensive posture (arms crossed showing we are closed to the other person) suggests being stand offish and not open to listening. You don't want to do this when your partner is talking about renewing your vows, offering sex, or telling you that your son ran off with a weather cult as it will likely put (and piss) them off even if it is not your intent. If you choose (or not choose) to not make eye contact with your partner he/she may feel that you are either not listening or not telling the truth. If you maintain eye contact then it communicates that are you listening, paying attention, and more likely to tell the truth. One bit of an aside here, just because someone makes eye contact with you does not always mean they are telling the truth. This has more to do with where and how they are using their eyes. If your hands are on your lap and you leaning slightly forward towards your partner then that suggests openness and welcoming communication with the other person. Your facial expressions are quite telling as well. Grimacing or having a scowl on your face when your partner is trying to talk to you is a recipe for having an open invite to sleep in the garage. You can make a scowl or grimace only if your partner says something that suggests that is the appropriate response. An example is if your partner tells you that they wrapped your Ferrari around a power transformer. This should cause a grimace or other angry look on your face. A facial expression that is appropriate smiling and warm will communicate that you are open to listening and sharing information. Studies involving parents and their newborn babies illustrate the power of non-verbal communication. When the mothers or fathers would make eye contact, smile, and have open body posture with their baby then the baby would smile, giggle, and make eye contact. When the parents showed no eye contact, had no expression or a scowl on their face, and closed body postures then the baby would cry incessantly. The researchers offered that 94% of the impact positively or negatively in communication was the non-verbal communication. Thus, proving a point that how you say something is more important then what you said. The best person to help you become more aware of your non-verbal communication is your partner. Ask your significant other how they perceive and feel about your non-verbal communication. Try to be open to the answer as it may be a surprise to you, but it will also be helpful in improving your relationship. Awareness of something is always the first step to change.

Other random rants:

The writers strike needs to end soon. I don't know a lot of the details and who is mad at who and who won't sit with who in the cafeteria, but to me it does not matter. What matters is that TV viewers of our favorite shows are now being held hostage by a guy who drinks 29 shots of vodka in one sitting and has not slept since 1987. These are our TV writers who are holding us hostage as our favorite shows are now in re-run status out of production. We are now getting game show and reality TV overload which will eventually do more damage to the TV industry than the 1994 baseball strike did to baseball. I turned on network TV tonight and found two game shows and American Idol. I realize that these types of shows are quite popular. However, one of my philosophical points is that too much of anything is always bad. We will reach that point very soon. If we reach that point then I am pulling an Elvis and shooting my TV for good and then I will be drinking 29 shots of vodka and not sleeping, which is pretty much what I am doing now anyways.

Read the news today and found out that the coroner report on Ike Turner came out. Cause of death: Cocaine overdose. Now remember that Ike was 76 when he died. Of course, the fact that Ike died of a cocaine overdose is no surprise. If it was a surprise to you then you really should only be allowed to watch VH1.

Speaking of VH1, I was at a friend's house last night and saw parts of Celebrity Rehab. No, I am not kidding. No, I am not talking about Celebrity Fit Club. No we're talking about rehab. Drug and alcohol rehab. Now mostly everybody there was virtually unrecognizable from when they were really famous. The folks there also have mostly (with maybe one exception) been relegated to D-List status. Of course, one of the reasons they may have hit D-list status is because of the drugs and booze. However, watching one of the untalented Baldwin brothers (they all probably need some sort of help) discussing the possibility that he could have cocaine in his fat cells left me wondering: why am I watching this? This is like watching a twenty-five car pile-up over and over. Or watching re-runs of Ellen or watching midget porn. Disturbing, but riveting at the same time. Let me know when Gary Coleman or one of the members of the band Poison show up.

I want to thank everyone for contributing to my Presidential campaign for 2012. We are off to a great start and only $50,000,000 behind Hilary. We are well on our way. I guess I need a platform or something to run on. I'll go with the Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite plan: "A vote for me and all your wishes will come true" or something like that.

Relationship Rule #145: Don't Make A Sex Tape

There are many rules in relationships. Some involve toothpaste, toilet paper, communication, and trust. I have come tonight to state another one: Don't ever ever ever make a sex tape. The are many solid reasons to not make a sex tape. First, no one really wants to see it beside those who made it (and even that part is questionable). Case in point, this week Amy Fisher, famous only for shooting her lover's wife in the face as a teenager, reached an agreement with a production company so that her sex tape that she made with her husband can be promoted and released. This is the last thing that anyone really needs or wants who does not have some sort of pathological fetish or some other sexual disorder. I would rather watch endless episodes of "Knight Rider" or "The Fact of Life" then watching an Amy Fisher (or anyone else's) sex tape. Another reason for not having a sex tape is you can lose control over it when things goes bad. Amy Fisher stated that her husband sold the tape to the production company when they were in a "rocky" part of their relationship. In other words, "my husband got mad at me for burning the pancakes in the fireplace, slamming the Honda into a pole, and shaving the words "kick me" on the dog so he's going to take our sex tape to be sold by a production company run by Tony Soprano." She and her husband (the stars of their absurd love fest) reported that they have now reconciled. Obviously, these two must be made for each other. Point is: when things go bad your "romantic" love fest caught on tape can end up in someone's hands (literally). When this happens, anything happens. Next thing you know the sex tape ends up on YouPorn (yes, this site actually does exist) or sold to someone in the porn industry. At that point, it can't be erased (especially after it has been downloaded about 3 million times in Thailand alone). My last point on this subject is if your relationship needs to have a sex tape to "spice things up" then your relationship is already in trouble (which could lead to the first two reasons). If you have to cheapen and demean your relationship by making porn to add a little flavor then your relationship is crippled. One of my cardinal rules in a relationship is do not let things get boring. There are a number of ways to keep things interesting that do not involve manufacturing porn. Go on a vacation. Go out on the town. Go out on a date (with each other). Have a food fight. Look for UFO's. Exercise together. Start a hobby together (that does not involve manufacturing porn). If you have to go that level then your relationship has gotten so empty, stale, and pointless that it needs to end. There are many ways to spice things up in the bedroom besides making something that could end up downloaded by 5.5 million people in Russia alone.

Other Notes On The Weekend:

I was a full 0-4 picking this weekend's Wild Card match-ups. This is why I am posting inane irreverent blogs and not on TV picking games. Luckily, I had no money on any of these games or I would be selling plasma tomorrow. I have to hand it to the Jaguars for managing to weather the comeback by the Steelers in the fourth quarter. As the Steelers were coming back, you could see them lose composure. They were screaming at the refs, getting into smack-offs with the Steelers players, and making multiple mental errors. However, on 4th and 2, Gerrard managed to gallop his way into field goal territory for the winning kick at the most critical point in the game. I had erroneously predicted that he would not hold up under the pressure. I will say (and this is unique for me) that I was dead wrong. He may have been the only player on Jacksonville's team to hold it together at the moment. Luckily, he had the ball in his hands. What I also failed to realize is that Coach Tomlin for the Steelers would be chasing two point conversions that he did not need when it matters most. A playoff rookie coach mistake. These mistakes cost him and his team the game.
Did anyone notice that huge smiles on the faces of Eli Manning and Norv Turner at the end of their games? Looked like they had pulled off robbing a casino. They definitely got the monkeys off their backs this weekend.