Zito Wins!!! Zito Wins!!!

Finally, Zito Wins!!! The most expensive pitching victory ever...clocking in at around 14.8 million dollars. Break out the well aged swiss. More on Zito later.

As the Memorial Day holiday comes to a close and the summer season of discontent begins, I am feeling relaxed as I have had a decent weekend for a change. I have relaxed for three full days, caught some sun, drank beer, and read a rather outstanding new book by a new writer. I will write more about this in a future post. However, the title of the book is Child 44 (hit the link to go to the Barnes and Noble site). Trust me that this is the best novel I have read in several years. You have heard of books that are "page turners"? This is one of them.

The DefCon level in the Fox household has continued to go down. It is now at a DefCon 4. This is the best level that it has been at for several months. I am not sure what to make of it. All of the superpowers (and wanna-be superpowers) are getting along as well as could be expected. The Russian embassy was open for visitors over the weekend. There has been no talk of spies, pandas, giant spiders, nuclear weapons, or any dissolution of treaties. Kim Jong Il is a bit calmer these days. (S)he actually asked for my opinion on something worthwhile. As per my new style, I spoke the truth with very little held back. This tactic works better for me. It is a lot better that people around me know exactly where I stand and where they stand as well. I owe a lot of this to new found mental and physical energy that I have not had in years. My mental faculties are no longer "mush." I am now the sharpest I have ever been. This, of course, means that any one that I write about in this blog had better watch out because I'm coming and nothing is going to stop me. Not even a pregnant (maybe?) bichon frise dog.

I have also managed to lose 35 pounds in the last four months. I have even switched to "light" beer. That is like switching from DIY blunts to filtered cigarettes for me. Good times. Really. I had to go to a smaller pant size because my originals were falling off. OK, everyone stop being jealous. It is perfectly possible to be a complete train wreck and lose 35 pounds. It's called doing meth.

I am hoping not to catch too much grief on my last post regarding Whitewater Hillary's South Dakota RFK assassination reference. I really believe that I am openly speaking the truth about a dark fear that many people close to the campaigns have. That is, that there are forces at work who absolutely do not want either Obama or Hillary to be President and not because they are necessarily Republican. It's because they do not want America to be run by a black man or a white woman. Period. I refuse to believe that their campaigns have not gotten some sort of notice that there are possible security and safety threats out there beyond the typical "I want to knock off a President" killer. P.S. to the Secret Service---I did not reference that I wanted to knock off anyone. Thanks. I will expect your customary letter.

People have written me recently asking about what I have been listening to recently. I am happy to say that I will be devoting a whole segment on this soon. I have found some interesting music in the last few months. Check out a band called MGMT. Interesting stuff. Their song "Time to Pretend" is my new anthem.

Now for your update:

ANDRUW JONES

Well, Andruw is now on the 15-day DL for a busted up knee that he has having surgery on tomorrow. I suspect that he will be out of action for several weeks. This means I will need to find another unsuspecting underachieving millionaire baseball player to hassle. Any suggestions?

AVG.: .165 HR: 2 RBI: 7 OBP: .273 SLG: .271

Andruw's replacement in CF you ask?

MATT KEMP

AVG.: .315 HR: 3 RBI: 28 OBP: .361 SLG: .458

Salary? $406,000.

BARRY ZITO

Two worlds collided this past week. Not the Lohan-Spears feud that could lead to both families to check into adjoining rooms at the next Surreal World house. Wouldn't that be something if VH1 could pull that off? That would be great. On one side of house would be the Lohan family and the other side the Spears family. The prize for the family that stays in the house the longest is a years supply of Lithium and cocaine. No, the two worlds that collided was Barry Zito and the Florida Marlins this past week as Barry finally got his first win of the season. It was not a cheap win either. He threw 108 pitches in 6 1/3 innings while giving up only one earned run and three hits.

W-L: 1-8 ERA: 5.65 SO: 27 WHIP: 1.80

On another baseball note, Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves is currently batting over .400. I am debating using him as the replacement Jones on this weekly update, but I am afraid that it will just jinx him. Thoughts are welcome.

The (Un)Spoken Fear

Whitewater Hillary put her foot in her mouth in South Dakota this past week suggesting that she was going to continue to fight on in the Democratic nomination race into June because her husband did not clinch until June in 1992 and that Robert Kennedy was also assassinated in June in California. Maureen Dowd in her New York Times column this weekend suggested that Hillary was merely pointing out that she is staying in the race because "stuff happens."


She's right. Stuff does happen. Scandals erupt. Candidates trip up. They end up in You Tube videos making racist comments. They end up with pictures of them smoking crack. However, Waterwater Hillary was actually spilling, in a fatigued stressful moment, a latent fear that many people have regarding this election cycle that no one was willing to speak about.


Oprah Obama has been compared throughout the campaign as the next Robert Kennedy or the next John Kennedy. People have made this comparison on two levels. In 1960, no body thought that America was ready to elect a Roman Catholic president. But, America did. John Kennedy infused a avalanche of hope and energy to a America that sorely needed a change. This is the second level that Oprah Obama is also riding on. He has infused energy, hope, and change into this election that has not been seen since 1968 when RFK had the nomination in hand and met his tragic fate. Obama comes to this election cycle at a time where change is desperately needed just as it was needed in 1960. No one can or should deny the impact of the result of all of this hope and change that was advertised by JFK and RFK. America has not been the same since the deaths of RFK and Martin Luther King Jr. in the spring of 1968. However, the similarities are stunning. Again, America has now been wrestling with questions regarding whether or not we, as a nation, are ready. This time for an African-American or a woman to be President (a much bigger issue than religion). It would be incredibly delusional for anyone to believe that there are not elements, dark and sinister, in America who would not only not ever vote for a black man or a woman as President, but would stop at nothing to make sure it never happened.


I am not suggesting that anything tragic will happen, but it has been in the back of people's minds. The Secret Service issued a security cardon to Oprah Obama in March, which is the earliest that a cardon was ever issued to a candidate. Whether or not this was done as a direct result to an identifiable threat is unknown, but it is clear that there is a fear factor involved.


Both Obama and Clinton are trying to make history by breaking through a ceiling that very few people thought would be broken in their lifetime. They are both the closest to get within reach of that ceiling in our history. History has shown us, over and over, that people who are trying to break through the racial or gender ceiling that was dominated by one ethic group or demographic did so in the face of incredible odds as well as threats of violence. We should again learn from history and understand that in these historic yet dangerous times that we have two high profile candidates who are in the same boat with their historic predecessors. I suspect that given the historic context that Clinton and Obama are operating under that they have both been subject to threats and other security concerns. Not only because they are candidates for President, but because, sadly, of their gender or race.


Many columnists are roasting Hillary this weekend, but I am not. Though her comments were ill-timed and unfortunate, I am not inclined to destroy her for it. I believe that her statement was a reflection of an unconscious fear that as her and her opponent march towards that glass ceiling that the road may be filled with hidden real dangers. It is history that we must learn from in this case or we may have to relearn it all over again.

On The Loose

It is about 10:45 pm Eastern Time and I am overlooking the ocean, half-drunk on damn fine beer, and chatting up the woman in the hotel room next to mine.  It's true.  I am on the loose in Virginia Beach at another conference.  I am all about conferences in locales that also double as resorts.  This is perfect.  The hotel I am at is a distance from the VABeach Boardwalk, which from my oceanfront balcony are glimmering orange lights in the distance.  I am watching F-16 fighter jets buzz the hotel up the street on their way to crash their planes into the Naval Base nearly five miles away.  Boy, the fire is terrific.  The wind has picked up and the salt air feels just like...salt air.  I need more beer.  I'll be right back.

It is now past 10:45 pm.  Still on a hotel balcony overlooking the ocean.  I am still aware of some of my senses.  I can still read the keyboard though I have an overwhelming need to take my clothes off and try to jump into the pool from the balcony.  This explains all those deaths at spring break from people jumping off balconies.  They are drunk and thinking they can fly.  

I just watched Kobe Bryant pick up his first career NBA MVP Award.  I think the whole thing is completely off-base.  Kobe is one of the best players in the league.  He is a Hall of Fame player on the first ballot.  He has a number of rings.  Yet, this year he is not even the MVP of his team.  The MVP on his team is actually Pau Gasol.  In fact, Kobe should just hand over his trophy to Pau right there on the court.  If it was not for Pau then Kobe would be watching Chris Paul of the Hornets lift the award to a bunch of screaming hooligans and an owner who is a sleaze bag in The Big Easy.  Up until the trade that brought Pau to LA, the Lakers were a middle of the road Western Conference team with few folk thinking they could win the title.  Now, the Lakers are a #1 seed in the toughest conference and the team to beat (next to the Celtics) for the title.  Pau gave the Lakers an inside athletic presence and another option on the floor.  Teams could no longer just key on Bryant in order to make someone else beat them.  All the other starters in the floor for the Lakers were shaky and inconsistent at being to provide the help the Kobe needed to lead the Lakers to a higher level than a 45 win team.  Gasol has the athleticism to play in the middle, in the paint, and to clog up the middle on defense.  He has been consistent throughout his time in gang title town which is much more than anyone else on the floor could say (except Kobe).  Furthermore, I am opposed to Kobe getting the MVP when he was openly trying to get himself traded to anywhere but Atlanta because he did not like his team, his coach, and his bosses.  He slammed everyone all summer and now he's the MVP.  What's next?  Naming Roger Clemens as the AL Cy Young this year?

Can someone tell me why I am attracted to women who are completely unavailable at any deeper level?  I chase women who are emotionally, sexually, or intellectually unavailable on a consistent basis (or at all!!!).  This is so ridiculous.  If she is absolutely unavailable (and pretty and smart) then I am attracted to her like a gerbil to a wheel or an addict to a needle.I know that it is totally insane to do this.  However, I have done it more times than I can count.  The worst part of it is that I have married someone who fits this twice already.  Is there a point where I would learn not to commit myself to those people who are not able to commit fully to me?  Is this too much to ask for myself?  I should never be let loose alone in a city with access to beer and women.  Period.  It's bad news in the end.  Trust me.  Gone there too many times and have the cut marks (from broken beer bottles and steak knives) to prove it.  

11:10 pm:  All is quiet.  Except the waves of regret and passion smashing into the shores of my consciousness.  Good grief.  I am a dope.

11:11 pm: When will my neighbor next store come back?  She seems interesting and attractive (and probably totally unavailable, which obviously means that I am in to her even though I just met her thirty minutes ago).  I need to stop.

11:13 pm: The planes have learned their lessons about crashing into the local naval base causing such a beautiful fire.  They have stopped flying all together.  Now I can only hear the waves, the wind, and my sanity crashing on the concrete below.  FORE!!

11:16 pm: What the hell am I doing here?  Where did the UFO come from?  Cut!!!

1:00 am:  What have I been doing for the last hour and a half or so?  Talking to the attractive and interesting woman next store.  That's what.  Also, adding more beers and cigarettes to the mounting count.  Who is counting?  I stopped somewhere around one awhile back.  I am trying to figure out when I need to wake up in the morning to have some visual and physical sanity left.  During my conversation that bordered on being flirty (Is this even a word?) with the woman next store (I am not mentioning names) the battery died on the laptop.  So now I am pathetically typing as the battery is being recharged.  This is the curse of bloggers with laptops.  I did have fun talking to the woman next store (and, yes, it appears that she is also unavailable...I told you...I'm attracted to the unavailable...it's a curse.  I can go hundreds of miles from home and it will still be the same...told you!)

1:10 am:  I forgot.

1:12 am: Uh...I still forgot.

1:15 am: What would happen if?

1:16 am: Don't even think about it.  I know how the mind works.  It twists things into beautiful patterns of rationalizations and innuendos.  It happens every time.  Just stop now.

Go to sleep.

1:18 am: I just remembered what I wanted to write about.  The primaries in North Carolina and Indiana were yesterday.  Oprah Obama won in North Carolina easily and almost pulled out of dramatic comeback in Indiana.  I hate to say it, but I think it is time to end this Democratic race.  I really did not want anyone to pull out because the race was so close.  I have been torn about all the candidates.  However, the writing is on the wall.  Whitewater Hillary is not going to win.  The math does not pan out in her favor.  Eventually, Obama is going to get the delegates that he needs to win the nomination.  It is time for Hillary to bow out.  This was not her year.  We all thought at one point that it would be.  We all planned that she would run in 2008 and she could win it all.  Tough luck and a Kennedy like speaker figure rose from the ranks in rapid succession (you could see it coming as far back as 2002).   I remember when Obama won the election to get into Congress.  I heard him speak and it reminded me of a Kennedy speaking.  It was uplifting, eloquent, and inspiring.  I knew then that many years later he would be on the verge of a big-time White House run.  I said to myself: "He could be President and he, too, could diddle an intern with a cigar."  It is time for Hillary (who also had her own vision for dealing with interns) to fold.  The Dems should now rally together to win what should be an easy election.

1:26 am:  I have done enough for one night.