Your NFL Picks

I am on-call again.  I got called at 4:30 this morning by an ER doc who wanted to make a referral for Monday.  I love this job!  On one hand I was glad that I could go back to sleep.  On the other hand, there was no point in waking me up at that hour to start with.  That's the problem with night shift folks.  They believe since they are up that everyone else should get up too and join the fun.  I had a family member who would only work the night shift in the hospital.  He stated that on night shift the administration is not there to mess with you and you can definitely get away with stuff on shift that would get you fired during the day.  Like getting oral sex in a closet, smoking crack or gambling at craps.  OK, you have a good point there.  

I sent a letter to Bill Simmons concerning my idea to turn MLB into the English Premier League which has not been answered.  I suspect that it will not get answered as he probably got 100,000 letters just like mine saying the exact same thing.  I guess I'll have to take the case to court or something. I use my cat, Mick, as my attorney. He would be damn good. He knows exactly how to prepare briefs and motions. The only problem is that I don't think he passed the bar. I guess I might have to defend myself. I can't pay his fees anyways. But, I do have Dippy who definitely knows how to handle himself in a court room. He just will need to make sure that he does not wear his blood and semen stained pirate bear outfit.

Now for my pro picks.  According the wonderful folks at wagerline.com I am six games under .500 in my NFL picks for the year so far.  I am 49% against the spread and over/under picks combined.  That puts me over 9000 units in the hole and in the 6th percentile of everyone else.  So in two weeks I have earned back over 1000 units.  If Mick was making the picks I am sure that he would be on top of the leaderboard up about 15,000 units.  He is absolutely gifted at making picks.  Last night he picked the Nuggets to beat the Celtics and the Lakers to lose to Detroit.  He was right on both counts.  The likelihood that this was going to occur was around 32-1.  I've gotta go with his picks more often or take him to Vegas to count cards.

Denver at Atlanta (-6.5)

OK, Atlanta is a good team.  They have a good formula for victory.  They are now getting some national attention.  They have done much better than anyone expected.  Matt Ryan could be the second coming of...of...of...who knows.  Denver has been underachieving.  They have a good quarterback who has been cooling off.  I do not know who is running the ball for them and they have a terrible pass defense.   When I first saw this game on the schedule I penciled in a twenty plus point loss.  Not today.  Take Atlanta and the points.

Mick:  Atlanta

Oakland at Miami (-10)

This game is much more interesting than it seems.  Miami is actually a decent team.  Ricky Williams is doing well.  They run gimmick plays.  Chad Pennington is their quarterback, but they have pretty much stayed in every game win or lose.  They are favored by a good margin.  However, they're playing the Raiders.  The Raiders continue to prove that they are the biggest train wreck in all of football.  They are a bigger wreck than the Lions and Rams.  Only the dumpster grease fire that are the Bengals are worse.  But, still...it's real bad.  I heard that the Crypt Keeper tried to call Kenny Stabler in rehab in Alabama to run the run and shoot offense this week.  It's really that bad.  Trust me.  Take the Dolphins.

Mick:  Miami

St. Louis at San Francisco (-6.5)

In order to help the finances of San Francisco 49er fans that may go to this game, the team should give each of the fans their money back when they come to the gates.  Give them free beer, wine, cheese, seal meat, snail, or whatever it is they eat at that dreadful football stadium that is not a football stadium.  Mike Singletary has toned down a little bit after they blew the game against the Cardinals that gave them a false sense of competency.  I have not heard if he has exposed any more body parts to his players in the locker room.  He has not been arrested in Golden Gate Park for lewd activities.  This may be his only real chance to get his first win.  His team better give it to him or else.  The Rams are truly bad.  And so are the 49ers.  Take the 49ers for Mike Singletary's sake.

Mick:  St. Louis

Dallas at Washington (+1)

Dallas is completely demoralized.  They are coached by a guy whose father is named "Bum".  This explains his coaching skills.  TO was on Letterman, which is a bad sign.  As an aside, does anyone believe that he actually put out a children's book?  That makes about as much as sense as me giving out advice on relationships. Tony Romo's pinkie is back, which could be a good sign.  The owner is guaranteeing that the Cowboys will go to the play-offs.  The problem on the other side is that it looks like Shaun Alexander may get some touches at running back for the Redskins, which is a horrible sign for them.  The Redskins best cross dressing player, CP, will not be in the game.  Take Dallas in a must-win game for their fragile psyche.

Mick:  Washington

Minnesota at Tampa Bay (-4)

Not sure what to say about this game.  It's an important game for both teams.  Minnesota is coached by a guy who looks like the janitor at any local middle school (see above pic).  He coaches just as well as one, too.  Tampa is at the top of their division and are clearly a solid team with no flash or major drama.  Not many arrests on that team.  A good sign.  As much as I want the Bucs to stumble I don't think that coach Middle School Janitor can make that happen with a quarterback who is best known for giving himself a concussion by slamming his head into the end zone padding--on purpose.  The Bucs should win fairly easily.  

Mick:  Tampa  

Meeting Mick and Mike

This is the cat that beat me in my pro football picks this weekend. His name is Mick. He is a two year old fixed tabby. He also got four out of five right after just nuzzling one of the two choices for each game.  No, I did not make the picks for him.  No, he obviously does exist.  Yes, he will be making more picks next week.   Yes, he is on drugs...catnip to  be exact.  Yes, he is litter box trained.  No, Dippy does not want to sell him to a resturant for lawyer money.  

And the winner for best debut head coach press conference after a horrible first loss goes to...Mike Singletary. Mike is the new coach of the San Francisco 49ers. He has been on the job for less than a week after the team clipped Mike Nolan. Singletary is best known for being an intense middle linebacker for the Bears in the 80s. Now, he appears to be an even more intense head coach. With five minutes left in the game 49ers tight end Vernon Davis (by the way the only TE on the team that can catch a football) got an unsportsmanlike penalty costing his team 15 yards. As he was walking towards the sidelines Coach Singletary wanted a word. Mr. Davis shook off his new coach to indicate that he was not going to be conversing with him. Singletary was no mood for this and kicked Davis off the field. That led to the below sound bite. I do not know how Singletary is going to do, but if we get more pressers like this then we are definitely in for a treat. This is the second best coach sound bit ever next to Denny Green's "they are who we thought they were...and we lettem off the hook" blast. Can't wait for the 49ers next game in two weeks. If they suck as badly as they did yesterday then the next post-game presser should be a festival.

The Black Hole Of Bay Area Sports

I was listening to the San Francisco 49ers radio broadcast as they were being shelled by Craig Stadler's Seahawks squad who entering the game had won one game and looked miserable in every other game this year.  Until they arrived in San Francisco.  As the game got further and further out of reach the commentator and analyst became more and more jaded and dark.  They started off criticizing only a few things to eventually making runs at everyone on the team, the coaches, the fans, the beer guys, and the city itself.  It was fun to listen to if it wasn't so absolutely sad to listen to a spoiled franchise continue to wallow in the black hole of professional sports that the Bay Area has become.  The 49ers are down to Shaun Hill as their quarterback who can not throw the ball longer than ten yards.  This will suit offensive coordinator Mile Martz perfectly as he relies on a passing game that forces the quarterback to be able to throw the ball twenty five yards or more.  The Raiders are being run through the ground by a crypt keeper of an owner who lost touch with reality when he forces Jon Gruden out setting the stage for him to destroy the Raiders the next year in the Super Bowl.  The Raiders and their fans are the biggest jokes in the league with little hope in sight until the Crypt Keeper dies and hands the team over to whom?  The Giants went to the World Series and 2002 and have fallen apart a little more every year since.  The nightmare of Barry Bonds is over, but his curse still hangs over the team like Tom Brady's infected knee still hangs over the S&M parlor he frequents in L.A.  The Giants stink and so does the A's.  The Oakland A's are grossly irrelevant and the only people that show up for their games in the clearly the worst stadium in baseball are people simply too lazy to make it into San Francisco.  To top it all off their hats match absolutely nothing in anyone's wardrobe...except Craig Sager.  The Warriors lost their best player to the Clippers of all teams which only shows how irrelevant they are.  If you lose your best player to one of the worst sports franchises that have ever existed then you should be kicked out of the league.  The fact that they signed their coach for an additional two years proves that they have no clue what they are doing or simply don't care or both.   The Sharks and Earthquakes both play in San Jose, which does not in the grand scheme of things.   All in all things are going great for Bay Area sports.  The fun thing there is that there more teams that can go into the toilet than in Atlanta.  Two teams in football and baseball that are as putrid as baked squid left out in the sun for five days make double the fun than watching the same thing happen in Atlanta.  So I guess I can feel lucky that I'm an Atlanta fan in that respect.  It can be worse!  I could pull for the Raiders!

By the way, Mick the Cat went 4-1 with his football picks.  I, of course, went 3-2.  So Mick is coming back for another week.  Dippy is busy with his hooker...er...lawyer...er...probation officer...er...dealer.  Whatever.  Dippy is busy.  On wagerline.com, I am 48% with pro picks for the week.  I have lost another 1,000 "units" and I am in the hole for 10,000 total for the season. Things are going well.  

Your Pro Football Picks With Mick The Cat

So far this NFL season at wagerline.com I am standing at 47% with my picks and I am 6,000 "units" in the hole. I pick both the spread and the over/under on each game of the week. I do absolutely no research. I go only by instinct. Except that my cat can do better. So to prove my point I will compete against my house cat on five games. The cat will pick by the first team name he touches when the match-up is held up. Now this cat is not declawed and probably is rabid so this might be difficult.

Oakland at Baltimore (-9)
By the luck of the draw I was able to watch the last of the Raiders-Jets match-up from last Sunday. This was one of the worst games I have ever seen. Both teams were worse than putrid. They were as fresh as garden salad left on the counter for three weeks with no air conditioning...in Nevada. Favre looked like he was hurt. The Raiders do not know concepts like a snap count and how many people belong on the field. The showed a shot of Raiders owner Al Davis in his box and he looked like the Crypt Keeper. Somehow the Raiders kicker (shouldn't he be in jail due to multiple DUIs?) ended this game and the Raiders actually won. I felt cheated that we did not get a shot after the game of the Crypt Keeper celebrating the win. They won't win this week. They never play well after a win at home and then traveling cross country. Terell Suggs will have another bounty...er...contest...er...friendly banter against the Raiders. Take the Ravens. Though Flacco is the worst name for a NFL quarterback ever.
Mick The Cat: Ravens.

Seattle at San Francisco (-5)
Why am I picking this game? No one under 12 should be allowed to watch this game. These two teams deserve to end in a tie. That is how bad they both are. I am interested to see how Mike Singletary does as a head coach. I loved him as a player and I suspect that players will be willing to play hard for him. Sadly, Nolan picked Alex Smith as his franchise quarterback and look how well he's doing now. He looks real good carrying a clipboard watching a guy that no one ever heard of start for his team. Seattle coach Craig Stadler is doing real well in his last season. Stick to your day job Stadler. Take the 49ers.
Mick The Cat: Seattle.

Washington at Detroit (+9)
i am having a real struggle with this game. The Redskins should not have lost at home to St. Louis. They gave that game away. The Lions are worse than the Rams and they are playing in Detroit. Last week the Redskins should have won by at least ten points or more against Cleveland. I just can't take Washington at Detroit with a point spread of nine. Detroit is not going to win, but this point spread is too high with a team that no one can really predict what they will do. Detroit, it is.
Mick The Cat: Washington. Meow.

Atlanta at Philadelphia (-9.5)
I know that everyone has jumped on my case for not believing in my beloved Falcons. If you have been a fan of the Falcons you would understand that nothing is ever as good as it appears and that at the end of every rainbow there is a pile of crap. Today I saw Matt Ryan's jersey being sold at the mall. Now it is the beginning of the end. Actually, no. I believe in Ryan. I think that he is the real deal. His mental game is excellent which will prove him well as his career progresses. The only thing stopping him are injuries and/or team management ineptitude by not surrounding him with good players. I refuse to have high expectations of the Falcons until the management shows that they know how to surround their franchise quarterback with good players. However, I am the most hopeful I have been about the future of an Atlanta quarterback since...ever...and that includes Vick/Mexico and Bartkowski. It will be a tough game for Ryan in Philly, but I think Atlanta will keep it close and I am not sold on the Eagles anyways. Atlanta.
Mick The Cat: Eagles.

Arizona at Carolina (-3)Why hasn't Kurt Warner gotten hurt yet? I have been waiting all year to see everyone's favorite beer bong sucking statutory rapist Matt Leinart play. Warner was one step away from retirement after Bouldin almost got his face snapped off against the Jets. I am waiting though. I wonder how ready Leinart is to come out if Warner breaks his pinkie or something. Is he on the sideline all hung over praying that Jenny from the whirl pool at the Holiday Inn will get her monthly friend to come in on time? Also, I am sick of hearing about Tony Romo's pinkie. That pinkie has had so much power over the Cowboys season and the air waves that I can't stand hearing about it anymore. The pinkie needs to talk about Tom Brady's knee which is getting also over-exposed. So, I need to pick one. Arizona does not travel to the East Coast well either. They will get rolled. Carolina is quite good and if the Cowboys don't get their act together Carolina has a chance at a high seed in the play-offs....if they can only compete with Tampa...ugh. Take Carolina.
Mick The Cat: Carolina. Of Course.