Your Pro Football Picks With Mick The Cat

So far this NFL season at wagerline.com I am standing at 47% with my picks and I am 6,000 "units" in the hole. I pick both the spread and the over/under on each game of the week. I do absolutely no research. I go only by instinct. Except that my cat can do better. So to prove my point I will compete against my house cat on five games. The cat will pick by the first team name he touches when the match-up is held up. Now this cat is not declawed and probably is rabid so this might be difficult.

Oakland at Baltimore (-9)
By the luck of the draw I was able to watch the last of the Raiders-Jets match-up from last Sunday. This was one of the worst games I have ever seen. Both teams were worse than putrid. They were as fresh as garden salad left on the counter for three weeks with no air conditioning...in Nevada. Favre looked like he was hurt. The Raiders do not know concepts like a snap count and how many people belong on the field. The showed a shot of Raiders owner Al Davis in his box and he looked like the Crypt Keeper. Somehow the Raiders kicker (shouldn't he be in jail due to multiple DUIs?) ended this game and the Raiders actually won. I felt cheated that we did not get a shot after the game of the Crypt Keeper celebrating the win. They won't win this week. They never play well after a win at home and then traveling cross country. Terell Suggs will have another bounty...er...contest...er...friendly banter against the Raiders. Take the Ravens. Though Flacco is the worst name for a NFL quarterback ever.
Mick The Cat: Ravens.

Seattle at San Francisco (-5)
Why am I picking this game? No one under 12 should be allowed to watch this game. These two teams deserve to end in a tie. That is how bad they both are. I am interested to see how Mike Singletary does as a head coach. I loved him as a player and I suspect that players will be willing to play hard for him. Sadly, Nolan picked Alex Smith as his franchise quarterback and look how well he's doing now. He looks real good carrying a clipboard watching a guy that no one ever heard of start for his team. Seattle coach Craig Stadler is doing real well in his last season. Stick to your day job Stadler. Take the 49ers.
Mick The Cat: Seattle.

Washington at Detroit (+9)
i am having a real struggle with this game. The Redskins should not have lost at home to St. Louis. They gave that game away. The Lions are worse than the Rams and they are playing in Detroit. Last week the Redskins should have won by at least ten points or more against Cleveland. I just can't take Washington at Detroit with a point spread of nine. Detroit is not going to win, but this point spread is too high with a team that no one can really predict what they will do. Detroit, it is.
Mick The Cat: Washington. Meow.

Atlanta at Philadelphia (-9.5)
I know that everyone has jumped on my case for not believing in my beloved Falcons. If you have been a fan of the Falcons you would understand that nothing is ever as good as it appears and that at the end of every rainbow there is a pile of crap. Today I saw Matt Ryan's jersey being sold at the mall. Now it is the beginning of the end. Actually, no. I believe in Ryan. I think that he is the real deal. His mental game is excellent which will prove him well as his career progresses. The only thing stopping him are injuries and/or team management ineptitude by not surrounding him with good players. I refuse to have high expectations of the Falcons until the management shows that they know how to surround their franchise quarterback with good players. However, I am the most hopeful I have been about the future of an Atlanta quarterback since...ever...and that includes Vick/Mexico and Bartkowski. It will be a tough game for Ryan in Philly, but I think Atlanta will keep it close and I am not sold on the Eagles anyways. Atlanta.
Mick The Cat: Eagles.

Arizona at Carolina (-3)Why hasn't Kurt Warner gotten hurt yet? I have been waiting all year to see everyone's favorite beer bong sucking statutory rapist Matt Leinart play. Warner was one step away from retirement after Bouldin almost got his face snapped off against the Jets. I am waiting though. I wonder how ready Leinart is to come out if Warner breaks his pinkie or something. Is he on the sideline all hung over praying that Jenny from the whirl pool at the Holiday Inn will get her monthly friend to come in on time? Also, I am sick of hearing about Tony Romo's pinkie. That pinkie has had so much power over the Cowboys season and the air waves that I can't stand hearing about it anymore. The pinkie needs to talk about Tom Brady's knee which is getting also over-exposed. So, I need to pick one. Arizona does not travel to the East Coast well either. They will get rolled. Carolina is quite good and if the Cowboys don't get their act together Carolina has a chance at a high seed in the play-offs....if they can only compete with Tampa...ugh. Take Carolina.
Mick The Cat: Carolina. Of Course.

A New Low And Your Pro Football Picks

I love the above video. It is the latest chapter of the most surreal downfall in the history of professional sports. The Oakland Raiders were once a proud franchise that had it's own mystique that personified the grit of the ugly sister of the Bay Area main cities. Three Super Bowls. Ken Stabler. Al Davis in jump suits. Stick-Um soaked uniforms. All part of the lore of the Raiders. Prior to this week the Raiders had sunk to one of the worst franchises in professional sports. As an Atlanta sports fan, I know all about being the worst franchise in professional sports...we have the Falcons and the Hawks...and we know how stellar those franchises are!! Remember everyone that the Raiders had a Super Bowl appearance in this decade. Of course, the week of the game, their center went on a literal manic rant and ended up in Mexico doing who knows what. He's in prison now, I think, but I digress. The Bowl loss to Tampa Bay and the team's coach from the previous season who was run out of town by Al Davis before he died led to a free-fall at a massive level. Not even the fall from grace of Barry Bonds, Pete Rose, Roger Clemens, and Barry Manilow can compare to the suicide jump from the Bay Bridge the Raiders have taken. When Coach Chuckie was run out of town to Tampa it was clear that Al Davis's brain had finally succumbed to the effects of untreated syphilis. He had gone absolutely insane and eventually died four years ago. They prop up his body in the booth during games and at his desk like El Cid. Decisions are made by putting choices on pieces of paper on his desk and raising his cold hand over his head and letting it randomly flop on a choice. Hence we have the choice of Lane Kiffin as a head coach and letting Fargas be a starting running back. The fact that Kiffin is still the head coach proves that Al Davis is really dead and the key decisions are being made by a flopping hand. The fact that upper management of the Raiders openly criticizes Kiffin and, as the video above illustrates, attacks reporters during pressers shows that the Raiders have sunk to being the worst professional sports franchise. The Knicks are right there, but the Raiders have caught up. I am almost ashamed to admit that I have been a fan of the Raiders. For one of the stupidest reasons in the history of sports fandom. Here's the story. When I was thirteen my best friend had an electric football set. He had all of the NFL teams. He also had a wild imagination. He ran a electric football league with all of the NFL teams playing a shortened season and then a play-off leading to a Super Bowl. He liked to include his friends in the game by making them players on various teams in the league. One season I was "drafted" by the then Los Angeles Raiders. I did better than Todd Marinovich and won three Super Bowl titles three MVP awards, married Madonna, and ended up the Hall of Fame in the Silver Spring, Maryland electric football league before being found in a hotel room with a drugged out prate bear, a rabbit, ten bags of heroin, and the Olsen twins. At that point, being thirteen and a wanna-be goth sports degenerate the Raiders were appealing. They have not won a Super Bowl, electric or otherwise, since.

Now the Raiders are run by a dead guy who died of syphilis four years ago. The Raiders have gone 19-61 in the last five years. They have had fifty head coaches in that time frame. They have also made horrible personnel decisions and random draft picks that have led to a sense of disorder that only is eclipsed in it's ineptness by the Bush presidency and WaMu. The team on the field is actually playing better even though they blew a nine point lead with four minutes left last weekend. However, internally, when your team is being run by a dead guy you have surreal moments like upper management types with bad polo shirts attacking reporters at a presser for asking questions about the death watch of Lane Kiffin while on the other hand the same bad polo short wearing idiots bash the same coach every day in the press. The franchise has fallen to a new low. The lowest and worst professional franchise. Congratulations.


Atlanta at Carolina (-6.5)
Bill Simmons summed up my feelings about the 2-1 Falcons with this passage today:

"I'd feel a little better if their two victories hadn't come against Nos. 31 and 30 on this list. Still, your average Falcons fan is like a broke college student who went to a casino with $100 to gamble, turned it into $300 in 20 minutes, put a $100 chip in his pocket, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Whatever happens from now on, worst-case scenario, I'm breaking even."

My feelings exactly. Everything else might just be icing. Did you notice that both Michael Turner and Julius Norwood are averaging over six yards a carry? That won't be the case after Sunday. The Panthers are a better team. They are playing at home. They should win by at least a touchdown. It will be a struggle to score points. Take the under also.
Dippy: Carolina, of course.

San Francisco at New Orleans (-5)
The Saints have been a huge disappointment in my book. They supposedly made upgrades to their offense and defense. None of that has bore fruit. They have no defense to speak of and they are going up against a real upgraded offense in San Francisco. The Saints can't stop the pass (or even the run). This might be a track meet and I would take the 49ers.
Dippy: New Orleans.

Washington at Dallas (-11)
The line in this game is too high. I know that Tony Romo is at home. He's probably been drinking Jess under the table for the last two weeks and doing cocaine with TO. Nevertheless, the Cowboys are the best team in the NFC. But this line is too high in this rivalry game. Take the points with Washington who will keep it close against an over-rated defense.
Dippy: Washington.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-5.5)
The Ravens are better than any of us think. Their defense is back to am above average level and their offense looks actually functional under Flacco (the worst football name ever). New coach and new energy for Baltimore will come down to reality this week. Pittsburgh is so brazenly vanilla that they dare you to try to beat them even though everyone knows what they are going to do next. Take Pittsburgh.
Dippy: Baltimore.

Minnesota at Tennessee (-3)
This looks like a complete sucker bet. The Titans at home against the Vikings. On paper, the Titans are playing at a higher level. Be careful of the Titans. Even with Kerry Collins as the quarterback they are a formidable team. He's actually an upgrade. A real quarterback. Their offense is functional and their defense is very good. Petersen is hurt, again. Take the Titans. This one looks so easy that I am tempted to pick the Vikings. Nonetheless, I believe in the Titans. I wonder if Collins is still sober.
Dippy: Tennessee.

Running From Sarah Palin And Your Pro Football Picks

Dippy and I are hiding out from the goons that Sarah Palin have sent to kill us both for last night's post. I can't tell you where we are for fear that they will find us. They have sent black helicopters and Terminator robots from the future to come and get us. This is worse than that Easter Bunny that came after me last Easter. I have never seen an Easter Bunny with an semi-automatic handgun. I am not clear why they would want Dippy except for the fact that he made sexual references towards the governor of Alaska, which is both disturbed and apparently illegal. Dippy has let me know that the government is bailing out large banks with bad debt. So not only I have to pay off my bad debt I now have to pay off some bank's debt so that their CEO can continue to keep his yacht and stable of hookers? This is Capitalism Gone Wild. These banks may have survived the Great Depression, but there is no surviving being utterly stupid. If you are stupid enough to give out a loan or mortgage to someone who by all accounts can not afford it, then you are stupid and do not deserve being bailed out by taxpayers. Everyone out there has their own "Bill" out there. "Bill" is that friend or family member who is always asking for money, but everyone knows based on his track record that he is not going to pay it back. Everyone around "Bill" who knows him knows that by giving him money that is simply giving money away. Then "Bill" meets "Tom" who ignores all of this and thinks they're going to be smart and make a profit off of "Bill" by charging weird interest rates that change as time goes on and he goes ahead and gives him money. Years later, "Bill" has not given much of the money back and never will...mainly because he never has. Not necessarily because "Bill" is a freeloader. It's just with all his good intentions he just can't do it. These banks and loaners that give away these loans and mortgages and now are sucking the rest of us dry by being bailed out by us, they are the "Tom"s. So the US government, horribly in debt, is now taking on the horrible debt of large banks. How does this not end in total disaster?

Oh, well. Dippy and I need to make our professional football picks.

Miami at New England (er, the Evil Empire, -12.5)

Fox: Everyone needs to remember that the Evil Empire has the easiest schedule in the league. Everyone must remember that Joey Porter can not keep his mouth shut. As a result, the Evil Empire has bulletin board material and a college team to play against this week. I wonder who would win between Miami and USC on a neutral field. As Tom Brady is trying to impregnate Brooke Hogan, the Patriots will roll all over the Dolphins. Take the Pats, er, Evil Empire.

Dippy: Miami is better than you think. And Miami has lots of good cocaine available. The Pats might win, but they won't cover. Take Miami.

Dallas at Green Bay (+3)

Dippy: Interesting game. Rodgers is playing well so far, but he is not playing the Lions this week. You have to look at the fact that the two teams the Packers have beaten are a combined 0-4. Dallas is so much better talent wise than Green Bay. It is not time enough yet for them to self-destruct. It's not frigid in Green Bay right now. Take Dallas as T.O. and Pac-Man score touchdowns this weekend.

Fox: Anyone else notice that Cowboys are now the new Raiders? The Cowboys have made it habit for well over a decade of bringing in malcontents and locker room cancers in order to reform them enough to win. The Cowboys now are that team. Even Tony Romo is like Ken Stabler. It's crazy. I really want to take the Packers in this game, however, I just can't. The Packers are one of the weakest 2-0 teams and it will show this weekend. Dallas it is.

Arizona at Washington (-3)

Dippy: You ever hear from Kidnapper 47?

Fox: No, I have not heard from him or her for awhile. Since you were released.

Dippy: I really connected with that guy.

Fox: Dippy, he or she doped you up like crazy and kept you captive for over a month threatening to kill you if I didn't drop Atlanta sports teams in favor of Washington's. He or she also killed your resistance puppy, er uh, drug dog. You probably have Stockholm Syndrome.

Dippy: I don't buy all that. I just wondering if Kidnapper 47 was around so I could talk to him. That's all.

Fox: Whatever then. Any sighting of those Terminator robots?

Dippy: No.

Fox: I told you not to make those sexual comments about Palin. I knew we'd end up on the run.

Dippy: It was you that called her a fraud. They are after you....you, I said. Ehhhh....ehhh....ehhh..

Fox: I knew you would crack under the pressure. Well, anyways I am taking the Cardinals in this game as they will outscore the Washington offense. The Cardinals will not have the same secondary as the Saints. Campbell is not going to roll up 300 plus yards again. The Redskins are vulnerable to the pass. The Cardinals have a good quarterback and two great receivers. Take the Cardinals.

Dippy: In honor of Kidnapper 47, I am going to take the Redskins. Matter of fact, I am taking the Redskins in every single game for the rest of the season no matter what happens. Take the Redskins. Redskins 287 Cardinals 2.

Fox: Geez.

New York Jets at San Diego (-9.5)

Dippy: The Jets are a factor with Favre, but they are so over-rated. The Chargers psyche is destroyed. Just gone. Blown game last week because the referee was on the take with the line being San Diego by one point. That ref couldn't let the Chargers cover. So the quick whistle trick. Boom, Denver wins. Boom, outta here. Take the Chargers who may be psyched out, but they are also pissed off and the Jets are not really that good.

Fox: Too many points for a team that is 0-2 and lost two straight heartbreaker games. The Jets will be in every game as long as Favre is still standing. I am not sure that the Jets can win, but the Chargers are not going to win by more than ten.

Kansas City at Atlanta (-5.5)

Dippy: Can you believe that Atlanta is favored in this game? I thought you said that they would not be favored in any game this year.

Fox: This is all because the Chiefs are worse than Sarah Palin on a water diet. They are awful. When you lose to the Raiders who are owned by a dead guy by as badly as they did, then you are the worst team close to ever. I am not sure how Coach Edwards keeps his job after this week. I think, on the other hand, the spread is too high. I think Atlanta will win, but only by a field goal at the end. Elam will kill the Chiefs again just like he did when he was with Denver, but take the Chiefs.

Dippy: Uh. I am so sick of picking Atlanta games. The Chiefs are truly bad. They don't have an offense or a defense. I did not really think that anyone would be as bad as Atlanta, but then the Chiefs came along. I think if the Hawks played the Chiefs they would win. Take Atlanta and excuse me while I run from the approaching Terminator robot that looks just like Sarah Palin. RUN!!!!

Your Weekend Football Picks

Dippy and I are back to make our football picks for the whole weekend.  Dippy has to work tomorrow at a kid's birthday party somewhere near Hampton's skid row district.  I am spending the weekend hiding from my wife.  We decided that we were going to do both Saturday and Sunday on the same post this time.  So here goes.

Auburn (-10) at Mississippi State

Fox:  I heard today that there was a gas panic and people are running around all over the place trying to gas before we all run out and turn the planet into "Planet of the Apes" or something.  I thought nothing of it and realized as I was driving by the gas station by my house that gas had gone up 33 cents in the last eight hours.   All because somebody was stupid enough to allow a hurricane to be named after Ike Turner who is now dead and coming back to fuck us all up.  

Dippy:  Are you going to pick this game?

Fox:  I don't even know why I chose this game at all.  I don't know anything about either team except that Auburn is always better than people think and Mississippi State is in the second tier of the SEC.  I am taking Auburn because they are Auburn and MSU is really MSU.

Dippy:  Auburn is over rated this year.  Trust me they are.  MSU is slowly becoming a solid team.  Not quite good enough to knock off Tennessee or anything, but they are better than people think.  Really.  I think Auburn will win, but MSU will keep it close at home.  Take MSU.

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech (-6.5)

Fox: Some of my friends who are VT graduates are headed to this game in Blacksburg, Virginia.  I am hoping that Virginia Tech is not as bad as they looked against ECU.  Their starting quarterback in the ECU game has got feet like Peyton Manning.  They un-redshirted their more mobile quarterback.  I am not a VT fan by any stretch, but if you are going to go to a game you hope your team wins.  However, the Hokies are not on the same level this year than in past years.  This is going to be a down year overall for them as they take the chance to reload.  The spread is too high so I am taking Georgia Tech.

Dippy:  You have this all backwards.  Just like your priorities.  You must be stoned or something.  It's Georgia Tech that is not very good.  They are below dog biscuits.  They will be punished for being stupid enough to travel from Atlanta to Virginia.  Take Virginia Tech big time in this one.  By the way, Fox, have you seen that new vampire TV show on HBO, "True Blood"?

Fox:  Am I the only person in the US that thinks that TV shows about vampires walking amongst us is utterly stupid and anyone who watches this stuff has mashed potatoes for brains?  No, I have not watched that show and I hope that I never will.  I did notice that the blond chick has a huge gap in her teeth which puts her in the gap teeth hall of fame with Strahan and Letterman.   

Dippy:  Ehhh....

Fox:  Stop it.  I knew it would take too long to start that mess up again.  I am not getting you a towel.  Last time I did that I had to throw away my favorite t-shirt because it had your blood all over it.  I got drunk just on being exposed to your blood alone.

Virginia at UConn (-10.5)

Fox:  It is hard to imagine that UVA could play any worse than they did against USC.  Even Richmond gave them trouble in Charlottesville.  UConn is developing a strong football program.  They are not there yet but they will be something to reckon with.  UVA barely beat them the last time these two matched up.  UVA is in full blown rebuilding mode and their head coach can not complete a sentence.  Take UConn.

Dippy:  You know.  I hate both these schools.  I hate UConn because of Coach Calhoun and Coach Gino.  I know they are basketball coached, but the the basketball program is the program at UConn, not football.  Both coaches are pompous ego-maniacal blow hards.  They have offices right next to each and even they can stand the other to the point that they do not even talk to each other.  I am sure that Coach Gino has sexually harassed someone on his team.  I am sure of it.  He's the biggest asshole in college sports.  And that is saying something in a world where you have Saban, Spurrier, Bowden (all of them), Holtz, Knight, Vitale, Coach K, and anyone with the last name Williams.  

Fox:  Your pick?  

Dippy:  Shut up, Fox.  You're just like Gino.  You sexually harass everyone.  I see what you do.  I see how you operate.  You are sick.  You are like Christian Bale in American Psycho.  Anyways, I am taking UVA just to spite you and every other dope that has anything to do with UConn.   Just saying UConn is just right.  It means "you" are "conned."  Isn't the football coach of Kansas the fatest football coach ever?

Fox:  He's close to that guy who coaches Maryland.

Ohio State at USC (-11)

Dippy:  Speaking of USC and asshole coaches.  We have Pete Carroll who is a smug looking worm of a man.  

Fox:  What did he ever do to you?

Dippy:  No, it's not a matter f what he did to me.  It is what he did to everyone.  Carroll is a hamster.  Just look at him.  He is a loan shark dressed up as a football coach.  He's also a bad coach.  He is so over-rated as a coach.  How is it that USC kills out of conference opponents during the regular season and then blows it against Stanford when favored by 200 points?  How does that work?  It's coaching.  USC is a pro team.  They are like the Colts.  Big games they shouldn't lose.  They lose.  They lose games when favored by a million.  It is all because Coach Carroll runs his team like the Cowboys in the 1990s.  The only team that blows big games worse, but against non-conference opponents is Ohio State.  Their depth was the only thing standing between them and a major upset last week.  Wells is not going to be in the game so USC should run them over.

Fox:  Why is this game named "Collision at the Coliseum?"  It should not even have a name.  This game does not deserve to have a name.   Is this game so uninteresting that they had to give it some stupid name to make more important than it really is.  Should it not just stand on it's own.  USC is #1 (over-rated).  Ohio State is #5 (over-rated).  That should be it.  USC will win big anyways.  Name or no name.

Georgia (-7) at South Carolina

Fox:  I am so nervous about this game.  Last year in Georgia's first SEC game, at home, they lost 16-12 to an unranked South Carolina team.  I am hoping that they will remember that it was this game that kept them from being considered for the BCS Championship game.   This time South Carolina is ranked, which means nothing, and they are playing in Columbia.  This game is tougher than it looks.  Last week, I made a slip by saying that last week they were preparing last week to go to Arizona State and inadvertently skipping that there was a game in between.  Hopefully, the bad karma will not get me this time.  I am not worried about the offense in this game, but I am worried about the defense.  They have given up too many points from teams that should not be able to score against them.  They have given up too many yards and bent too much.  Now they get South Carolina who always find a way to play tough against a supposedly superior team.  I think that despite this Richt will get the best out of his players and win by at least ten.  Take Georgia.  

Dippy:  I am watching Anderson Cooper live from Texas awaiting Ike Turner to slam into Houston.  I don't know what to make of Anderson Cooper except that I think he plays with toy soldiers and small rodents in the bath tub listening to old Fleetwood Mac records.  I don't know.  I am hoping that Hurricane Ike Turner does not end up doing coke off a kitchen table and get really crazy slamming into Galveston.

Fox:  You should know about small rodents and Fleetwood Mac records.   You have done more coke than both Stevie Nicks and Tyler combined.  

Dippy:  I have a razor and I know how to use it.  

Fox:  Ooooooo...I am scared.

Dippy:  (Swinging razor)  Eh...I'll cut you.  I'll cut you like your first wife at your divorce hearing.

Fox:  Stop.

Dippy:  Anyways.  Georgia is incredibly under-rated.  Mark Richt is under-rated.  Moreno will get hurt like Tom Brady.  Take the Cock.  I mean.  Cocks.

New Orleans (-1) at Washington

Dippy:  The Redskins have taken on more guys than Sarah Palin and Jessica Simpson combined.  They are simply awful.  They can't stop anyone and they definitely can't score...just like Matt Leinart with girls his own age.   So the Redskins are going to get smashed by a resurgent Saints team.  You can't put lipstick on one of those guys in the stands in DC dressed as a hog and hope that it's going to work out any better.  Jason Campbell will end up like Vince Young after this game.  Take the Saints.

Fox:  I have to agree.  I was so disappointed in the Redskins against New York.  They could not even run the ball with two good running backs.  One of their best O-line guys was standing on the bench pacing like Ike Turner during a coke binge...or Jessica Simpson on a binge of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.  The Saints actually should have done better against Tampa.  Tampa is not that good.  Either way, take the Saints.

New England at NY Jets (-1)

Dippy:  So is there a moratorium on jumping on Brady now that he has two torn ligaments?   

Fox:  It depends.  He has to lie low for the next year.  No over the top story lines.  He has to stay out of the media spotlight.  I don't want him to be on any magazine covers.  No stories about him getting comfort sex.  No stories about him on crutches on the sidelines distraught that he can't play.  Nothing.  He has to stay down.  If he does, I'll leave him alone.  If not, then I am going after him.  Like a spider to a cat.   Like a cat to a milk dud.  

Dippy:  Have you decided who your target will be now?

Fox:  After much discussion, I am going with Tony Romo, the Cowboys, and Matt Leinart.  You'll see why this season.  My pick in this game is actually the Patriots.  The Evil Empire always finds a way to win.  They will pull it together to beat the over-rated Jets.  The Patriots will do anything to make sure they win.  They'll hold Brett's wife for ransom if they have to.  The Jets are the bitter enemy now of Darth Hoodie.   Darth Hoodie will do everything to destroy New York.  It does not matter whether or not he has the Random Impregnator playing under the center or not.  The Patriots will win.

Dippy:  Your hero, Bill Simmons, has been moaning in two columns how the Patriots season is over and that karma is getting it's revenge on the Patriots killing everyone repeatedly last year by running up the score late in the fourth quarter and then blaming the victim...just like Tony Romo.  In this case, Brett Favre will prove to the world why the Packers did not want him anymore by throwing up lobs that end up being picked off instead of falling into the receivers hands like last week.  He'll sling balls straight into blue and white shirts like he did in his last throw to the Giants.  The Patriots will win because the Jets will give it to them to win.

Green Bay (-3) at Detroit

Dippy:  How does Millen still have a job in Detroit?

Fox:  Because nobody is left in Detroit to notice how bad he is.  The Lions organization and the Ford Motor Company are on the same level of slime and ineptness.  It is so sad that a once proud franchise that is so incredibly bad now.  The Raiders are like this now.  The 49ers as well.  All proud franchises who are being run into the ground, burned into ash and then thrown into the river being polluted by one of McCain's oil companies that he does not remember he owns.  Take the Packers.

Dippy:  I am also taking the Packers mainly because I like Aaron Rodgers.  I hope that he does well under the enormous pressure that he is under.  He did fairly well at home against the Vikings.  He should feel a little more relaxed in a visitor stadium.  I wonder how he feels when he still sees fans in Favre gear in the stands?

Philadelphia at Dallas (-7)

Fox:  A friend of mine said that the Cowboys now are like the Raiders of the 70s where they take on any malcontent that becomes available.  They have a guy who makes it rain and shoots up people, a guy that runs guns, a wide receiver that called out his quarterbacks sexual orientation, and a quarterback who instead of preparing for the most important game in his life was in Mexico with his anexoric girl-friend with an insane father who made her that messed up in the first place.  My issue with Romo is that I question his dedication.  I question his competitiveness.  Does he really want to make the sacrifices necessary to win the Super Bowl.  I have to say this about Brady.  Brady is a competitor.  He does what it takes to win.  Same with Payton Manning at this point in his career.  Romo acts like a fourteen year old kid with good dimples and a mole that keeps wanting to talk to us (thanks, K47, I hope you write an entry soon).  Same with Matt Leinart.  He does not have the heart to do what he needs to do to take things to the next level.  He is drunk on the field and gets caught in a hot tub with fourteen year old girls sucking on his beer bong.  What a leader!!  I think in this game that the Eagles are under-rated and the Cowboys on the verge of imploding if things start going the wrong way.  I am actually taking the Eagles.

Dippy:  There is a reason that you went 3-6-1 in your picks last week and I went 5-4-1.  It's because you are an idiot.  You are on the same cognitive level as Matt Leinart.  The Cowboys are a very very good team and it's the Eagles who are on the verge of imploding.  The Cowboys should roll by two touchdowns.

Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-9)

Fox:  I am tempted to take the Falcons in this game because the line is too high.  I am never convinced that Tampa is that good and the Falcons have a new attitude.  However, I am taking Tampa.  They are playing at home where it will be 400 degrees.  They have better consistent play.  The Falcons defense is not good against the pass and the Bucs will exploit them even with a low level quarterback.  The Bucs defense is ten times better than Detroit.  Matt Ryan will have to try to win the game and he can't do it right now.  I am taking Tampa.

Dippy:  It's your team and you don't believe in them.  You are pathetic.  The Falcons are for real, man.  They are better than anyone thinks.  They have attitude and even if they lose they will make Tampa work for it.  So take Atlanta.

Your Pro Football Picks With Dippy...And Fox, Too

As Dippy and I almost choked on our tongues watching Ohio State completely look ahead to next week and their match-up with USC and was actually trailing going into the fourth quarter to Ohio, we took the time to come up with our pro picks for Sunday.

Kansas City at New England (-15)
Fox: The first week of the NFL season is a hard one to pick because you aren't sure what you are going to get from certain teams. A prime example is New England. Is Tom Brady's foot amputated? Is he now stuck with a STD? Has he blown all his cash on HGH? Who knows? The Pats may have the Super Bowl Loser Blues (every other team has had this in the last five years), but they are the least likely to experience it. Coach Hoodie will not allow it to happen. He'll kill off some referees if necessary. New England will make a statement against a horrible KC team. Take the Pats.
Dippy: The line is way too high. Take KC. Fox, I really think you need to get over your hatred for Tom Brady. Didn't you actually buy a Patriots hat this summer?
Fox: What? You must be off the wagon.

Arizona (-1) at San Francisco
Fox: Has this O'Sullivan guy actually started a real NFL game before? I am not sure. I don't trust a first time starter in the first game of the year ever. Arizona is not a good team, but the 49ers are worse. It does not matter if the game is in San Francisco. Take Arizona.
Dippy: I would really be off the wagon if I picked San Fran in this game. There will be an office pool somewhere where people in the Bay Area will get to pick which Bay Area team will win more games: Cal, Stanford, Raiders, or 49ers. My money is on Cal. Arizona should win in San Francisco.

Dallas (-5.5) at Cleveland
Fox: This looks like a sucker bet. Cleveland's stock has been falling all pre-season. Dallas is absolutely loaded. It looks like a mis-match. Dallas is only favored by 5 1/2 at Cleveland. This is harder than it should be. Derek Anderson faded in the last two months of the season last year. He is over rated. The Browns defense is as terrible as they look. Take Dallas. Is there a pool on how long it will take for Pac-Man to get arrested again now that he is reinstated. This should be somewhere. I'd go for eight weeks.
Dippy: I'd go for twelve. I don't know about this one either. I think that Cleveland will do better than you think. The pre-season is nothing when it comes to a predictor of the regular season. Just look at the Redskins...er...ok. Well, I am still taking the Browns.

Carolina at San Diego (-9.5)
Dippy: Fox, you used to live in Charlotte. You were there in the dark days of Rae Carruth. That must have been fun when they were going 1-15 and Carruth was on trial. The Panthers rebounded in 2002 and have not been the same since. The window has closed on Carolina and John Fox. Steve Smith is suspended for pounding one of his teammates into the ground..again. Jake is coming off Tommy John surgery. The Panthers are a shell of themselves. San Diego will run a circle around a listless Panther team.
Fox: Yes, I lived in Charlotte and I wish I was still there. I was there for the whole Rae Carruth thing. That is when Charlotte joined the big time when a city's sports athletes become police blotter material. Sex, drugs, and money were the factors in that case. Carruth is still in prison. Ron Mexico is getting out way before he ever will. I initially thought that this line was too high. However, San Diego is at home. Jake is coming off Tommy John. No Steve Smith and an aging defense that is hanging on like a gerbil in a dishwasher. Take San Diego

Detroit (-3) at Atlanta
Fox: The Falcons will not be favored to win any game this year. They will likely be 1-15 or 2-14. This will be one of the worst seasons in Atlanta history which is saying an awful lot. I survived the Gerald Riggs era. This is a new era. Of what I am not sure. I'll let everyone know in a few years. This is Matt Ryan's first game and I never pick a rookie quarterback in playing in his first game. John Elway was torn apart in his first game in Pittsburgh and Ryan is not Elway. This will be a bloodbath of a season and it is too bad that the Falcons get Detroit in the first game because later in the year they would have more of a chance. Tomorrow the Falcons don't have a chance to win. Take Detroit.
Dippy: I don't think that the Falcons will be as bad as you think, Fox. Coach Smith is creating a defense with a nasty attitude. They are going to play aggressive on defense and they will try to physically punish opponents. This is the only way they can win because they aren't going to score many points. However, I would not be surprised if the Falcons defense makes a name for themselves this season. They may not win, but teams will have to fight for their lives in many games to be able to avoid an embarrassing loss. I am taking Detroit because the point spread is just low enough to be worth the risk.