Tom Brady Isn't Me And Your Zito-Jones Update

It has been awhile since I posted an update on our favorite (or at least my favorite) overpaid baseball players. I have been flirting with another sports city and have been caught leaving their apartment late at night. Just like A-Rod!! It is true and not a rumor that I have been re-kindling an old old flame of sports cities: Boston. Yes, Boston. When I was three years old (I think) I moved to the Boston area and slowly became influenced by osmosis into the Boston sports melodrama of futility. This was 1974 when I moved there and then left somewhere in 1978 to Atlanta. I became familiar with the Celtics (in a major downturn in fortunes soon to be changed by Larry Bird and his mullet), the Bruins (everybody played street and ice hockey, including me, and dreamed of being Bobby Orr), the Red Sox (winner of the prize of pulling defeat out of victory over and over...just like Atlanta!!), and the Patriots (only slightly better than the Falcons of today). Except now, the owners of the Boston sports franchises actually are trying to win. The owners of the Atlanta sports teams have done their best to live in a world where it is OK to be no better than .500, run the team into the ground, fight amongst themselves in court, and treat fans like me for granted. The fact that I lived in Boston for a significant part of childhood, the fact that the owners care about winning, and the most recent success of the Boston sports teams have made this sports city the solid "10" in the bar full of "6's." I have to admit and I know that you all will call me a bandwagon jumper that I have pulled for the Boston teams all my life. In 1986, I owned a busted Red Sox cap trying to will the Red Sox to win Game 6 only to see what my sports life would turn into when Buckner lost a little rolling white ball in a field of green and brown. I was actually pulling for the Celtics during their run of titles in the early 80's. I loved the Boston Garden. I pulled for the Bruins during their bitter series against the Canadians every play-off year. I even (as tears roll down my face in shame) wanted the Patriots and (OMG) Tom Brady to win their first Super Bowl against the Rams. When the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 I could barely watch fearing that some sort of crazy event would occur that would cause them to lose yet again. When they finally won I was relieved. I have discovered that my disdain for Boston sports came out of a primitive defense mechanism that is used by grade school boys who will push girls they actually like into a mud puddle as a way to cope with the fact that they like the girl. For me, it was awe and envy. I hated Tom Brady because he wasn't me. I hated him because I was not him. I didn't have a hot model girlfriend who goes by one name to sleep with (I did back around let's say, 1991...and I have been chasing the hot young model ever since...see 1997, 1999, 2001, and 2007). Tom Brady is the coolest guy in the room. He is what everyone would want to be and 99.9999% of us will never ever get there. So no wonder there is a love-hate thing going. I have always disliked franchises that I had the most respect for (see the 49ers in the 80's and 90's). I still don't like Coach Hoodie. Why? Because he is a cheat and he has the personality of a snapping turtle. However, I have been lured by the distant past of my childhood where futility was woven into the fabric of both my personal and sporting life. At the time, I just didn't know it. By the way, the first baseball card I ever owned? Carl Yastrzemski.

Of course, if I even start actively pulling for any team in Boston they'll start losing...just like in Atlanta. Forgive me.

Now your stinking update:

ANDRUW JONES:

Andruw went on the DL for quite awhile due to a bum knee (and also a bum swing, but that was not mentioned in the official record). He came back over the weekend in San Francisco an went 1 for 10 with 1 RBI and 5 strike outs. Back to where he left off!!!

AVG.: .161 HR: 2 RBI: 8 OBP: .262 SLG: .259

How often is one's slugging percentage lower than their OBP?

BARRY ZITO (ZITI):

Barry has actually won two out of his last three games and his drive towards 30 losses seems to have lost steam. However, there is always 20 losses. His best game of the year was yesterday at home against the Dodgers (who are simply awful offensively). Nonetheless, he pitched seven strong innings giving up two earned runs and striking out 10. I watched parts of this game and I noticed for the first time that his mechanics and mental game were both sharper. He may turn this dumpster fire of a season around after all. I hope so because the ace of the Giants is a 24 year old kid who looks like he is 14, wears a wool hat in 90 degree weather, weighs about 174 pounds, and throws a 98 MPH fastball with a lot of movement.

W-L: 4-12 ERA: 5.73 SO: 60 WHIP: 1.78