Hide The Trigger

The Iranian military launched an elaborate test of long range missiles today that was seen all over the world. An Iranian military talking head (whose name is similar to a lunch meet) stated that "our finger is always on the trigger....we have hundreds even thousands of missiles ready to be fired against predetermined targets." Good times. One of the missiles that was tested can carry a one megaton warhead. The missiles that were tested have a range of over 1,200 miles, which is enough to reach most Middle Eastern US targets and the entire state of Israel. Good times. The Iranians stated that they launched this test in response to Israeli military exercises that resembled test runs on an air strike of Iranian nuclear facilities as well as the US Navy's "secret" test of shooting down Iranian missiles. Good times.

I suspect that the Iranians do not know who exactly they are dealing with. Don't they know that President Asterisk is looking for any reason to launch a military strike on them? President Asterisk has illegally invaded and occupied sovereign countries for far less than shooting long range missiles. I mean he did all this because the country's pot bellied leader wanted to kill his dad. That was back in 1991 when everybody wanted to kill his dad and President Asterisk was still snorting coke off of hookers breasts in a stripper bar somewhere in East Texas. So to run tests of long range missiles that can carry nukes 1,200 or so miles away is similar to knocking off half the family. Then to say things like: "Our finger is always on the trigger" only makes things more fun. Don't they know that President Asterisk also always his finger on the trigger also? He's had the itch for pushing the button as bad as he has the urge to drink mojitos in the Oval Office (of course I suspect that it's much more than just an urge).

The leaders of both Iran and the US have the collective mentality of a nine year old spoiled child with alcoholic parents. They are both a complete mess. They are both egocentric, irrational, lack judgment, lack insight, have poor anger controls, impulsive, and hopelessly intellectually challenged. They listen to no one in their inner circle. They do not tolerate anyone who tells them "no" or tells them to do something different than what they have planned. Their approval ratings in their home countries is lower than 35% (though I suspect the Iranian approval rating is completely anecdotal because anyone saying anything negative about the government is probably shot on sight). They are practically brothers. Brothers in arms.

So as Iran rattles sabres and tells everyone that "their finger is always on the trigger" and the US runs non-secret secret test runs of missile defense tactics we in the rational world are left wondering if these two "world leaders" have had a nap recently or somehow got into dad's stash of porn and seven year old beer. The world is a far less safer place to live with these two snipping at each others toes. There is a reason why we do not let nine year old boys drive cars, drink booze, vote, go to strip clubs, and go to war. That's because when you let nine year olds run nuclear states they don't know how to conduct themselves. They become dangerous, concrete, and myopic. This is a nasty combination. I am hoping that cooler heads within the governments of Iran and the US will keep their prospective leaders distracted with pretty objects, girls in bikinis, dancing pirate bears, or tear gas (it's so easy to distract nine year old boys) so that somebody trusted can hide the trigger long enough for someone else to be in charge. At least in the US that will be in another six months...

...unless John McCain is in charge, which will be like having a temperamental egocentric fourteen year old with a fetish for botox and sleeping pills running a nuclear state.

Good times.