I do not know what I will be writing about after tomorrow night. In more than twenty four hours the pro football season will be over and a new champion will be crowned. All season we have watched the schizotypal personality (or lack there of) of Coach Darth Hoodie. I have ranted endlessly taking shot after shot at Tom "Zoolander" Brady. We have witnessed the Patriots blow out teams on fast tracks throughout the fall and find ways to win games they should lose in the winter. We have endured the Evil Empire spying on their opponents and getting caught doing it. The only negative word we heard from and about Randy Moss was right before the conference championship game and it was a non-story in the end. The Patriots set record after record for offensive explosiveness. We have watched them accumulate a perfect record and a chance at history. We have never seen anything like it in NFL history. In the salary cap age, we have a team that has made all the right moves at all the right times in regards to who to sign, who to pay, who to let go, and who to play. We have seen a coach that everyone on the team appears to believe in no matter how insane he looks. He has made all the right moves and I do not believe that he has cheated every single game. Regardless of advantages the Patriots may have had they still have had to execute the plays on the field. They have gotten lucky on calls (even though I still think the refs were paid off by the Empire in Baltimore). It has been astonishing to watch. I do not think we will see anything like it again in any of our lifetimes. Let me be clear that I have disliked the Patriots since they won their first Super Bowl against the Rams. I have ranted on Tom Brady ever since he became a male model. This vinegar is not new. People have accused me of being jealous of Zoolander and the Empire and their success. No one can argue that four Bowl appearances in this decade makes the Patriots a modern day dynasty. My teams during the decade have fallen completely apart. The Falcons are now the worst NFL franchise. The Raiders are run by a man who has been literally dead for the last ten years. The 49ers spent themselves into oblivion like the Russians in the arms race during the Cold War. The situations with these teams leave very little room for hope that they can be turned around in the near future. As a fan of Atlanta city sports franchises I see things going down hill and years and years of futility ahead to go with the years of futility and heartbreak since 1995 (the Braves lone World Series in Atlanta). The Hawks are young and hopeless. The Thrashers are young and hopeless. The Braves are getting younger and more hopeless. So I do have reason to be bitter. However, this bitterness is based not on the futility of my teams. It is based on the futility of all the other teams to stop the Patriots and their drive towards dynasty status and possibly in 24 hours immortality. A teacher told me that you can not be angry at something that you do not care about. That is true in my anger towards the Patriots. They have rolled along giving their middle finger to the rest of sports and now they have done the close to impossible. I respect them, but that does not mean I have to like the Empire and not want them to fall. They could make history tomorrow and there is a part of me that actually was willing to call a truce with the Patriots for the sake of history. I was ready to write a post declaring a cease fire and supporting the Patriots going 19-0. I was really ready to do it. Then one thing happened: Bootgate.
Earlier during the paparazzi stage of the hype towards Sunday's crowning of the Evil Empire as immortal gods, we saw Tom Brady in a removable boot walking around New York City to his underwear modeling eating disordered girlfriend's apartment on TMZ. Then we saw more video with no boot. Then reports stating that Zoolander was hobbling, then reports of him walking with no issues. The Evil Empire acted exactly like their Cold War Reagan namesake, the Soviet Union, and provided us with propaganda and cloak and dagger antics in response to Tom's ankle, his being away from practices, and shaving. Then I remembered that the Patriots have listed Brady as questionable for the entire season. If Brady was "questionable" with injuries then Brittany is actually the better parent rather than K-Fed. This is what I expect from Coach Darth Hoodie who has done nothing but gives lies, half-lies, mini-lies, big lies, and white lies the entire season when questioned about anything. It is a closed fiefdom like North Korea, Cuba, China, and Russia. And that is what I can't deal with. With Bootgate I was reminded that the Patriots and their entire organization is ironically--Un-American. That is why I have to pull for their opponents because they must fall just like the Iron Curtain nearly twenty years ago.
My picks:
Patriots (-12) over GiantsThe Patriots will be on a similar track as they were in the early fall and under the same weather conditions. One has to remember that all throughout the first part of the season when the Patriots were playing in good passing weather on fast turf they killed everybody by throwing the ball all over the field and they took no mercy on anyone. Now, they are playing after an extra week to prepare on a fast track and in ideal weather conditions. The Patriots also want to prove that their game at the end of the regular season was a fluke by destroying the Giants in front of the world. The Giants defensive line will not be able to pressure Zoolander consistently enough to throw him off his game. The Giants offense will likely be able to move the ball on the Patriots but will not consistently score enough touchdowns to keep pace. The game starts around 6:30 p.m. Eastern time and it will be over by around 8:00.
Over (57 points)The Patriots on a fast track will score at least 38 points on the Giants secondary. They will throw the ball all over the field to all of it's weapons. The Giants might be able to shut down Moss, but they will not be able to shut down everyone else for the entire game. Too many weapons. The Giants have enough weapons to keep it interesting for the first hour and will get some cheap points after the game is well decided. I expect they will score at least twenty points.
Fox4NX Under (-130/85 blood pressure)
There will be no drama as the game comes down to the wire. It will be boring for the last two hours after Tom Petty loses a hip on stage at the halftime show. Not enough to get too excited about. Besides, I am on a ton of medication and pee every two hours. Not enough to beat the blood pressure spread.
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