Meeting Mick and Mike

This is the cat that beat me in my pro football picks this weekend. His name is Mick. He is a two year old fixed tabby. He also got four out of five right after just nuzzling one of the two choices for each game.  No, I did not make the picks for him.  No, he obviously does exist.  Yes, he will be making more picks next week.   Yes, he is on drugs...catnip to  be exact.  Yes, he is litter box trained.  No, Dippy does not want to sell him to a resturant for lawyer money.  

And the winner for best debut head coach press conference after a horrible first loss goes to...Mike Singletary. Mike is the new coach of the San Francisco 49ers. He has been on the job for less than a week after the team clipped Mike Nolan. Singletary is best known for being an intense middle linebacker for the Bears in the 80s. Now, he appears to be an even more intense head coach. With five minutes left in the game 49ers tight end Vernon Davis (by the way the only TE on the team that can catch a football) got an unsportsmanlike penalty costing his team 15 yards. As he was walking towards the sidelines Coach Singletary wanted a word. Mr. Davis shook off his new coach to indicate that he was not going to be conversing with him. Singletary was no mood for this and kicked Davis off the field. That led to the below sound bite. I do not know how Singletary is going to do, but if we get more pressers like this then we are definitely in for a treat. This is the second best coach sound bit ever next to Denny Green's "they are who we thought they were...and we lettem off the hook" blast. Can't wait for the 49ers next game in two weeks. If they suck as badly as they did yesterday then the next post-game presser should be a festival.

The Black Hole Of Bay Area Sports

I was listening to the San Francisco 49ers radio broadcast as they were being shelled by Craig Stadler's Seahawks squad who entering the game had won one game and looked miserable in every other game this year.  Until they arrived in San Francisco.  As the game got further and further out of reach the commentator and analyst became more and more jaded and dark.  They started off criticizing only a few things to eventually making runs at everyone on the team, the coaches, the fans, the beer guys, and the city itself.  It was fun to listen to if it wasn't so absolutely sad to listen to a spoiled franchise continue to wallow in the black hole of professional sports that the Bay Area has become.  The 49ers are down to Shaun Hill as their quarterback who can not throw the ball longer than ten yards.  This will suit offensive coordinator Mile Martz perfectly as he relies on a passing game that forces the quarterback to be able to throw the ball twenty five yards or more.  The Raiders are being run through the ground by a crypt keeper of an owner who lost touch with reality when he forces Jon Gruden out setting the stage for him to destroy the Raiders the next year in the Super Bowl.  The Raiders and their fans are the biggest jokes in the league with little hope in sight until the Crypt Keeper dies and hands the team over to whom?  The Giants went to the World Series and 2002 and have fallen apart a little more every year since.  The nightmare of Barry Bonds is over, but his curse still hangs over the team like Tom Brady's infected knee still hangs over the S&M parlor he frequents in L.A.  The Giants stink and so does the A's.  The Oakland A's are grossly irrelevant and the only people that show up for their games in the clearly the worst stadium in baseball are people simply too lazy to make it into San Francisco.  To top it all off their hats match absolutely nothing in anyone's wardrobe...except Craig Sager.  The Warriors lost their best player to the Clippers of all teams which only shows how irrelevant they are.  If you lose your best player to one of the worst sports franchises that have ever existed then you should be kicked out of the league.  The fact that they signed their coach for an additional two years proves that they have no clue what they are doing or simply don't care or both.   The Sharks and Earthquakes both play in San Jose, which does not in the grand scheme of things.   All in all things are going great for Bay Area sports.  The fun thing there is that there more teams that can go into the toilet than in Atlanta.  Two teams in football and baseball that are as putrid as baked squid left out in the sun for five days make double the fun than watching the same thing happen in Atlanta.  So I guess I can feel lucky that I'm an Atlanta fan in that respect.  It can be worse!  I could pull for the Raiders!

By the way, Mick the Cat went 4-1 with his football picks.  I, of course, went 3-2.  So Mick is coming back for another week.  Dippy is busy with his hooker...er...lawyer...er...probation officer...er...dealer.  Whatever.  Dippy is busy.  On wagerline.com, I am 48% with pro picks for the week.  I have lost another 1,000 "units" and I am in the hole for 10,000 total for the season. Things are going well.  

Your Pro Football Picks With Mick The Cat

So far this NFL season at wagerline.com I am standing at 47% with my picks and I am 6,000 "units" in the hole. I pick both the spread and the over/under on each game of the week. I do absolutely no research. I go only by instinct. Except that my cat can do better. So to prove my point I will compete against my house cat on five games. The cat will pick by the first team name he touches when the match-up is held up. Now this cat is not declawed and probably is rabid so this might be difficult.

Oakland at Baltimore (-9)
By the luck of the draw I was able to watch the last of the Raiders-Jets match-up from last Sunday. This was one of the worst games I have ever seen. Both teams were worse than putrid. They were as fresh as garden salad left on the counter for three weeks with no air conditioning...in Nevada. Favre looked like he was hurt. The Raiders do not know concepts like a snap count and how many people belong on the field. The showed a shot of Raiders owner Al Davis in his box and he looked like the Crypt Keeper. Somehow the Raiders kicker (shouldn't he be in jail due to multiple DUIs?) ended this game and the Raiders actually won. I felt cheated that we did not get a shot after the game of the Crypt Keeper celebrating the win. They won't win this week. They never play well after a win at home and then traveling cross country. Terell Suggs will have another bounty...er...contest...er...friendly banter against the Raiders. Take the Ravens. Though Flacco is the worst name for a NFL quarterback ever.
Mick The Cat: Ravens.

Seattle at San Francisco (-5)
Why am I picking this game? No one under 12 should be allowed to watch this game. These two teams deserve to end in a tie. That is how bad they both are. I am interested to see how Mike Singletary does as a head coach. I loved him as a player and I suspect that players will be willing to play hard for him. Sadly, Nolan picked Alex Smith as his franchise quarterback and look how well he's doing now. He looks real good carrying a clipboard watching a guy that no one ever heard of start for his team. Seattle coach Craig Stadler is doing real well in his last season. Stick to your day job Stadler. Take the 49ers.
Mick The Cat: Seattle.

Washington at Detroit (+9)
i am having a real struggle with this game. The Redskins should not have lost at home to St. Louis. They gave that game away. The Lions are worse than the Rams and they are playing in Detroit. Last week the Redskins should have won by at least ten points or more against Cleveland. I just can't take Washington at Detroit with a point spread of nine. Detroit is not going to win, but this point spread is too high with a team that no one can really predict what they will do. Detroit, it is.
Mick The Cat: Washington. Meow.

Atlanta at Philadelphia (-9.5)
I know that everyone has jumped on my case for not believing in my beloved Falcons. If you have been a fan of the Falcons you would understand that nothing is ever as good as it appears and that at the end of every rainbow there is a pile of crap. Today I saw Matt Ryan's jersey being sold at the mall. Now it is the beginning of the end. Actually, no. I believe in Ryan. I think that he is the real deal. His mental game is excellent which will prove him well as his career progresses. The only thing stopping him are injuries and/or team management ineptitude by not surrounding him with good players. I refuse to have high expectations of the Falcons until the management shows that they know how to surround their franchise quarterback with good players. However, I am the most hopeful I have been about the future of an Atlanta quarterback since...ever...and that includes Vick/Mexico and Bartkowski. It will be a tough game for Ryan in Philly, but I think Atlanta will keep it close and I am not sold on the Eagles anyways. Atlanta.
Mick The Cat: Eagles.

Arizona at Carolina (-3)Why hasn't Kurt Warner gotten hurt yet? I have been waiting all year to see everyone's favorite beer bong sucking statutory rapist Matt Leinart play. Warner was one step away from retirement after Bouldin almost got his face snapped off against the Jets. I am waiting though. I wonder how ready Leinart is to come out if Warner breaks his pinkie or something. Is he on the sideline all hung over praying that Jenny from the whirl pool at the Holiday Inn will get her monthly friend to come in on time? Also, I am sick of hearing about Tony Romo's pinkie. That pinkie has had so much power over the Cowboys season and the air waves that I can't stand hearing about it anymore. The pinkie needs to talk about Tom Brady's knee which is getting also over-exposed. So, I need to pick one. Arizona does not travel to the East Coast well either. They will get rolled. Carolina is quite good and if the Cowboys don't get their act together Carolina has a chance at a high seed in the play-offs....if they can only compete with Tampa...ugh. Take Carolina.
Mick The Cat: Carolina. Of Course.

Thinking Of Tom...Not In A Gay Way, Though

So Tom Brady's injured knee is infected and that may compromise the repair surgery that was done to repair both of his ligaments. If it does not get better they will have to do the whole surgery over, which means that he could be out of action (football wise) for much longer than anticipated. The kicker to this is that he did not have surgery using the team doctor he instead went to a doctor that his family recommended. The only medical stuff I know about is from House, M.D. so I have no clue whether or not this was a botched surgery, but I have never heard of this happening to anyone else...uh...except for Peyton Manning and I don't know what his deal is except he was last seen holding back the San Diego Chicken in a TV commercial (as if anyone under 30 knows who the Chicken is). I almost feel sorry for Brady at this stage. He did not trust the team doctors because none of them have his best interest in mind (they all work with Darth Hoodie who would replace Tom's knee with a cyborg knee from Terminator) and you can't trust a surgeon that your family finds because they don't have a clue how to pick a surgeon....obviously. So Tom is screwed. Personally, if I needed a surgeon I would immediately go to the web-site that lists all of the doctors who have license violations for botched surgeries and then call them and ask where they sent their permanently injured patients to. More form Tom's knee at a later date.

I'm Back!!!

It has been quite awhile since I last posted and an awful lot has happened in that time span. Recently, I have had people coming to me stating that they had checked this blog to see if anything has been posted only to be disappointed by having to view stupid videos made by people who have too much time on their hands. Like who really has time to super impose Star Wars warships onto the streets of San Francisco? Then I had to ask what the hell is wrong with me that I would looking for such a dumb video? Then I thought...I am wasting too much time on this blog. I was missing out on sporting events, sex, booze, work, and living with a North Korean dictator. I started to also have doubts that I know what I am doing. My football picks are terrible. I went 37% on pro football picks last weekend. My cat can do better than 37% by merely taking a leak on the helmet of one of teams playing the game. So I doubted that my picks and thus my knowledge of sports was badly suspect and that I was not a good enough writer to make this piece of shit blog interesting. So I went on a hiatus in order to figure out what to do next. There were several days that I thought that I would log-in and shut the site down. There were other days that I was going to state that this thing was going to be shut down because Dippy was killed in a biker bar outside of Portsmouth. By the way, Dippy was indicted on federal drug charges for running a drug ring through the pool locker room at the Virginia Beach Wyndham hotel. However, there were many people who came to me asking when I would return including the individual that calls himself Kidnapper #47 who kidnapped and drugged up Dippy a few months back because I was turning into a sports fan hypocrite.

Other things that have occurred in the last three weeks:
1. I went to Minnesota for four days, partied excessively, ate excessively, listened to everyone who talked like Sarah Palin, partied more excessively, and spent most of the week saying "Yeeeeeah."
2. The economy is in the toaster and it's stuck there turning black as the thing won't pop up again. The stock market is about to turn into the biggest looting grab bag for our oligarchs in two decades. Trust me when I say that the rich will get enormously richer in the midst of massive lay-offs and lost lives. It's also strange that the cost of everything else is creeping up slowly right now except for the cost of gas which is falling...right before the elections. Hmmm...
3. The Falcons are 4-2 going into the bye week. People are ragging on me for not believing in my team. Sure I have picked against them six times in a row. How is that believing in my team. Matt Ryan is playing out of his mind and over everyones expectations in his first six games. Of course, I pleaded with porn star Arthur Blank to not draft him in favor of Dorsey. And where is Dorsey now? I have no clue.
This proves I probably should not be let out of the house ever. Not even to buy food for the North Korean dictator living at my house.
4. I went to my high school homecoming weekend (yes, I am a loser) for the eighth straight year and ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in over ten years. One of his first words to me: "I check for your blog from time to time."
5. The same weekend that my significant other and I were at the homecoming weekend she was dreadfully sick and kept us up all night every night...for all the wrong reasons.
6. I found a wonderful set of beers from a brewery out of all places Fredrick, Maryland called Thirsty Dog. They have a lager, a stout and several other genres. All extremely good. Try the Imperial Stout that is the most bitter stout I have ever had and packs the biggest punch of any beer I have ever had. By the way, the stout is 8.9% alcohol. Try out their website: thirstydog.com

7.   The election is almost over.   Thank God.  Either way it turns out I am happy that it is almost over.  I do not believe that McCain will win.  The most reliable projections that I have seen shows Obama winning the electoral vote fairly easily.  I do not know if he is indeed the best person for the job.  I have no idea how well he will do in the Oval Office, but I have to say that Obama is better than the alternative.  The alternative is a third Bush term and a vice president who is also likely going to be pretty loose with a gun and is being called the possible new face of the GOP.  That would be great...if the GOP wants to resemble the trailer park association of western North Dakota.  

8.   I have been approached with multiple new professional opportunities that I am strongly considering.  Obviously, none of these people have ever read this blog.

So I feel like I have just got of prison after several years and the whole world has changed.  Instead of that old guy in Shawshank Redemption I am not going to freak out and hang myself, but it's going to take something to get used to.  I do not know how often I will write in the post or what it will be I will write about, but I am back.