Boy, This Crow Tastes Damn Good!!!

When the Hawks went out on the court nine nights ago in Boston fresh from spending the night in the hottest bar at their hotel in Boston paving their way towards fresh new Hawks players in eighteen years I thought that they would get killed in all four games. At the very least, I thought that they could possibly steal Game 3. I stated that Coach Woodson was going to coach his last four games. After Game 1, when the Hawks played like a JV squad and got murdered I was totally convinced that this was going to be a quick kill. I was making plans to rooting for the Braves and preparing for the NFL draft with the Falcons. In Game 2, the team showed no effort or heart (for the exception of Horford might just end up being a star) and got smoked--again. Before Game 3, I was fearing that there would be a half Hawk-half Celtic fan base in Phillips Arena and that Boston would roll on again. Instead, we got the best game that Josh Smith has played with the Hawks in his short career of underachievement. However, Horford taunted Pierce with 22 seconds in that game while he was down. I became convinced that the Celtics were going to get more pissed than Roger Clemen's wife and take a machete to the Hawks tonight led by the insane looking Garnett.

For the first six minutes of tonight's game the Celtics did get the machete out. They ran out to a 16-3 lead and were preparing for the kill shot--that never happened. The Hawks clawed back quickly and refused to let the Celtics finish them off. Then something remarkable happened:

Somebody went head to head literally with Kevin Garnett.

ZaZa Pachulia who played eleven minutes and scored no points. At least on the scoreboard. In the first half, Garnett pushed off Pachulia after the whistle in an obvious attempt to intimidate the Hawks players as he and the Celtics had done in the first two games. Pachulia scored the biggest "points" of the night by storming back at Garnett and pressing his head into his forehead while rambling trash in a language that no one on the court could interpret. This caused a near melee, but it proved a point. The point was that "We will not be bullied anymore. You can not intimidate us anymore." This was the decisive factor in the game. It energized the Hawks. It energized the fans (many many more Hawks fans at this game with much fewer Celtics fans). The Hawks went on to later play the best fourth quarter in Atlanta Hawks play-off history. The Hawks were down ten going into the fourth quarter. This was an easy time to pack it in and say "We played our best. They're just better." However, Joe Johnson would not let them. JJ took over the entire game in a Kobe-like burst when all the chips and the season were on the line. He wanted the ball. He needed the ball. He got the ball. He took the game over and could not be stopped. JJ finished with 35 points, but more than that he took over when his team needed him. He played like the star clutch player that he is but no one knows about. Now everyone should know what the NBA already knew. That JJ is an above average player on a young up and coming team. Josh Smith followed up his great game with another great game as he dropped 28 points and shot 12 of 13 free throws including the clutch free throws at the end of the game to finish off the Celtics.

Now the series is tied at two all. It is now a best two out of three series. On Wednesday is Game 5 in Boston (Please don't stay at the same hotel!!! Stay in Providence. Fly in just for the game. No more bars). The series must return to Atlanta for Game 6 and a thunderous arena full of old gear wearing fans. The Hawks are off the mat. They have now punched back...and I'm enjoying every bite.

Monday Fuming

Some people were a little miffed that I compared our twelve year old daughter to the North Korean dictator and party king, Kim Jong Il. I can understand your concerns, however, I will offer a comparison in my unprofessional opinion between the North Korean dancing missile loving ruler and a twelve year old girl:

(1) Both are ego driven and self-absorbed. 12 year old girls are focused primarily only on their wants and needs while excluding everyone else's. Kim Jong Il will allow his country to collectively starve to death as long as he gets his women, money, and internet porn.

(2) Both are irrational in their decision making. 12 year old girls underestimate the danger of decisions and overestimate their ability to manage whether the dangers are. Kim Jong Il will make every decision possible to alienate the international community and cause every other reasonable country to ostracize his country. Kim Jong Il launches "attacks" at anyone and everyone no matter consequences. Twelve year old girls? DefCon 1 when things are going their way.

(3) Both are moody. Kim Jong Il has crazy mood swings that would make Brit Spears blush. One day he will be a happy clown dancing to old ABBA tunes and watching re-runs of ChiPs. The next day he'll randomly execute dissidents in an erratic angry rant. 12 year old girls are hopelessly hormonal and switch emotional gears as drastically as Roger Clemens fall from grace.

(4) Both are dictators. Kim Jong Il dictates to everyone in his country and in the world what he thinks they should do and he thinks he is always right in his command decisions. Twelve year old girls dictate to everyone in their country what she thinks they should do and she thinks she is always right in her command decisions. No matter what happens both believe that you are wrong.

You may not like the comparison, but any parent who has ever had an adolescent daughter would tell you the same thing. If they didn't they would be lying. The good thing about this is that most of the time 12 year old girls grow out of this stage and become reasonable adults. Kim Jong Il? He'll grow up when he's dead.



Time for another relationship rule. Rule #6. Do not at all costs get married (if you even should) out of fear. Another one of my rules of life is to never negotiate out of fear and instead make deals from a point of strength. If you negotiate out of fear then you are signaling that you do not have enough chips available to play the next hand of poker. You have little to deal with and are at risk for losing more then you can gain. From a position of fear, you are likely to jump into a sucker deal just to get the deal done. Then you have remorse after the fact once all the dust settles. If you deal from a position of strength (even only in perception) then you don't need the deal at all to survive. You have more than enough to deal with. You are in position to gain more than you lose. You are likely to take the best deal because it there are always more than one possible deals. Same in marriage. I am of the opinion that marriage for many people is a pointless legal, medieval, and economic trap. However, if you choose to marry then don't do it because you fear that (a) you can't get anyone else better; (b) you'll never have children; (c) there are no other living options; (d) you will disappoint your family if you don't; or (e) you will lose money, status, or prestige. If you get hitched out fear of any of the above you are a 100 times more likely to end up in any one or many of the above named situations anyways. If you get hitched out of fear then you are more likely to get into a sucker relationship that you will be miserable dealing with. If you get hitched out of fear the other partner will always have the lead in the power differential in the relationship. If you get married out of fear then you don't have enough chips on the table and eventually your spouse will know that and leave you for someone else who does. Trust me. In the end, it's never worth it.



Speaking of Clemens. Roger Clemens linked with country star Mindy McCready? What??? Rocket Roger hooking up with Mindy when she was 15 and he was something like 28? What??? How much more sick and disturbing does this all have to get? First, a steroid and HGH fiend. Now, a sex offender preying on teenage girls? I need more time to rant on this then I have tonight. The biggest thing to say about this is that I do not know how this whole thing could get any worse for Roger the Flasher. But, there's always tomorrow.



Now your Zito-Jones update:

BARRY ZITO

I actually started to feel sorry for this beatnik hippie pot guy until I re-freshed my memory of how much salary he is raking in this year ($14.5 million). Barry made us proud this week by getting lit up twice this week. His line for the week: 6 2/3 innings, 13 earned runs, 13 hits, six walks, two losses.

W-L: 0-6 ERA: 7.53 SO: 11 WHIP: 1.95

ANDRUW JONES

Andruw had a better week than Barry, but not by much. He hit .130 with no homers, one RBI, and eight strike outs this past week. To top it all off he fouled a ball off his calf.

AVG.: .159 HR: 1 RBI: 4

Your Family Cold War Update

This afternoon I figured that I would you provide an update on the Family Cold War. This weekend Kim Jong Il (our twelve year old daughter) launched a pre-emptive "nuclear strike" against the United States (me), Russia (her mother) and China (another family member). This missile strike came with little warning but was not entirely a major surprise either. The first nuclear exchange was between North Korea (Kim Jong Il) and Russia. North Korea launched an ill-advised and haphazard strike (Kim Jong Il's current claim to fame) which led Russia to launch a "missile and tank" barrage in return for being betrayed by an ally. North Korea then launched another all-out strike against a then neutral U.S. whom had sworn themselves to stay out of the fight unless provoked. The U.S coming to Russia's aid then launched another "assault" on North Korea's defenses. In what had to be Kim Jong's finest hour another strike was immediately launched at another ally in China and then in true Jong Il grace demanded to be rescued by China. This led China and Russia to negotiate the possible truce with North Korea while the U.S. and North Korea dueled with air strikes until cooler heads provailed and a "cease fire" was established. Right now, U.S. forces are on DefCon 2 waiting for the next battle despite the fact that it's pigeon holed President is actively debating whether or not any of thi sis worth all the bloodshed. On a positive note, the U.S. and Russia have been talking about their mutual national security interests and have forged a very fragile alliance in defense from North Korea. However, the tanks are all on stand-by and a mild nuclear winter has fallen. Good times have been had by all. We are all waiting for the UN peace keepers so we can all pick them off one by one. At least the family will all be "fighting" against someone else besides each other.

Inspiring And Frightening

The Hawks finally showed up for a game during this series tonight against Boston. In doing so they stole a game from the Celtics who were favored by 400 points to win the game. In doing so they gave their fans a much needed confidence boost. In doing so they managed to awaken a sleeping dog who will in turn bite the Hawks on Monday night.

Eight hours before game time there were still good seats left at Phillips Arena. This left me worried that the over/under of 11,000 paying people in the arena would be an under. If that were the case it would have been an embarrassment for the Hawks and the NBA to have a half empty arena on a Saturday night marquee game on ESPN. I had stated in a previous blog that if this occurred then the Hawks should be moved immediately before the series was over to Oklahoma City. Then I had an even worse image. The image of an area filled half and half with Celtics fans and Atlanta fans. This was more likely than most would have thought. This occurred during the Cubs fateful run through the NL Playoffs where they clinched the divisional series in Atlanta in front of a stadium half full of Cubs fans. This would have been a typical Atlanta sports event where the transplants into Atlanta from the northeast who are escaping the Siberian winters crowd into the arenas to cheer for the "home" team.
So I had this ugly image this afternoon of half the crowd at Phillips wearing green t-shirts and Garnett jerseys.

Luckily and proudly I am able to say that neither of the above two things happened tonight. The Celtics walked into an arena favored by 400 to win on their way to an inevitable sweep and found that the arena was filled to near capacity with 19,000 fans--and few friendly faces. I could see in the crowd a few folks wearing green, but they were overshadowed and overpowered by Hawks fans who oddly enough must have not gone to any other game this year. Why? Because those in crowd wearing Hawks gear were wearing the gear from previous years with the red, white, and gold color scheme as opposed to the new red, white, and blue colors. Atlanta fans are truly (as a group in general) fair weather fans. Old gear notwithstanding, Atlanta fans blew the roof off their building as they carried their team (could any of them name more than three players on the team?) to an unlikely 102-93 victory.

I implored the Hawks to show some fight in Game Two after their sleep walk performance that resembled the Puerto Rican Olympic team against the first Dream Team in 1992. They didn't. They played totally out of control and with no inspiration in Game 2 and got roasted. I learned from a reliable source that the Hawks stayed in a hotel in Boston that also housed the best meat market bar in Boston. The Hawks stayed there for four nights, which for them was plenty of time to set off a course of events that will lead to at least six paternity suits. So getting toasted (in more ways than one) made sense.

In Game 3, the Hawks played with a combination of intensity and control that has not been seen since the Dominque Wilkins days. They withstood numerous Boston rallies, but the Hawks controlled the game's pace. Josh Smith finally showed us our first true glimpse into why the Hawks blew a high draft pick and many ugly years on him by stealing the show with a team high 27 points. Smith, who had only been known for being a slam dunk champion a couple of years ago, played up to his talent level for the first time as a pro. Horford continued his coming of age story in this series by getting 17 points and 14 rebounds. The Hawks shot 47% from the field and 56% from the 3-point arch. They played with heart, energy, and passion for the first time in the series. They played without fear or awe for the first time in the series for the whole game (not just seven minutes in Game 1). It was inspiring all the way up to when the Hawks hit the wasp's nest with a stick.

With 22 seconds left, Horford made the game clinching shot by stepping out of Paul Pierce's feeble attempt at fouling him and in the process Pierce ended up on the floor. Inexplicably for a team that truly is no match for their opponents, Horford started taunting Pierce. Pierce got up and started to walk towards the Hawks bench and jawed back and flashed a few gang signs. The stare on his face resembled Rocky's stare against Apollo in the last round in Rocky II. Count on Pierce to drop 60 on Monday. Horford should have been given a technical and he should receive a firm lashing from Coach Woodson. Horford is a punk kid who has no business taunting anyone of the stature of Pierce. It is ill-advised to be on a lesser team and taunt the star player on the better team with more games to play. There is no excuse. None. It is as advisable to do this as it is advisable to stay in the hotel with the best meat market bar in all of Boston for four night straight. But, this is the Atlanta Hawks: brash, inconsistent, young, temperamental, unpredictable, borderline insane and now just down 2 games to 1 to the best team in the NBA.

P.S. To Mr. Blank

P.S.: Mr. Blank, in the words of Nancy Kerrigan:

WHYYYY!!!!! WHYYYY!!!!! WHYYYYY!!!! (clutching leg in pain) WHHHYYYYY!!!! WHHHYYYY!!!!

With Matt Ryan you've set the Falcons back another decade. That's it! I'm not buying any wood from you anymore!!! I'm done.

Fox4NX

My Letter To Arthur Blank

Dear Mr. Blank,

It is less than two hours from the most important draft in Atlanta Falcons history. You will probably never read this letter before you make your first choice. I am sending this to you via my alien powered telepathic machine connected to my computer. I am hoping that somehow my message will get to you before it is too late.

Frankly, Mr. Blank, I am worried. When you started as owner of the Falcons I was hopeful. I knew that you have been a successful business man and prone to spend money as well as take risks. So you spent lots of money and made lots of risks. I was willing to overlook the fact that you look like a card shark with a bad porn mustache as long as the team was successful. In your tenure the Falcons have taken more up and down rides than Pam Anderson. The team made it as far as the NFC Championship only to be embarassed in Philadelphia. The crazy train derailed from there. Your hip young coach started a public romance with the University of Washington. Your star quarterback whom you wheeled around in a wheelchair on the sidelines, Ron Mexico, is on the real world version of The Longest Yard. Hopefully, he will never suit up for your team again. The Ron Mexico era needs to end and we all need to move on to the nightmare that started a year ago at this time. Your big time college genius coach fled the coup faster than Lindsey Lohan could find a coke dealer. Your team turned into a joke.

I implore you though to not end the Mexico era via the draft coming up in less than two hours. This draft is too important for the nucleus of the Falcons to burn picks on overly hyped sexy highlight reel type stars. The Falcons have four picks in the first 48. This provides an opportunity to allow your new football brain trust to implement their system and address the teams gaping needs. Your new GM Thomas Dimitroff, whom you stole from the Patriots, and Head Coach Mike Smith (picked off from Jacksonville) have both stated on record that the biggest need in the draft is in the interior. This would be the offensive and defensive lines. Your picks though it will not be splashy should address those needs. The best athletes on the board are going to be defensive lineman and offensive lineman. So please do not select Matt Ryan with your first pick in this draft. Ryan is the best quarterback in the draft, yes, but is not the best athlete on the board and he does not address the stated needs for the team. In the new offensive system that appears to be the one installed this fall is a power running offense. You picked up Michael Turner to run the ball in this system. The quarterbacks you have at least can hand over the ball. So in the end you don't need a strong armed quarterback that will probably be arrested at the Gold Club in October. Please do not even think of taking McFadden at running back. Let the Raiders take him as he the perfect fit for a dumpster fire of an organization that the Raiders are. Make a pact with us that you will not take anyone who has an arrest record or has character issues. Please.

The best athlete on the board that also best fits the Falcons needs is Glenn Dorsey who will most likely be available when your turn comes. He is a devastating defensive lineman who will be able to rush the quarterback and stuff the run. He showed stellar skills on a stellar defense against stellar competition. Dorsey is a force. He can be dominant. That is what the Falcons need. They need someone on the line that opponents will fear. The Falcons don't have that. The defensive line instills fear at a buffet line or casino on the Mississippi coast. Dorsey can change all of that quickly.

Use your other picks you have in the first forty eight to add other top lineman that can make significant impacts quickly to build your foundation of blockers and rushers that you will need to drive both sides of the ball. Once those needs are addressed then you can pick up the sexy picks at quarterback and running back who will have the protection and running lanes to be successful. Matt Ryan (as Harrington found out) without a solid offensive line in front will be killed, lose his confidence, and end up in Houston. Just don't do it. Mr. Blank, I know taking Ryan is as tempting as a bad suit, but just let your guys run the draft and use their system to fix this mess of a team. You should know better than anyone that you can't fix a house without a solid foundation.

Look Ma!!! We're In The Play-Offs!!!

On Sunday, the Hawks lost by 23 to the Celtics in Game 1 of their first play-off series since Babe Ruth was alive last. They played the game in a smoke filled arena that looked like a bad frat party. The Hawks looked more like the opponents of the first "Dream Team" at the Olympics. They played the majority of the game standing around watching in awe of the Celtics who are a far superior team. I was expecting that eventually the Hawks players would stop playing and start posing for pictures with KG and Sam Cassell.

"Look ma, I was actually on the same floor with KG and a space alien!!!"

In all semi-seriousness, the Hawks looked like the Italian team against the first Dream Team. It all fits as the Hawks has never been in a smoky arena playing a play-off game since 1999. They stood around in awe. They played scared most of the game. The first eleven minutes of the game the Hawks made no attempt to challenge the Celtic on offense or on defense. They played scattered and haphazardly all over the court chasing the Celtic players around. For the next seven minutes the Hawks challenged the Celtics by charging to the paint and actually aggressively guarding the Celtics in the half-court. As a result, the Hawks pulled within two points mid-way through the second quarter. Inexplicibly, the Hawks players on the court must of collectively thought:

"Holy s#%*!! We're not supposed to even come close to this team. Let's stand down."

For the remainder of game, which watching it for me felt like passing a Volkswagon out of my ass, the Hawks played scared. They played in awe of the Celtics. They backed off particularily on the offensive side of the court. They stopped challenging the paint. They stopped charging the boards. They fell in love with the jump shot to diasterous results. The team shot 36% from the field overall and 22% beyond the three-point line. The reason for these low numbers was a mix of fear and awe. They played without confidence. They played as if they knew they had no chance to win. The starters on the court shot 32% from the field (which is not enough to even beat the Italian national team). There was one highlight which was Al Horford who played well beyond being a rookie. Horford led all scorers with 20 points plus 10 rebounds. Horford took advantage of the only match-up on the court that is a push with the Celtics (vs. Perkins who scored three points and picked up six boards). That may be the only hope for the future of the series, but only if they will have guts enough to push the ball into the paint for Horford to take advantage of the match-up. Woodson is now down to his last three games and he and the Hawks have a choice: Play with guts and go down fighting or be the Italian national team.

Countdown To The End For The Hawks And Your Zito-Jones Update

We are at the time of this writing a half hour away from the start of the Atlanta Hawks shortest play-off run in their history. I have heard all the predictions of a Hawks sweep and frankly I have no argument with anyone who says that Kevin Garnett and Co. will quickly dismantle the young Hawks team. There is also no doubt that the Hawks will fire their coach. Right now, Mike Woodson who has led the team to four straight seasons of increased win totals is getting ready to coach his last four games. He and the GM, Billy Knight, who were once close friends now do not even talk to each other. Woodson could have been fired earlier in the year had it not been averted by the in-fighting between the ownership group, the GM, and Woodson himself. If the Hawks were a more storied franchise they would be compared to the Oakland Raiders in regards to their dysfunction. The fact that the Hawks have just made the play-offs for the first time in ten years and no one knows who actually owns the team or who makes any decisions beyond which strip club to go to after the game makes them comparable to let's say...the Falcons. The Hawks appear to be on the rise. Good young players being balanced by good veteran leadership (Johnson and Bibby). That is where the rise ends. The coach will be gone in about four games. The GM probably will be gone too. Their young players will realize that they can go to strip clubs and make more money anywhere else. The Hawks again will have no money (so they say) to spend on a free agent and this year they will not have two lottery picks. And let me ask this: If you were a high priced free agent would you come to Atlanta? Yes, I know Atlanta has the Gold Club, but still would you even think about coming to join this mess? I have made my point. The ownership will continue to battle in court for control. All in all it is a dumpster fire full of toxic waste. It is very sad though because if the team were willing and able they could nurture this team into a more formidable force in a weak conference in the next few years. Now, Hawks fans like myself will endure the embarrassment of being mauled on national television. I wonder what the ratings will be like for the Hawks games? Well, since they are playing the Celtics the ratings will probably be good. If they were playing the Raptors the games would probably be televised only on Versus. Now for your Zito-Jones update!!

BARRY ZITO

Barry made it six innings against St. Louis, but gave up three earned runs, five hits, and five walks in another loss. Currently, starting pitchers pitch six or fewer innings 66% of the time. So this is par for the course for someone who makes more than the GDP of Poland.

W-L: 0-4 ERA: 4.50 SO: 8

ANDRUW JONES

Andruw hit his first home run of the season in Atlanta of all places. Craig James laid a big fat ball up in the zone for him to hit. Frankly, tee-ball players should be able to get a home run off a pitch that bad. Andruw teased us this week by going on a five game hitting streak until taking the big dog collar today. He still has twice as many strike outs as hits.

AVG.: .169 HR: 1 RBI: 3

The Cold War At Home And The Hawks Date With Destiny

I noticed that when I checked this blog today that I have reached the 700 visit mark. That has given me motivation to move forward and try to write something of consequence. I have had horrible writer's block and have been under crazy levels of stress which has led me to want to write about anything...mainly because it would cause me to use up too much mental energy. I noticed on my map that I have a visitor from both Germany and Hawaii now. I appreciate the the fact that my words truly are spread all over the globe. Then I wonder if because of this reason whether or not I should be more careful about what I write about. This is something to ponder, but then we have web-sites like YouPorn (the evil twin of YouTube) and it all makes sense that nobody else out there seems to care what they put up on a blog. So why should I?

People have asked me about my family life in the last week since my last blog. We are now in a Cold War in the house. The Wall has been built and ever now and then we shoot at each other from the protection of being behind the wall. A kind of twisted detente has been created over the weekend as the nuclear powers (my ex and I) are at least talking without wanting to launch a nuclear strike. Our pesky superpower wanna-be (our child) is "vacationing" elsewhere. I am now becoming convinced that her main goal right now is rile up the superpowers in the home enough so that they want to blow themselves up. Am I crazy to think this? The superpowers in the home have a lot of things that need to be discussed and resolved before we can take down our Wall and stop pointing missiles at one another. There has been a lot of misunderstandings that have led us to reach a point where a "hot" war is an option (and not the hot war that would lead to make-up "anything", by the way). We are both still simmering angry at one another and the likelihood of some sort of spark that leads to a tank invasion is very possible.

If the above isn't cause enough to create mass stress levels that border on heart attack potential then there is the work situation, which for my protection and the protection of the innocent I am not even going to even get into it. Let's just say that the atmosphere at work is similar in many ways to what I am breathing in at home. Enough said.

The Atlanta Hawks have entered the NBA play-offs for the first time in nearly 900 years. Their reward? Well, let's just say they are the 16-seed going up against the 1-seed. Tonight in their first nationally televised game since Hubie Brown was coaching the team they play the Boston Celtics in Boston. The Celtics since the addition of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett have been on a mission to get Red's first posthumous NBA title. They have feasted on a weak Eastern Conference and are odds on favorites to go to the finals. I also believe that there is going to be made every effort possible to make sure they do get to the Finals so they can play the Lakers. Believe me when I say this: The NBA needs the Celtics and Lakers in the Finals and the referees will get the message. Watch the Celtics when they play the Pistons or the Cavs and how many no-calls they will get in their favor and how many times Rasheed Wallace gets hit with technical fouls. It will happen. So do I give the Hawks any chance? Frankly and sadly I have to say: NO. The Celtics are favored tonight by fifteen points. I am taking the favorite in this one. The big question in Atlanta is whether or not the Hawks will steal a game from Boston. I would say that the real question should be how many people will show-up to Phillips Arena in Atlanta for Game 3. Atlanta sports fans by their nature do not show up for events that they feel their team has very little chance at winning. As a whole, the Hawks have been ignored in Atlanta and their run to the play-offs has generated very little buzz. The over-under for attendance in Atlanta for Game 3 (in my opinion) is 11,000. It is my belief that if the Hawks do not get at least 13,000 in the building then they should be the ones to move to Oklahoma City and let Seattle stay where they are. At least Seattle fans want their team to stay. Atlanta fans would rather go to strip clubs to meet people like Pacman Jones and Ron Mexico (aka Vick).

A few weeks back I proposed that Major League Baseball should change their format for standings and play-offs to something like the English Premier League (English soccer to those who do not know). They did not take my suggestion...yet. Anyways, here are the standings (as of the start of play on Sunday) for MLB under the new format.

These teams are on-top of the league and in the running for the Champions League:

Arizona 13 wins +56 run differential (RD)

St. Louis 12 wins +25 RD

Los Angeles Angels 12 wins +12 RD

Boston 12 wins +6 RD

Chicago Cubs 11 wins +18 RD

-------------------------------------------------------------

Milwaukee 11 wins +14 RD

These bottom five are facing relegation:

Texas 7 wins -17 RD

--------------------------------------------------------------

Pittsburgh 7 wins -29 RD

San Francisco 7 wins -39 RD

Houston 6 wins -17 RD

Detroit 6 wins -38 RD

Washington 5 wins -28 RD

The teams that could move up from Triple AAA?

Salt Lake City, Oklahoma City, Scranton, Indianapolis, Louisville, and Richmond (Va.).

Your Jones-Zito update will come out later today or tomorrow. Just a hint. Jones is threatening the .200 mark.

Ranting And Another Jones-Zito Update

Well, here is another exciting update on my favorite over-rated players in baseball. I am in the midst of a horrendous writer's block as I can not come up with anything worth writing about that would require me to use up the remaining brain cells that I have left.

As it stands today, my marriage is spirally into the toilet. And no, it has nothing to do with my post from last weekend. It basically comes down to the fact that we just simply do not like each other anymore. Pure and simple. I can't stand the fact that she holds something that I did six years ago against me and will not let it go (and it was something quite small, not like an affair or killing her cat or something, really). She has held it against me for years and has kept the resentment and continues to punish me for it as many times as possible. I, on the other hand, am horrible to live with for any length of time because I just want to live in a nice bubble most days without emotionally connecting with anyone because I just don't have the mental energy to deal with it. It's a fact. I am better off living by myself. If I lived by myself I can conserve mental energy and when I am able I can connect with anyone for short bursts at a time and when the needle runs to empty I can just go home. I like my bubble. No one else that I live with likes the bubble. Well, this is who I am and I am not apologizing for it. I can only be who I am. It also is difficult to connect with someone else who has turned cold, bitter, and frigid. Trust me. I am not doing this again. I will never get married again. It is not worth the headache.

I watched the first fifteen minutes of the Braves game (before all hell broke loose in my house yesterday afternoon). I watched Tom Glavine pitch like fifteen pitches before being taken out of the game due to pulling a muscle. This is what I expect this year for the Braves. Two of the three top pitchers in the rotation are breaking down. Smoltz is a Hall of Famer for sure and so far is pitching well, but he is one throw away from the glue factory and there is a reason why the Mets (who have much more money to spend than the Braves do) did not sign Glavine for this season. The Braves have the bats to score at least four runs on average a game. They just don't have the pitching in the rotation or in the bullpen to hold teams to four or less runs per game. Today's game is an example...a 5-4 loss to Washington who truly is an awful team.

Oprah Obama and Whitewater Hillary are still battling it out for the Dems nomination in the summer. When will this end? When will the mudslinging stop? When will Bill get caught with a Harlem hooker in his office under the desk...on camera? When will Obama's minister go on a rant on homosexuals, gerbils, hair dye products, and ground coffee...on camera? Wake me up when the nomination is locked up so I can rant against John McCain who clearly is someone who can not be trusted and will likely keep us in Iraq until 2055.

I had to pay more in taxes this year. I made more money apparently. 42 cents for every tax dollar goes to the war. It's true. Look it up. For that amount of money what have we gotten out of it? The biggest price will be paid when the troops come home when one in four (at the very least) will have severe psychological disorders to go along with the myriad of physical issues and there will not be the resources made available to provide the services these men and women will need. A true American tragedy and an absolute travesty and embarrassment.

Now the update...

BARRY ZITO

Barry improved his overall ERA this past week by giving up one earned run in six innings against St. Louis this weekend in yet another loss.

W-L: 0-3 ERA: 4.50 SO: 6

ANDRUW JONES

Andruw did us proud this weekend by hanging the collar for the whole weekend at home against San Diego. He went 0 for 9 with four strikeouts. I saw one strikeout last night where he swung two times in a row to a curve ball about five feet wide of the strike zone. He went 1 for 18 for the week.

AVG.: .100 HR: 0 RBI: 1

The Andruw Jones-Barry Zito Watch

Occasionally I will be updating everyone on the status of currently the two most over rated and over paid players in the MLB: Barry Zito, SF Giant pitcher and Andruw Jones, LA Dodgers CF.

ANDRUW JONES:

AVERAGE: .136 HR: 0 RBI: 1


BARRY ZITO:

W-L: 0-2 ERA: 6.30 SO: 4

Enjoy!

My Sunday Rant

As you all may have guessed that I have been on hiatus. I decided to check myself into rehab due to logging onto ESPN's Tournament Challenge website to check on my twenty brackets every ten minutes. I was checking even on days when there were no games being played. I was on my way to checking the website for weeks and months after the tournament is over. Rehab for internet addiction apparently is a growing industry in Far Eastern countries. South Korea, for example, is the most web advanced country on Earth has rehab facilities for people addicted to the internet. Several of the subtle signs apparently include: having more than two e-mail accounts (I have four), having multiple web-enabled devices (I have two phones that are web-enabled on top of having three computers), and constant text messaging (no, not me, that's my twelve year olds' obsession). It's really too bad that South Korea is so advanced as they are likely to blown up by North Korea at any moment. North Korea, by the way, is virtually and literally dark when it comes to the internet, electricity, food, dogs, and health care. However, they have nukes and a crazy leader with the worst haircut of any leader since Hitler. So I checked into rehab here in the States for checking the tournament websites so often that the tips of my fingers bled and my wife threatened to leave me for a married neighbor.

Speaking of marriage, I read that authorities in Texas have entered the property of a polygamist. I know that the concept of polygamy is based out of a very loose interpretation of religious doctrine, however, what's the point? There is no way on Earth that any husband can make one woman happy let alone three, six, twelve etc. There is no way. Anyone who takes two or more wives simultaneously should be arrested not for polygamy, but for sheer stupidity. Marrying anyone at all for anybody is almost nearly as preposterous of an idea. Marriage is simply a religious/social control/financial/legal contract. That is all it is. This contract is on a piece of paper and requires even more pieces of paper to dissolve (plus half of everything and tons of attorney fees). This contract goes against human nature. Romantic love as it stands is simply a biological impulse that eventually goes away in time. Put more simply, love is a drug, you use it with the person who you "love" for awhile, you become addicted and then you build tolerance and then there is no effect anymore...until you find someone else and start the cycle all over again. When we first "fall in love", which really is your brain's biological clock alarming you of the need to create clones of you, we put our best foot forward. We do all sorts of things that we would never do normally (just like with drugs and alcohol) that are adventurous, impulsive, spontaneous, and exciting. Then as time moves on we all revert back to who we are normally as the tolerance of the "love drug" and it's vessel build towards feeling nothing at all. Sure you may eventually have mutual respect, you may care about the other person, you have deep lasting memories, but the "love" changes into something else entirely. When we move back to who we are normally we fall back to whatever patterns of behavior desirable or undesirable that have gotten us to this point. This happens for both men and women in different ways and at different times, but the end result is still the same. The course of romantic love lasts about a year, maybe two, BUT ONLY when the couple is together. If they are apart and can not be near each other than the unrequited love process begins where there are withdrawal symptoms and cravings (until you find someone else). After the first year or two the excitement and high is over. At that point, it's time to move on. Our biological clock tells us this. Our brains tell us this. However, the church, the law, and society felt the need to put some sort of control over this process by creating concepts of marriage and child custody/support. So as a result, marriage became a contract, a covenant, and a ill-fated attempt to shackle what is a biological drive and process. The question I ask is this: Should people high or drunk get married? No, they are under the influence. Same thing with marriage during that intoxicating one to two year run that most couples have. You are under the influence of your biological cravings and should not enter a contract that somehow gives the impression that it will last. In fact, it does not. The facts are that those intoxicating feelings go away for the "object of you love" and then the resentments and everything else begins. In the end, people in this marriage are not attracted to each other anymore, may not even like each other, and most of the time can not stand being in the same room with them for ten minutes. In the end, the best thing to do (especially if there are no children involved) is to walk away. At some point, you may decide that after the intoxication wears off that you may actually like the person and want to raise a child together, then stay togther...BUT think twice about getting married. The biological clock always has an alarm function.

Lastly, I have watched ESPN for weeks now and I am so insulted by the fact that everyone on the set wears a suit except for Bob Knight. We all knew prior to this point that he is a complete psychopath, but this run over the last few weeks has proven it. Here we are in the Final Four and there he is with Vitale, Bilas, and another talking head all wearing $800 suits made by sweatshop workers in Milan and then there is Knight wearing an ugly ESPN sweater over a red shirt. They do not even match! If I can tell they don't match then it's a terrible outfit. Knight is the worst eyesore I have seen on ESPN since having to look at Vitale's chromedome for the last twenty plus years. Who the hell does he think he is? Everyone on ESPN wears a suit on the set!! I am saddened that ESPN was so desperate to have him as an analyist that they were willing to waive the dress code. What message are we sending here?

P.S. I also read that Russian death cult leader and soon to be ex-President Putin decided to crash the NATO talks in Europe over the weekend. He is very worried that the US will build a missile shield over the European Union as part of the NATO defense treaty. This has been something that President Asterisk has been pushing for years. This also illustrates two things: One, how far behind the times our President is and secondly, how paranoid Russia remains. This whole missile defense idea made more since for Europe back in the 80's. It is an outdated concept for Europe now. The US should really consider using a defense shield over it's allies in Asia where the true threat lies. Rogue and soon-to-be rogue states of Pakistan, North Korea, and India all possess nukes and are led by leaders who are insane or their governments are fragile due to the threat of extremists. Again, another example of our President's strategy to chase after ghosts of the past. Secondly, Russia remains paranoid and Putin illustrated this perfectly by crashing the NATO party without an invite. No one invited him to the dance and there he shows up scared that his girl (Poland) would be stolen away by the big jock (NATO). Russians, by nature and history will always remain extremely fearful of any and all perceived threats. However, a missile defense shield being advertised by President Asterisk is really no threat to Russia. Again, Putin (President *'s mentor) is also chasing ghosts.