I thought that the Nationals would lose their chance at history by firing Acta but they manned up and are winless in the Riggleman era.

I am watching the DC United soccer match being played in DC. I swear that there are four times as many fans at this game than the Nats game.

Like Larry Odom, I'm having a major sugar craving. I need sugar like Jeremy Mayfield needs meth and Jerry Springer's number. Big Red NOW!

Went to the doctor. With the meds I am on I have failed baseball's performance enhancing drug policy. Can I start my fifty game suspension?

For the first time ever I have seen the words "breast augmentation" used appropriately in a work e-mail. I am so 13 years old. Weeee!!!

Watched Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks first at-bat in fifty games. I couldn't help but wondering if he is baseball's version of Rick James.

Despite the fact that Bobby Cox is drunk all the time and sticks with inept players like Drew Barrymore sticks to the casting coach the Braves won tonight

The Atlanta Braves are up by a run in the 8th inning. They are at home. A drunk guy is managing them. Wondering how they are going blow it.

I'm watching the Nationals game and I notice that there is a good turn out for the game in DC. Then I realize: "Oh, they're all Cubs fans"

So the American League won the All-Star Game for the thirteenth straight time. All before midnight. I'm going through Tic Tac withdrawal.

Is it possible that this game will be over before 1:30 am this time? I hope so because I need to go to Wal-Mart to pick up my Vicodin Rx.

I stand corrected. MLB is praying that Pujols doesn't get shot to death by a twenty something year old nurse who diverts narcotics from work

So interviewing Obama right now is Max Headroom and Tim McCarver who is wearing the tackiest sport coat in the history of TV. I need beer.

I'm sure MLB is praying that Pujols doesn't end up in a female fertility drug scandal or shot to death by a twenty something year old hopped up on meth.

As I watched Jeter get hit by a pitch from one of the dudes from "Dazed and Confused" I started hoping for a bench clearing brawl. Yes!!

Believe me when I say this. I would rather have Ozzy Osbourne and LaToya Jackson's frozen head do color commentary for the All-Star Game.

Is it me or does it seem like using a nine year old to get his dad to quit drinking inherently and morally wrong? Just call out for pizza.

Watching the show "Intervention" actually makes me want to drink a fifth of vodka and smoking as much meth as I can get my hands on. Why?

Australia has launched a competition to build killer Terminator military robots. This makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. Why not gerbils

Why couldn't the Braves fire their manager Bobby Cox who only knows how to drink, getting run from games, and chronically underachieve?

When your team fires their manager at the All-Star break and then sends an apology letter to their 5 fans, they're going back to Montreal.

This new fad of pro sports players tweeting during "work" is not new at all. I have been tweeting at "work" for months now. Like this moment

We all should remember the immortal words of our great modern poet Ice Cube: "Shot gun bullets are bad for your health." Powerful shit, man.

Can someone tell me please why I am seeing ads for getting a prescription for getting "fuller longer eyelashes"? I thought the boner pill ads were bad enough!

I have a great idea! Let's get Billy Mays to do a TV ad for the Snuggie this winter! What? He's dead? Who are we going to get now?

I'm so very upset that I'm not getting a ticket to the Jackie Onassis funeral...what? They had that already? Oh, I'm not going to the Michael Jackson funeral.

So what would happen if there all these people crowded on this bus and it was twenty degrees warmer? I say, the end of civilization as we know it.

So we won freedom from the British so that we can watch fireworks on a hot night and then wait like lemmings jumping off a cliff in order to get away from them.

In a throng of people trying to reach the tunnel after fireworks. Los Angeles rush hour traffic has nothing on this human tragedy. Help!!!

The US soccer team should dedicate this great loss to the late great Billy Mays. Who's next to go down? Vince, the Sham Wow guy? Wow!

Remember our best athletes play basketball and impregnate random women. Brazil's best athletes play soccer and fly heroin to the USA. Go USA

Only the American soccer team could blow a two goal lead in the 2nd half. We are well on our way to greatness in the World Cup next year!!!

The killer bees that were attacking the crowd have now turned on the US soccer team as they have more sting holes than Joan Rivers and they're down 3-2.

Well the US held that goal lead for another three minutes as their defense had more holes as the SC govenors Appalachian Trail story.

Does anyone even remotely think that at the rate that Brazil is attacking the US goal that the US will be able to hold their goal lead for 20 more minutes?

Why does it seem that no one is even remotely alarmed by the fact there is a giant swarm of killer bees that is attacking the crowd at this soccer match?

I anxiously waiting for someone to get headbutted in the chest in this soccer game. When does that happen? Can't wait. Only reason to watch

So I am watching the US-Brazil soccer final. The US is up 2-0. The play by play guy is as excited about this as an arranged marriage to a vampire.

I have seen on one mock NBA Draft that the Hawks are to pick Tyler Hansborough. If they actually do that then I will officially be done with this team.

The Yankees just got burned on one of the worst umpire calls ever. Ever. Charlie the HGH fueled testosterone gel addicted hamster could do better.

The Braves need to fire their hitting coach. I just watched a 13 year veteran swing at a pitch that was four feet in front of the plate.

Tommy Hanson pitched 5 1/3 shutout innings against the Yankees to go 3-0 for the Braves. Does anyone still think dumping Glavine was a bad idea?

The MASN people were giddy that there was a record crowd of 41,517 at the Nats-Red Sox game. Too bad 41,516 of those people were Sox fans.

I am so happy the US Open is finally over so I can stop hearing some drunk ass New Yorker yelling "IN THE HOLE!!!" after every single shot!

Hey! What's LeBron James doing playing at Wimbledon wearing a white dress? Oops! That's Serena Williams. My bad.

If you happen to be a fan of golf or tennis today is a real good day to be home sick. The US Open finishes (maybe) and Wimbledon starts. Wee

I'm home sick with my head hurting weighing 400 pounds with a fever to boot. How much worse can I get by watching daytime TV remains to be seen.

I'm watching "The Stand" on Chiller. I think we have our new female lead in hamster movie. Molly Ringwald's acting was absolutely stunning!

Its getting late in the Yanks-Nats game and Nats are leading by a couple of runs. Isn't it time for them to start blowing this game? C'mon!

I really hope that the Nationals don't fire Manny Acta. With the team on the brink of history it would be shame to ruin it. He's doing great

Look! Its Eli and Peyton Manning! They are the only people who could really afford those box field level seats at Yankee Stadium.

Hard luck Lannan is on the mound for the Nationals against Wang for the Yanks. They might actually have a chance to win this one. Damn it!

The Nationals have lost 4 in a row. Now we are back on pace towards the goal of 121 losses. You have to gut it out and keep losing, Nats!!

Where can I start my petition "If the Nationals lose 100 games, then they get sent back to Montreal"? This is the worst team I've ever seen

Anyone who doesn't believe that LeBron James isn't juicing should watch the Lakers-Cavs in '06 on ESPN Classic now. He's put on 400 pounds in muscle since then!

Is Los Angeles on fire yet? I need to know if there are cars on fire all around the Staples Center. Phil Hendrie must be really proud!!

Does anyone really believe that Kobe loves "that man" Phil Jackson? Really it's like me saying that I like having my face in a blender.

Where is the first car I can turn over and set on fire? I gotta find something to set on fire! Where is my AK? I need it to shoot it in the air!!

Only 72 seconds away from turning over cars and setting mattresses on fire in Los Angeles. Thank you Lakers for giving us another reason to set the city on fire

The Lakers are up by 15 with less than six minutes left. I'm getting my riot gear ready for the streets of LA. The city will burn bright tonight!

Good job Nationals! You found a way to blow a four run lead to grab defeat once again. It was a gutsy performance to get another loss!!

Good job Nationals! You found a way to blow a four run lead to grab defeat once again. It was a gutsy performance to get another loss!!

The Nationals have won 3 of their last 10. That's 3 too many if they are going reach the magic number of 121 losses. Pick it up, Nats!

Is it me or does the new reality TV show with MC Hammer have "unintentional humor factor" written all over it? Do we get to see those baggy pants???

Note to self: Never ever drive in a light car at 75 mph on the interstate in a hailstorm while listening to Ice Cube...if you want to live.

The folks from Western State are here at this training. They really need to let them out more often. They are looking more like patients everyday.

I have the sudden urge at this training to go Tony Montana, shake up a Coke can, open it while screaming "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!"

The law training drones on. It has fallen apart. Its fun watching lawyers arguing with non-lawyers about the law. Somewhere there is a blender calling my name.

I'm sitting in mental health law training. Its mid afternoon. I'm wondering why I didn't go to law school so I can wear ugly blazer outfits too.

I'm watching Wall Street, by far my favorite movies from the 80s. My second favorite? Revenge of the Nerds II, of course.

New Orleans mayor Nagin has been quarantined in China. He really should have been trapped in the 9th Ward during Katrina, not the Hyatt.

Screen Test For Charlie

There has been talk around the trailer park that we should consider someone to play Charlie. I was initially agaist it, but I have becoming willing to consider it. It is a tough role. It consists of playing a hamster in a non-animated and definitely non-family film. Apparently, Disney (another evil empire) is releasing a family flick involving guinea pigs. Believe me when those promos started showing up on TV I got all sorts of calls. Let me remind everyone that Charlie is a "hamster." Most importantly, Charlie uses performance enhancing drugs and goes insane. Definitely not a family film. We will also be using a real hamster and not a computer generated hamster. So it is a tough role. The actor that takes on this role has to have a full range and have a level of intensity that is similar to what a HGH and testosterone gel enhanced small hamster would bring. I weighed several ideas. I looked at Tood Bridges, any of the two Coreys, Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Vladimir Putin, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Billy Mays, and Bill Clinton. All were reasonable choices. I even considered playing the role myself as Charlie's life mirrors mine right now. In the end, the only reasonable choice would be Al Pacino. Below is a classic clip of Mr. Pacino in his (by far) his best role as Tony Montana in "Scarface". I am very sure that Mr. Pacino will not be coming in for a screen test, but that will not matter in the end. He is the clear choice. This clip shows his excellent range and intensity that could only be brought to Charlie's life. He will bring a sense of humanity to Charlie that will appeal to the audience even as Charlie uses all his powers to take down the Mid-West.





And a post on this blog is not complete without another exclusive clip from the film. This clip shows a younger Charlie with his brother just after completing his first cycle of HGH and testosterone gel. It is simply classic.

Denzel's Screen Test

Below is our first screen test for the un-named hamster disaster apocalyptic epic movie. Special K nominated using Denzel Washington as the male lead who takes it upon himself to go after Charlie after he goes on a HGH, testosterone, and estrogen fueled rampage of Kansas City and the Mid-West. We feel that Mr. Washington has the range necessary to fill the role of Charlie's pursuer. The below clip is from Denzel's classic flick "Training Day" as Mr. Washington decided that he was too good to do an in-person screen test. He stated that there is no other reasonable choice for the role besides himself. Little does he know that we have other candidates. We'll let the public decide as whether he really gets the role or not. By the way, the white guy in this scene is some dude named Ethan Hawke and after this film he simply vanished. I believe that he is in a UFO death cult now wearing a Snuggie.




Below is another special clip from the film. It shows the pure destructive power of a hamster who is strung out on HGH and testosterone gel who is heart broken over the death of his girl-friend by the hands North Korean terrorists. Truly powerful shit.

So doesn't Lance Armstrong have anything better to do after the birth of his new baby than give Twitter updates? Like maybe ride a bike.

Coming up this weekend the first "screen test" of a male lead candidate for the yet un-named hamster gone wild flick at http://fox4nxblog.blogspot.com

So is Kim Jong-un North Korea's Obama? He is in his 20's, likes Michael Jordan and J-C Van Damme. Somehow I think the answer is "no"

The exclusive teaser trailer of the giant hamster putting the smack down on KC is now up! Check it out at http://fox4nxblog.blogspot.com!!

Exclusive!!! The First Trailer Clip Of My New Hamster Disaster Flick!!!

Thanks to my new executive producer Scott “Special” K for getting this exclusive teaser trailer clip of my upcoming hamster disaster movie…

“Charlie had a good life…for a hamster. He had a great job as a big-time sports agent. He had a tall beautiful girlfriend. He was in love. Then his girl friend gets killed at the hands of ruthless North Korean terrorists wearing Mickey Mouse masks. Heart broken, bitter, angry, and jaded, Charlie goes on an HGH, testosterone, and estrogen binge and takes his revenge…on the helpless citizens…of Kansas City….”




“From new director Fox and executive producer Scott “Special” K comes this apocalyptic
epic of a hamster seeking the ultimate revenge for the death of his true love…”

This clip is a scene where Charlie finds out that his girl friend is killed and decides on his rampage. Classic filmaking at it's best. The following teaser trailer was turned down for obvious legal reasons.




And, of course this one...



We are still searching for the right male actor to star in this epic flick along side Charlie. We have looked at several options and we will be posting the casting call sessions. We are still taking suggestions on the male lead and also now the female lead. Keep those suggestions coming.

Special for tonight! Exclusive teaser clip of hamster wiping out KC flick! On my blog http://fox4nxblog.blogspot.com! Hamster strikes back

No, Tom Cruise will not be involved my hamster disaster flick. Never. I'm thinking having the Sham-Wow guy in the starring role. Perfect!

I've decided that the giant hamster smashing Kansas City movie MUST be made. Who is going to play lead actor who has to find the cheeseball?

Great goal by the Pens to go up 1-0. Not even a fifteen foot tall and 15,000 pound hamster could have stopped that power play.

Half way through first period of Wings-Pens Game 2 and I have not seen the Dos Equis guy once. He must be scared of me. Bearded bastard!

The Nationals lost their sixth in a row today. They are on pace to lose 119. The '62 Mets lost 120. I say go for 121!! Then go to Montreal.

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

So I must be in a pissed off mood tonight, which I am. I am royally pissed. I won't get into it on this post in order to protect the supposed innocent, I will just take it out on my subject matter(s) for this evening.

As stated in a previous post, I went to see Terminator: Salvation this afternoon. It was the first movie that I have ever gone to where I wanted to leave half way through it, demand my money back, and set fire to the theatre on the way out the door. I wanted to go home and take a shower in order to remove the endless mound of slime that this movie vomitted all over me during the 114 minutes of endless agony that it created. It was so bad that I began to laugh (along with half the audience) at every stupid action scene or example of poor dialogue uttered.

A five year old could have written the script for this utter garbage. The dialogue was so ridiculous, foolish, and cliched that I would love to go on a campaign to make sure that the writers never ever work again. Ever. Trust me, it was as bad as every movie starring Burt Reynolds or Van Diesel. Random typing of words on a keyboard could have created a better script.

Christian Bale was great in American Psycho, however, he is more than awful in this film. He (to his defense) was given miserable lines to utter. Despite this, it is no excuse for a completely shallow performance. There were no acting stand outs in this film except for being utterly horrible. Most characters were so poorly developed that I began to root for the killer robots (who did a better acting job) to kill all of them. I felt that if this group of people were the last people living then we should just give ourselves over to the killer robots now. I kept sitting in my chair choking on my over salted popcorn muttering "Please die" over and over thinking that if they all die then maybe the horror show of this movie would mercifully end soon.

The plot of the film was so disjointed, disconnected, tangential, and absurd that I felt that a movie featuring giant hamsters wiping out Kansas City made more sense and had better merit. In my hamster movie, the hamster named Charlie gets shot up full of HGH and female hormones and ends up growing to fifteen feet tall and 15,000 tons. After the hamster's girlfriend gets killed by North Korean terrorists dressed in Mickey Mouse masks in a failed bank robbery, Charlie goes insane and demands revenge by taking out Kansas City. Charlie eventually gets killed off after trying to eat a giant radioactive cheese ball. See! My idea is so much better than this movie where nothing seemed plausible or make any bit of rational sense. The heroes of this film should have been killed 1,000 times over, but the killer robots seemed to want to try to kill them in the same manner that the Los Angeles Lakers play half their play-off games this year (re: inept, inconsistent, foolish, uninspired and idiotic).

The saddest thing of all is the fact that I have never been so bored in an action film before. I was so bored watching stuff explode that I felt like I needed an eight ball just to stay awake.

In the end, I will never be able to get those lost 114 minutes back in my life. I will remember the utter horror of this film (even though the last thirty minutes was comic genius....only it was not meant to be funny) on my death bed. I will have nightmares of Christian Bale barking bad dialogue into a scratchy microphone or of a likeness of AHHHnold tearing everything apart at the end of the film. The last scene gave us the hint that we will have a sequel to this shit fest. If that happens, I will make that hamster film after all.

Went to see the new Terminator movie. Worst movie I've ever seen. My idea of giant hamsters destroying Kansas City has more merit.

Please forgive me for the insanity of trying to put a reasonable post up in 12 texts all with no more than 160 characters each. See! I am the most interesting!

The Lakers Have Two Teams

So the Lakers win another conference title. They somehow won Game 6 in Denver and Kobe was not distracted by some hotel hottie or small animals like hamsters or some such shit. Watching Magic Johnson's bloated head spilling information as useless as my beat up car made me wonder whether or not he ever had HIV at all. It was all some sinister plot anyways to become the Dos Equis guy. All in all I am absolutely convinced that I should be the Dos Equis guy. I'm younger. I'm stronger. I'm more unstable. And more importantly I am hundred times more interesting. However I digress or degress (whatever it doesn't matter does it). The Lakers are two totally different teams. The first team is called Kobe and the Lakers. That team stands around and waits for Kobe to either take over the game or flame out or snort coke off a Laker girls breasts. That team is inconsistent, frustrating and boring. So frustrating that even Jackie Nicholson feels like choking on a baked potato--on purpose. The second Laker team we saw tonight. They have role players who are actively involved, appear interested, and look like they want to actually win. They play to their potential. They become so unstoppable that not even Stan Van Gundy's rambling garbled tangential speeches can stop them. No team can stop the second Laker team for four games in a seven game series. Except when they revert back to the first team. We should send the first Laker team to North Korea to solve the nuclear crisis before it gets out of

hand. Wait a minute. It already is out of hand. The only thing they can do now is to bore them into submission which would not take much. All that is needed is a vampire, a shotgun, and a roll of paper towels.

I have no idea why no one else has brought this up but since LeBron James has gained 400 pounds in muscle in the last year I think he's juicing.

So the 4th quarter of the Cavs and Magic has started. Soon the nightmare of listening to Marv Albert's oversexed toupee will soon be over

I would like to start a new campaign. A new website devoted to sending the Washington Nationals back to Montreal. They had the best uniforms in the 80's

I wonder what the Dos Equis guy is doing right now. Combing his chest hair? Smoking blunts? Surfing for porn on the net? How interesting!

So imagine that North Korea is a hot vacation spot. Who can't have a fun where there is no electricity, running water, and cat is a good meal?

So the Cavs are up by 16 early which means we will have to listen to Marv Alberts talking toupee hit on Reggie Miller with deep longing.

If I see another ad for the new show "Hawthorne" I'm going to start my own show called "Jaded Communist Bastard" starring Bryant Gumbel as himself.

Seriously, why doesn't ESPN report something more important than Tom Brady in light drizzle like how the NBA fixes play off games?

I have decided to plan my next vacation. I plan to tour nuclear weapons attractions in North Korea. I'm sure that they are full of fun!

Since I am back to blog with a vengenance, ESPN reported that Tom Brady practiced in light drizzle. Don't they have anything else to report, like camel races?

Text Messaging Is Fun Boys And Girls

Now the blog master a-holes said that I can post by submitting a text. So ok. Here I am sending a pointless ranting text that will cause mass illiteracy. Not!

I'm Back!!!!

It is late. Very late. Midnight late. My brain is buzzing. I'm coming out of hiatus. I am coming out of hiding. No, not a closet even though everyone who has read this believes that I have some sort of man-crush on Tom Brady. That is another matter all together. I have dealt with the ups and downs of life. I have dealt with having no energy to post anything worth anyone's time in reading it. Matter of fact, all I had to offer was senseless smoking hot messes of ideas that would have likely caused anyone reading it to start wearing Snuggies...during the summer...riding a lawn mower...in Virginia. Dangerous stuff.

So on the day after Tom Brady marked his return to the practice field throwing a football and thousands of cameras clicked, whirled, and drooled away I am finally making my return to this blog. I do not know how it will be. I don't even know if it will make any bit of sense whatsoever. But, I am back. I am better than ever.

No, I'm lying there.

Let's just say that I am back. I am looking for blood. I am looking for subject matter. I want your suggestions. No one is going to escape my return. I am taking revenge. On what I have no clue. I am ready to go after anyone, anywhere, at any time. It does not matter. I have been saving my ranting energy up for this run. I will even go after the Dos Equis guy. Why? Because I am the most interesting man in the world and I have had more awkward moments than anyone and others obviously live vicariously through me.